Your prayer for wholeness in body, spirit, soul, mind and heart, and your desire to live in a way that honors your mother and brings glory to your Heavenly Father, is heard and deeply understood. The longing to be unstuck, to be free from anxiety, depression, shortness of breath and panic, and to be free from any evil oppression, is a longing God Himself places in us for restoration and life.
Scripture shows that Jesus came to bear our infirmities and our sicknesses, as Isaiah foretold and Matthew confirms, surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. In His earthly ministry He healed the leper with a touch, He healed from a distance with a word, He lifted Peter's mother in law from fever, and evening after evening multitudes came with sicknesses and spiritual oppression and found deliverance. He has authority in the physical realm and in the spiritual realm, and no evil power can stand against His command.
Healing in the Bible is not confined to one pattern. Sometimes it was immediate and felt in the moment, so real a person could rise up at once restored. Sometimes it was gradual, step by step. Both are divine. God has built healing processes into our bodies and minds, and to be healed through those processes over time is no less a work of God than an instant touch. There is much we do not fully understand about why some are healed quickly and others walk a longer road. Even the apostle Paul prayed repeatedly for a painful affliction to be removed and learned that God's grace and strength would sustain him in it. That mystery does not weaken our faith to pray. We believe healing is for today and God is able, and we keep bringing every part of our being, brain, memory, cognition, breath, emotions, to Him.
Much of the anxiety and depression you describe comes when we feel trapped and pressed on every side by spiritual, relational and physical pressures. The psalmist knew that place and asked why his soul was cast down within him. His answer to himself was to put God back into the equation, hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him who is the health of my countenance and my God. When God is factored back in, what felt impossible begins to have a solution, fear turns to hope and depression can turn to praise. Remembering the Lord and His past deliverance is a true cure for fear.
God has also given us spiritual protection for spiritual battle. Physical weapons are of no value in this conflict, but He has provided spiritual armor. You can refuse the attacks of the enemy, you can answer them with the Word of God, and you can rejoice that through the finished work of Jesus Christ you have power to stand. When Jesus was tempted, He answered each assault with it is written. The Word hidden in the heart keeps us clean and steady. The prince of this world came to Jesus and found nothing in Him to claim, and in Christ you can stand in that same victory, not by your own strength but by faith in what He has done. The sword of the Spirit is the Word of God, and it is our response to every accusation and oppression.
Prayer is central, and prayer also moves us to wise, practical steps. When opposition came to the rebuilding work in Nehemiah's day, the people prayed to God and they set a watch day and night. They did not only pray, they took practical action to guard what God was restoring. In the same way, continue to pray and also take practical steps for health, sound medical care for body and mind, steady time in Scripture, fellowship with trusted believers, and daily habits that strengthen you. Do not give undue attention to every dark presence. Rest in Christ's authority, keep your mind filled with His Word and His promises, and let Him be your watch.
Your desire to live fully alive again, as you knew life with your mother present, to drive again, to be with friends and family and crowds without shame or fear of humiliation, to serve God as His servant bearing fruit and walking in abundance and purpose, reflects the life Jesus desires for you. He had compassion on grieving families and brought life where death and loss had left emptiness, not for the sake of those who had already entered His presence, but for the sake of those who remained and mourned. He sees your grief and your hope together.
We pray now that God would set right what is not right, that He would lift what keeps you stuck and sick, that He would command any evil influence to leave and have no place in your world or your body, and that He would bring your life and health into alignment with His will so that your whole person reflects His grace. We ask for wholeness of natural and spiritual health, for clarity of mind, steadiness of breath, peace in place of panic, and joy in place of heaviness, whether that comes in a moment or through a process, according to His wisdom. What words have left unsaid, may His grace and the healing, forgiving blood of Jesus cover completely. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray, amen.
