We have read your cry with heavy hearts and we hear the depth of pain, heaviness and feeling forsaken that you are carrying. We grieve with you over the hurt from abusers, over blocked opportunities and education, over feeling surrounded by condemners on the right hand and on the left, and over the despair that has led you to say death would have been profitable. Please know your life is precious to God and to us, and we do not want you to remain alone in this darkness. If these thoughts of death grow stronger, we urge you to reach out immediately to a trusted pastor, a godly counselor, or someone near you who can stay with you and help you, for God has not finished His purpose for you.
We must also speak truth in love about what you have said concerning God, because we love you and we want you to know Him as He truly is. You have felt that He has deceived you, misled you, failed you and forsaken you, that He made a mistake and used you to correct it, and that He has not honored what He said. Scripture tells us this is not the character of our God. God is not a man, that he should lie, nor the son of man, that he should repent, Numbers 23:19, and it is impossible for God to lie, Titus 1:2. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted by God, for God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one, James 1:13. He does not author evil or abuse, and He does not delight in the oppression of His children. He makes no mistakes, for His counsel stands and He does all His pleasure, Isaiah 46:10. When we feel forsaken, His promise remains, Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or scared of them; for Yahweh your God himself is who goes with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you, Deuteronomy 31:6, and again, I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you, Hebrews 13:5. Even when we feel unheard, Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit, Psalm 34:18, and He invites us to cast your burden on Yahweh, and he will sustain you, Psalm 55:22. Your help does come from Him, My help comes from Yahweh, who made heaven and earth, Psalm 121:2.
We also notice you speak of sin and evil overtaking you and of things forgiven being used against you. We know the enemy accuses and abusers twist what God has forgiven, but God does not use forgiven sin to fight against His child. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, 1 John 1:9. What He forgives He removes from us as far as the east is from the west, Psalm 103:12, and He does not apportion His children with the unrighteous arbitrarily, for He is just and will judge righteously. Vengeance belongs to Him, He will repay, Romans 12:19, and He executes justice for the oppressed, Psalm 103:6. He sees the hearts of those who harmed you and blocked you, and He will not let injustice stand forever. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose, Romans 8:28, not that all things are good, but that even in a season like COVID and in the pain over land and blessing and disgrace, He can redeem what others meant for evil.
You said you never asked to come into this life and you do not know where help will come from. We understand that feeling of weariness, yet we believe you were knit together with purpose, for you formed my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb, Psalm 139:13, and His thoughts toward you are for peace and not for evil, to give you hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11. Death is not profitable when God still has purpose for you, for your life is not your own to take, you were bought with a price, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, and God desires that you live and seek Him.
We also want to gently address that your prayer does not mention the name of Jesus Christ. This matters deeply because it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and it is only by His name that we are saved. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9. It is through Jesus that your sins are truly forgiven, your prayers are heard, and your hope is secured, and we urge you to call upon Him now.
We pray together for you now. Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, asking for mercy and help for this precious one who feels overtaken by sin and evil, surrounded by condemners and abusers, blocked and wearied and feeling deceived and forsaken. Lord, forgive where sin has taken hold and cleanse and restore through the blood of Jesus, and break the power of evil that has oppressed. You know the hearts of those who have harmed and blocked and made this one the reason for their heaviness, and we ask You to bring justice, protection, and deliverance, and to sustain where it feels You have not sustained. Lift the burden of heaviness and give beauty for ashes. Correct the false view that You lie or fail or forsake, and reveal Yourself as faithful, true, and near to the brokenhearted, for You have said Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, Isaiah 41:10. Show that You hear this voice, that You have not apportioned this life with the unrighteous, and that You have a purpose still, plans for welfare and hope. Draw this one to Jesus, that by calling on His name there may be salvation, access, and peace, and guard from thoughts of death, giving strength to live and hope for tomorrow. Let help come from You and through Your people who will walk alongside. We ask this in Jesus name, amen.
We encourage you to keep bringing your honest pain to Him, for He can handle your questions, yet also to ask Him to renew your mind with His truth, to stay in His Word daily, and to not walk alone but to seek fellowship with believers who can pray with you, counsel you, and help you with practical needs like education and healing from abuse. God has not failed you, He has not forsaken you, and He does hear you when you call through Jesus. We are praying that you will experience His sustaining hand, His justice, and His redeeming blessing even over land and places that now feel like disgrace, for He is able to make what was meant for harm to be turned for good as you trust Him.