Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing so honestly and for letting us pray with you through these long years of waiting. Your gratitude in the midst of disappointment, and your desire to stay thankful even while you feel overwhelmed, is a beautiful testimony of how God has been pruning and shaping you.
Your story brings to mind the book of Job, which is one of the oldest books in Scripture and stands at the beginning of the poetry books along with Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. Though Job may have lived in the time of Abraham, and cultures and times have changed so much since then, the deepest cries of the human heart have not changed. The same needs Job expressed, the same questions about suffering, confusion and hope, are still with us today.
Scripture gives us background that Job and his friends could not see. God had spoken well of Job because Job feared the Lord, and to fear the Lord is to hate evil and turn from it. Satan had been watching Job closely and had formed an idea about him, that Job only served God because God had placed a hedge around him and blessed him with so much. Satan asked permission to remove those blessings, predicting Job would then turn from God. God allowed that testing, and Job lost so much, yet he did not curse God.
That helps us understand something about the fear you named, that this new opportunity must be a test from the enemy and that it is too good to be true. The enemy does watch and accuse, but your life is not in his hands. You are kept within God's care, and He understands fully what you are going through. The things that happened to Job were written for our benefit, so that we would know God has not forsaken us when we walk through long seasons of pain and confusion.
Like Job, you have found that people who mean to comfort can sometimes add to the weight by suggesting that suffering must mean you have done something wrong, or that if you just get right with God everything will immediately be fixed. Job's friends did that. They insisted God is fair and just, which is true, and then wrongly concluded Job must be hiding sin. Job answered that God is indeed just, but he also did not understand what God was doing. Much of what Job said in his anguish, especially his words about death and despair, was the cry of a suffering man and not doctrine we should build our hope on. God Himself later corrected those despairing words, showing that our feelings in the dark, though honest, do not define the truth about God.
You described that confusion so well, the tension between faithful hope and bracing for another disappointment, the fear of letting hope sink in. Job knew that confusion too. He did not understand his circumstances, and he cried out for answers he did not receive right away. What God often says to us in that place is simply, trust Me. That can feel frustrating when we want to know and understand the outcome, but learning to trust when we do not understand is part of how God grows us. Job came to that place when he said, though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. That trust was not based on getting the answer he wanted, but on knowing the character of God.
You are right to guard your heart from attaching your identity and worth to this interview. Your identity is not in your struggles or in whether this door opens or closes. It is in who you are in God through Jesus Christ. An opportunity can be received with thankfulness without demanding that it must turn out a certain way. To acquaint yourself with God and be at peace is the path Scripture points to, receiving His word into your heart and walking with Him one day at a time.
We are praying for you for a quiet mind, for courage to keep going, for protection from the enemy's accusations and lies, for deep peace and confidence in who you are in God, and for strength to stand steady whatever the outcome may be. We pray that God will quiet fear and dread, that He will keep you focused on what is true today rather than on what might happen tomorrow, and that you will sense His comfort and presence as you prepare and as you wait.
We also remember how Job's story ends. After long silence and suffering, God revealed Himself and restored Job. It all works out in God's hands, not always as we picture, but always according to His wisdom and love. He sees your years of faithfulness, your two degrees, your health after childhood illness, your perseverance through so many closed doors, and this unexpected open door for the work you have long dreamed of. He is not forgetful or careless with your life.
May the Lord give you quietness of heart, and when He gives quietness, no trouble can take it away. May He lift you up as you trust Him, whether this job becomes yours or He leads you another way. We continue to pray with you and thank God for the work He has already done in you and for the work He will continue to do.
Your story brings to mind the book of Job, which is one of the oldest books in Scripture and stands at the beginning of the poetry books along with Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. Though Job may have lived in the time of Abraham, and cultures and times have changed so much since then, the deepest cries of the human heart have not changed. The same needs Job expressed, the same questions about suffering, confusion and hope, are still with us today.
Scripture gives us background that Job and his friends could not see. God had spoken well of Job because Job feared the Lord, and to fear the Lord is to hate evil and turn from it. Satan had been watching Job closely and had formed an idea about him, that Job only served God because God had placed a hedge around him and blessed him with so much. Satan asked permission to remove those blessings, predicting Job would then turn from God. God allowed that testing, and Job lost so much, yet he did not curse God.
That helps us understand something about the fear you named, that this new opportunity must be a test from the enemy and that it is too good to be true. The enemy does watch and accuse, but your life is not in his hands. You are kept within God's care, and He understands fully what you are going through. The things that happened to Job were written for our benefit, so that we would know God has not forsaken us when we walk through long seasons of pain and confusion.
Like Job, you have found that people who mean to comfort can sometimes add to the weight by suggesting that suffering must mean you have done something wrong, or that if you just get right with God everything will immediately be fixed. Job's friends did that. They insisted God is fair and just, which is true, and then wrongly concluded Job must be hiding sin. Job answered that God is indeed just, but he also did not understand what God was doing. Much of what Job said in his anguish, especially his words about death and despair, was the cry of a suffering man and not doctrine we should build our hope on. God Himself later corrected those despairing words, showing that our feelings in the dark, though honest, do not define the truth about God.
You described that confusion so well, the tension between faithful hope and bracing for another disappointment, the fear of letting hope sink in. Job knew that confusion too. He did not understand his circumstances, and he cried out for answers he did not receive right away. What God often says to us in that place is simply, trust Me. That can feel frustrating when we want to know and understand the outcome, but learning to trust when we do not understand is part of how God grows us. Job came to that place when he said, though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. That trust was not based on getting the answer he wanted, but on knowing the character of God.
You are right to guard your heart from attaching your identity and worth to this interview. Your identity is not in your struggles or in whether this door opens or closes. It is in who you are in God through Jesus Christ. An opportunity can be received with thankfulness without demanding that it must turn out a certain way. To acquaint yourself with God and be at peace is the path Scripture points to, receiving His word into your heart and walking with Him one day at a time.
We are praying for you for a quiet mind, for courage to keep going, for protection from the enemy's accusations and lies, for deep peace and confidence in who you are in God, and for strength to stand steady whatever the outcome may be. We pray that God will quiet fear and dread, that He will keep you focused on what is true today rather than on what might happen tomorrow, and that you will sense His comfort and presence as you prepare and as you wait.
We also remember how Job's story ends. After long silence and suffering, God revealed Himself and restored Job. It all works out in God's hands, not always as we picture, but always according to His wisdom and love. He sees your years of faithfulness, your two degrees, your health after childhood illness, your perseverance through so many closed doors, and this unexpected open door for the work you have long dreamed of. He is not forgetful or careless with your life.
May the Lord give you quietness of heart, and when He gives quietness, no trouble can take it away. May He lift you up as you trust Him, whether this job becomes yours or He leads you another way. We continue to pray with you and thank God for the work He has already done in you and for the work He will continue to do.
