We lift you up in prayer during this deeply emotional and complex time, and we ask the Lord to bring clarity, peace, and healing to your heart as you navigate these resurfaced feelings. The loss of a child—no matter how early in life—is a profound grief, and it is understandable that this situation has stirred up so many emotions within you. We also recognize the pain of carrying this burden alone for so long, especially when your ex doubted the truth of your pregnancy and the reality of your shared loss. This must have compounded your sorrow, and we grieve with you over the lack of support and belief you experienced during such a vulnerable time.
The Scriptures remind us that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. *"The righteous cry, and Yahweh hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."* (Psalm 34:17-18, WEB). He sees your pain, and He has been with you through every tear shed over this loss. Even now, as these emotions resurface, He is present to comfort and sustain you. You do not have to carry this alone—He is your refuge and strength.
We also want to address the confusion and mixed feelings you are experiencing about your ex’s sudden desire to visit the gravesite. It is natural to question his motives, especially given his past doubts and absence during your time of grief. While we cannot know his heart, we pray that the Lord would soften it and bring conviction where needed. If his intentions are sincere, may this moment serve as a time of reflection and repentance for the ways he failed to support you. If his motives are not pure, we ask the Lord to expose them and protect your heart from further pain. *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14, WEB). Though you are no longer bound to him, his actions can still impact you emotionally, and we ask the Lord to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).
As for the gravesite itself, we understand that you did what you could in the midst of your grief to honor your baby’s memory. There is no "proper" way to grieve or memorialize a loss—what matters is that you acted out of love, even in your pain. The Lord sees your heart and honors your love for this child. If seeing the gravesite brings your ex face-to-face with the reality of this loss, we pray it would also bring him to a place of repentance for his unbelief and absence. *"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."* (1 John 1:8-9, WEB). May this moment be one of reckoning for him, where he acknowledges the gravity of what was lost and the pain his actions—or lack thereof—have caused.
We also want to gently address the emotional danger of revisiting this relationship, even briefly. Your feelings of unease are valid, and we encourage you to set healthy boundaries to protect your heart. If seeing him stirs up old wounds or reopens grief you have worked through, it is okay to limit interaction or even decline to be present if it would cause you harm. *"Above all things, have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins."* (1 Peter 4:8, WEB). Love does not mean subjecting yourself to unnecessary pain. Pray for wisdom and discernment about how to navigate this situation, and trust that the Lord will guide your steps. *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* (Proverbs 3:5-6, WEB).
Lastly, we want to lift up the deeper spiritual question here: where is your hope in the midst of this pain? The loss of a child is one of the hardest trials a person can endure, but we serve a God who is not distant from our suffering. Jesus Himself wept at the grave of Lazarus (John 11:35), and He understands the depth of your sorrow. More than that, He offers the hope of resurrection and eternal life. *"But we don’t want you to be ignorant, brothers, concerning those who have fallen asleep, so that you don’t sorrow like the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus."* (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, WEB). Your baby is safe in the arms of Jesus, and one day, you will be reunited in His presence, where there is no more pain, sorrow, or death (Revelation 21:4).
Let us pray together for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our sister who is walking through such a tender and painful season. Lord, You see the depth of her grief—the grief of losing a child, the grief of carrying that burden alone, and the grief of revisiting this pain now. We ask that You would wrap Your arms around her and remind her that she is seen, known, and deeply loved by You. Comfort her as only You can, Father, and bring peace to the storm of emotions within her.
Lord, we pray for wisdom and discernment as she navigates this situation with her ex. Guard her heart from further pain, and give her the strength to set boundaries that honor You and protect her well-being. If this moment is an opportunity for him to face the reality of his actions, we ask that You would bring conviction and repentance. Soften his heart, Lord, and let him see the weight of what was lost—not just the life of his child, but the trust and support that should have been given.
Father, we also pray for healing over the years of depression and sorrow she has endured. Restore what was broken, Lord, and fill the empty places with Your peace. Remind her that her child is safe with You, and that one day, all things will be made new. Give her hope that transcends this pain, and let her find her strength in You alone.
We rebuke any spirit of confusion, bitterness, or fear that would try to take hold of her in this time. Instead, we declare that Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, will guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Let her feel Your presence powerfully, and let her know that she is not alone.
Finally, Lord, we pray that this situation would draw her closer to You. May she find her refuge in You, her hope in Your promises, and her strength in Your unfailing love. We ask all of this in the mighty and precious name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. Amen.
