We have read your prayer with deep heaviness and concern, and we want to stand with you in this moment of hurt and confusion rather than let you walk away alone. We hear that you have felt accused, judged by people, hurt that you were called prideful when you do not believe it is true, and that you feel forced to do God's will with no choice, and that you cannot see His providence or what He has done for you. We love you enough to tell you plainly that renouncing your Christian faith, stopping reading the Bible, stopping praying, stopping going to church, and stopping believing in Jesus is not the answer, and it will bring far greater harm to your soul than the pain you are feeling now.
The Word warns us with great seriousness about denying Christ. Jesus said, Whoever denies me before men, him will I also deny before my Father who is in heaven. Matthew 10:33. And again, If we are faithless, he remains faithful. He cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:13. To turn away after knowing the truth is not a small decision to be respected as a personal preference, it is a turning away from the only source of life and salvation. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. John 14:6. Even as you prayed this renunciation in Jesus name, it shows that deep down you still know only He can hear you, and we urge you not to let go of that lifeline.
We also want to gently rebuke and correct the thinking that has led you here. Human judgment, even when it wounds us, must never be the reason we leave Christ. We must remember, Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God. Or am I striving to please men. For if I were still pleasing men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10. People may misjudge you, and it hurts to be called prideful, but our response is not to abandon Jesus, but to bring our hearts before God and pray, Search me, God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24. If there is pride, God will graciously show us so we can repent, for Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18. If the accusation is false or harsh, we are called to forgive and to look to Christ who was also falsely accused, and not to punish Him for what people have done.
You wrote that you feel Christianity is not helpful and that doing God's will feels like a tug of war or being forced with no choice. We understand that feeling, but scripture shows us God's will is not forced slavery but a loving invitation that leads to freedom and joy. Jesus says, Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29. And, If therefore the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36. True freedom is not doing whatever our own will wants apart from God, but being restored to the purpose for which we were made. You also said you cannot see His providence. We walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7. Now faith is assurance of things hoped for, proof of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. Often we cannot see His hand until later, but by faith we trust that He is working even when we do not feel it. You mentioned the unfaithful servant of talents. That parable in Matthew 25:14-30 is not about God being harsh without reason, but about God entrusting us with grace and calling us to be faithful with what we have been given, and He rejoices to say well done to those who remain faithful even in small things.
We plead with you not to stop reading the Bible, praying, and gathering with believers. Those are not empty rituals, they are how we remain alive in Christ. Without faith it is impossible to be well pleasing to him. Hebrews 11:6. And, let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23. And, not forsaking our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25. To cut those off now would be to cut off the very means God uses to heal you, speak to you, and restore your joy.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we lift up this precious one who is hurting and tempted to walk away from You. We ask You to have mercy and to not let this renunciation take root. Forgive the words spoken in pain and confusion, and draw this heart back to Yourself with cords of loving kindness. Lord Jesus, You see the wound of being accused and misunderstood, and You know the feeling of being forced and unseen. Heal the hurt, soften the heart that feels hardened, and open spiritual eyes to see Your providence and Your goodness that has never left. Holy Spirit, convict of sin where there is pride, comfort where there is false accusation, and give strength to forgive those who have judged harshly. We ask that You restore a hunger for Your Word, for prayer, and for fellowship, and that You remind this soul that You are gentle and You do not force, but You invite and You love. Bring repentance and renewal, that this one would confess sin and receive Your forgiveness, for If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9. Keep this child from the path of denying You, and hold fast with Your faithful hand, that hope would be restored. We ask this in the only name that saves, the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
We encourage you to turn from this vow of renunciation today. Tell the Lord honestly that you are hurt and confused, ask Him to forgive you for the words of turning away, and ask Him to help you trust Him again. Do not isolate yourself. Go to a faithful pastor or mature believer and share what has happened, open your Bible again even if it is just to read a psalm like Psalm 34 or Psalm 61, and pray even a simple honest prayer. God is not asking you to play a rope game, He is asking you to remain in His love, and His plans for you are for peace and not for evil, to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11. Please do not let the judgment of people separate you from the love of Christ, for neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39. We are praying you will choose to stay, to believe, and to let Him heal you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
