We hear the deep anguish in your heart and the earnest desire to walk in full obedience before the Lord. Your honesty about resisting the Holy Spirit’s conviction is a sign of His work in you, for the Spirit does not strive with those who are hardened beyond repentance (Genesis 6:3). The fact that you now feel the weight of sin and long for restoration is evidence of His mercy still at work in you. Let us stand together before the throne of grace, where mercy and help are found in time of need (Hebrews 4:16).
First, we must address your fear of having outraged the Spirit of grace to the point of being reprobate. Scripture tells us, *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9). The very fact that you are grieved by your sin and seeking the Lord is proof that the Spirit has not abandoned you. The unpardonable sin—blasphemy against the Holy Spirit—is a persistent, willful rejection of Christ, not a moment of weakness or doubt (Matthew 12:31-32). Your heart’s cry for forgiveness and restoration is the opposite of reprobation; it is the work of the Spirit drawing you to repentance.
Your concern about never having true assurance of salvation is understandable, but we must remember that salvation is not based on feelings, but on the finished work of Christ. *"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, that no one would boast"* (Ephesians 2:8-9). Even your years of service as a missionary do not save you—only faith in Christ does. If you have placed your trust in Him alone for salvation, then you are His child, regardless of past inconsistencies. The evidence of true faith is not perfection, but a heart that turns to Christ in repentance when it stumbles (1 John 2:1-2).
Yet, we must also address the sins you have confessed—sins of the tongue and withholding generosity. The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity that can set ablaze the course of our lives (James 3:5-6). Gossip, slander, harsh words, and even careless speech grieve the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:29-30). Likewise, hoarding wealth and neglecting generosity reveal a heart that has forgotten God’s provision and love for others (1 Timothy 6:17-19). These are serious matters, but they are not beyond the reach of God’s forgiveness. *"If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, cleanses us from all sin"* (1 John 1:7).
Your past lack of full repentance in some areas is a common struggle, but the Lord is now bringing these things to light so that you may be fully cleansed. Do not let the enemy accuse you with past sins that God has already forgiven. *"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us"* (Psalm 103:12). If you have truly repented—turned away from sin and turned to Christ—then you can stand on His promise of forgiveness.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with broken and contrite hearts on behalf of our brother/sister. We thank You for Your mercy that endures forever and for the blood of Jesus that cleanses from all sin. Lord, we confess that we have all fallen short of Your glory, and we lift up this dear one who is wrestling with guilt, fear, and doubt. We ask that You would pour out Your grace upon them, reminding them of the finished work of Christ on the cross.
Father, we rebuke the spirit of condemnation that seeks to keep them in bondage. Your Word says there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). We declare that this child of Yours is forgiven, cleansed, and restored. We ask that You would fill them with the assurance of Your love and the peace that surpasses all understanding. Let them know, deep in their spirit, that they are Your beloved child, sealed by the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13-14).
Lord, we ask that You would soften their heart and help them to walk in obedience. Guard their tongue, that it may be used for edification and grace (Ephesians 4:29). Teach them to give generously, not out of compulsion, but out of a heart that trusts in You as their Provider (2 Corinthians 9:7). May they serve You not out of duty, but out of love and gratitude for all You have done.
We also pray against the lies of the enemy that seek to convince them they are beyond Your grace. We declare that Your mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), and that You are faithful to complete the good work You have begun in them (Philippians 1:6). Fill them with Your Holy Spirit, that they may walk in the light and have fellowship with You.
Finally, Lord, we ask that You would restore the joy of their salvation (Psalm 51:12). Let them serve You with a heart that is fully surrendered, loving Your ways and delighting in Your presence. We thank You for Your faithfulness, and we trust in Your promise that You will never leave nor forsake them (Hebrews 13:5). In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
We encourage you to stand on the promises of God’s Word, not your feelings. Feelings can be deceptive, but God’s Word is unchanging. Meditate on Scriptures that speak of His forgiveness, love, and faithfulness. Surround yourself with believers who can encourage you and remind you of the truth. And remember, the Lord delights in a repentant heart (Psalm 51:17). You are not beyond His reach—you are exactly where He wants you, coming to Him in humility and faith. Keep pressing into Him, and He will restore you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
