Dwmoroamar
Disciple of Prayer
My partner wife of 20 years is going through a life change after her 67th birthday, which has made her think the life she has left should be better spent without me. She went from telling me we "we're so lucky to have one another" to now, she locks herself in the room and does not even look at me. We never had any big fights other than what's normal. I don't have a vindictive mean heart and I have been led all these years that she does not either. I am supposed to be the one to help her get around and feed her when she gets to an age later where she will need help. I make her tea in the mornings and offer to make her food before heading off to work. We've shared in many things all these years. She has just sent me an email that she wants to live the rest of her life without me and maybe be friends later. About a month ago she was startled by a nightmare she had, saying that I was leaving her. I said to her that I would never do that and that things around the house were getting done as she had always wanted. I told her "it's coming along ... you'll see". The garden she and I set up is now just sitting there and I'm the one watering what she was planting. I had plans to build her a greenhouse she now has rejected. A week ago she up and left out of town for over a week and said, it was "to clear her head". I have no idea where or with whom she stayed. She did this to me two years ago wrote me a letter that I needed to go and when I started moving into a storage some of my personal belongings and slept in a warehouse and in friends' homes, she reached out to me crying and pleading that she was wrong and could not live without me. I prayed then and said, if this is your will Hashem then, so be it. I gave her a little time to think it out. I had no idea that she started taking some drug to help her cope until recently, when she stopped taking it and then out of nowhere this. I am so heartbroken because we have a history and I have a bond with our two dogs that will no longer have me to take care of them and walk them. I cry when I look into their eyes knowing what this is going to do to them when and if I'm gone and she locks them in the house to be left alone for hours. I have spent my years fixing up the home she's always wanted in an old neighborhood. My car is in need of repairs, I'm still having to pay off my credit card for the last time that I was on the streets two years ago for this same reason. Just the thought of where I'm going now is killing me inside. I'm asking G-D that His will for my life be done. If we are meant to be together or go our ways, so be it. If I am meant to leave my city... so be it. I just wish for the heaviness to be lifted and a clear direction to come from G-D and not from me. Please pray that Hashem can hear me and deliver my wife and me from this very hurtful moment. THANK YOU.