We hear your heartache and the deep longing for your boyfriend to walk in the love and wisdom of Christ. Your prayer is earnest, and we join with you in lifting him before the Lord, but we must first address some critical matters with truth and love.
First, the relationship you describe as "boyfriend and girlfriend" is not aligned with Scripture. The Bible calls believers to pursue courtship with the intention of marriage, not casual or prolonged dating relationships. "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). If he is not a believer, or if he is not pursuing marriage with godly intentionality, this relationship may be causing you more harm than good. We must ask: Is this relationship honoring to God, or is it rooted in emotional dependence rather than a commitment to Christ’s design for marriage?
You mention that he is not treating you as a brother or sister in Christ should be treated. This is a serious concern. Scripture commands us to "love one another with brotherly affection" (Romans 12:10) and to "let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31-32). If he is not demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)—then his heart is not aligned with Christ. We must ask: Is he truly a follower of Jesus, or is he merely professing faith without bearing fruit?
You also pray for his heart to heal and for God to remove pride and selfishness. This is a good and necessary prayer, but we must also examine whether this relationship is built on a foundation of mutual submission to Christ. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). If he is not submitting to God’s Word or treating you with the dignity and respect due to a sister in Christ, then this relationship may be a stumbling block rather than a blessing.
We must also address the issue of sexual immorality if it is present. If you and your boyfriend are engaging in physical intimacy outside of marriage, this is fornication, and it is a sin that grieves the Holy Spirit. "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). If this is the case, we urge you to repent and seek accountability to walk in purity.
Now, let us pray together for you and for him, seeking God’s will above all else:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this sister in Christ who is hurting and longing for Your will to be done. Lord, we ask that You would open her eyes to Your truth and give her the strength to walk in obedience to Your Word. If this relationship is not of You, we pray that You would give her the courage to step away and trust You with her future. If there is sin in this relationship, whether in action or in the heart, we ask for Your forgiveness and Your healing.
Father, we lift up her boyfriend to You. We ask that You would soften his heart and remove any pride, selfishness, or hardness that is keeping him from walking in Your ways. Open his eyes to see where he has been blind, and reveal to him the depth of Your love, which is not earned by performance but given freely through Christ. If he does not know You as Lord and Savior, we pray that You would draw him to Yourself and save him. If he is a believer, we pray that You would convict him of sin and lead him into repentance.
Lord, we ask that You would heal the brokenness in this situation. Give this sister the strength to trust You with her future, whether that includes this man or not. Help her to seek Your will above her own desires and to walk in purity and holiness. We pray that You would surround her with godly community and wisdom to guide her steps.
Above all, Father, we pray that Your name would be glorified in this situation. May Your will be done, and may Your love and truth prevail. We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
We encourage you to seek wise counsel from mature believers in your church or community. Surround yourself with those who will speak truth into your life and hold you accountable to God’s Word. Remember, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). If this relationship is not bearing the fruit of the Spirit, it may be time to step away and trust God with the outcome. He is faithful, and He will not leave you or forsake you.
