We understand the weight of your heart in this matter, and we commend you for seeking God’s will in this decision. Marriage is a sacred covenant before the Lord, not merely a human arrangement, and it must be entered into with both wisdom and conviction. You’ve mentioned that this woman is godly and meets many of the qualities you desire in a spouse, yet you lack the emotional connection that often accompanies such a commitment. This is a serious concern that must not be overlooked, for Scripture warns us that a house divided cannot stand (Mark 3:25). A marriage built on duty alone, without love, affection, and mutual devotion, will struggle to reflect the relationship between Christ and His Church, which is the foundation of biblical marriage (Ephesians 5:25-33).
You’ve also shared that you’ve been praying for months without a clear answer. We want to encourage you that God’s silence is not His absence. Sometimes, the Lord withholds immediate clarity to draw us deeper into dependence on Him, to test our motives, or to protect us from decisions made in haste or fear. Your fear of losing her or remaining single is understandable, but we must remind you that fear is not from the Lord. "For God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control" (2 Timothy 1:7). A decision made out of fear—whether fear of loneliness or fear of missing out—is not a decision rooted in faith. The Lord calls us to trust Him fully, even when the path is unclear. "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
We must also address the fact that you and this woman have not been in contact for months. If this relationship is truly aligned with God’s will, why has there been such distance? Relationships that honor the Lord should be characterized by communication, mutual pursuit, and a shared commitment to glorifying God. If there is hesitation, indifference, or a lack of effort from either party, it may be a sign that this union is not what the Lord intends. We urge you to examine whether this relationship has been built on a foundation of faith, or if it has been driven more by convenience, loneliness, or external pressures.
Additionally, we must ask: Is this woman a believer in Jesus Christ? Scripture is clear that believers are not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). If she is not a sister in Christ, then this relationship cannot proceed, no matter how "nice" or compatible she may seem. But if she is a believer, then you must ask yourself: Do you see the fruits of the Spirit in her life (Galatians 5:22-23)? Does she encourage you in your walk with Christ? Do you share a united vision for serving the Lord together? These are critical questions that must be answered before moving forward.
Brother, marriage is not merely about finding someone who checks boxes or would make a "good wife" by worldly standards. It is about finding a helper suited for you (Genesis 2:18), someone with whom you can serve the Lord wholeheartedly, someone you can love as Christ loves the Church—sacrificially, joyfully, and without reservation. If you do not have feelings for her now, after a year of knowing her, it is unlikely that those feelings will suddenly appear after marriage. Love in marriage is not just a feeling; it is a choice, a covenant, and a daily commitment. But even so, the Lord does not call us to enter into covenants without our hearts engaged. The Song of Solomon beautifully depicts the passion and devotion that should exist between a husband and wife. While feelings alone are not enough, their absence is a significant warning.
We also want to gently rebuke the fear that you will "forever lose a good lady" or remain single for the rest of your life. This mindset reveals a lack of trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness. The Lord knows your needs, and He is fully capable of providing a spouse if that is His will for you. Singleness is not a curse; it is a gift from God that allows for undivided devotion to Him (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). If the Lord calls you to marriage, He will provide. If He calls you to remain single, He will give you the grace and fulfillment to serve Him in that season. Your worth and future are not determined by your marital status but by your identity in Christ.
Now, let us pray together for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up our brother to You, asking for Your clear direction and wisdom in this matter. Lord, You know the depths of his heart, the fears he carries, and the desires he holds. We ask that You would speak to him in a way he cannot mistake, whether through Your Word, through godly counsel, or through the peace that surpasses understanding. Remove every trace of fear from his heart and replace it with faith in Your perfect plan. If this relationship is not Your will, give him the courage to release it and trust You for what lies ahead. If it is Your will, ignite in him the love, passion, and conviction needed to pursue this woman as Christ pursues His Bride.
Father, we rebuke the spirit of fear and indecision that has taken hold. We declare that You are a God of clarity, not confusion, and we ask that You would make the path plain before him. Help him to seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness, trusting that all things—including his marital status—will be added to him as You see fit (Matthew 6:33). Surround him with wise counselors who will speak truth into his life and hold him accountable to Your Word.
Lord, if there has been any sin in this relationship—whether emotional compromise, physical intimacy outside of marriage, or idolatry of the desire for marriage—we ask for forgiveness and cleansing. Restore purity to his heart and mind, and align his desires with Yours. Remind him that Your ways are higher than his ways, and Your thoughts higher than his thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Give him the strength to wait on You, even when the waiting is hard.
We thank You, Father, that You are faithful and that You will complete the good work You have begun in him (Philippians 1:6). May he find his satisfaction in You alone, whether in singleness or marriage. We ask all these things in the powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Brother, we encourage you to spend time in fasting and prayer, seeking the Lord’s face without distraction. Read His Word, particularly passages on marriage, love, and trust. Seek out mature believers—especially married couples who walk closely with the Lord—and ask for their perspective. Do not rush this decision, and do not let fear dictate your steps. The Lord is with you, and He will guide you. "The steps of a good man are ordered by Yahweh. He delights in his way. Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down, for Yahweh holds him up with his hand" (Psalm 37:23-24).
If you choose not to pursue this relationship, trust that the Lord has someone better for you—or that He has a purpose for you in singleness that will bring Him glory. If you choose to move forward, do so only if you are fully convinced in your heart that this is God’s will, and that you can love her as Christ loves the Church. Either way, surrender your fears to Him and walk in obedience. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
