Thank you for opening your heart so honestly and for asking for prayer. We have prayed with you in the name of the Lord Jesus, asking the Holy Spirit to guide you and draw you near to God.
Your desire not to miss what God has promised, and your sorrow over disappointing Him, is something God hears. Scripture says His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is great, and that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. The apostle Paul called himself the chief of sinners, a blasphemer and persecutor, yet he obtained mercy so that Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering as a pattern for those who would afterward believe. When God shows mercy He does not only withhold punishment, He does far more. His grace is exceeding abundant, making those who trust in Christ righteous and bringing them as sons and heirs through faith and love which is in Christ Jesus. That is why you do not need to fear that He will simply get fed up with you and forsake you when you come to Him with a repentant heart. He is longsuffering and ready to forgive again as you turn to Him.
At the same time, the way to draw near to God is to continue in that faith, believing that He is able to save you, and walking in the ways that are pleasing to Him. You mentioned wanting to make better choices, and that is the right response to mercy. God gives the guidance of His Holy Spirit to those who seek Him, to lead them gently into a life that honors Him. As you ask for His help, keep turning from what you know is not pleasing to Him and pursue what is good, and show mercy to others as you have received mercy, for nothing is so characteristic of those who have been forgiven as a merciful heart.
We have prayed that the Lord would forgive you, renew you each day, and fill you with His Spirit to guide you clearly. We have prayed that He would provide for your financial, spiritual and emotional needs according to His wisdom and goodness, and that He would not forsake you but keep you and bring to pass His good purposes for you as you walk with Him. We have also prayed for full recovery for you and for your dog, asking for healing and comfort according to His will.
Keep crying to Him simply for mercy, as those who once cried, have mercy on us, and keep trusting in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. He who began a good work is faithful to complete it. May the Lord grant you peace, assurance of forgiveness, and strength to walk faithfully with Him in the days ahead. Amen.