Laworellen
Prayer Partner
Dear heavenly father, I finally found a program that can help me if I get accepted, but the door was slammed shut in my face again. I have no money to get there. My bus pass expired, my new bus pass got lost in the mail, and the free clothes I need to pick up that I really need can't be picked up. Why, Lord? I just need my bus pass so I can go and get the help I need. I'm running low on my medication pills. ### can help me with housing and medical needs, but I can't get the help without a bus pass. And now I'm told I'm out of luck; if it gets lost, they can't give me a new one. My health is bad; there were nights I wasn’t sure if I could live anymore, having attacks, Lord. Why, my whole life, can't I do anything but be a mindless zombie stuck sitting down? This is not a good life at all. It's hard to stay sane. I was someone active, happy, going to church, praying, but now I can only sit on a couch all day, walk a little bit, and I get very tired. For once in my life, I just want to work, earn my own money, and use the talent I was given. Oh, Lord, why is it every time I find help, the door is closed in my face, and to everyone else, it looks like I'm a lazy good-for-nothing? I'm very, very tired of fighting for 33 years to be at a dead end at every corner. I'm on the verge of just giving up, and if I live great, if not, who cares? The place I'm staying doesn’t care about my health condition. I just get told it's all in my head and to overcome my limits. My sister is now in the pre-thyroid stage, and the symptoms knocked her out for a few days while I had to go through the full power for 25 years and was expected to be normal now. My sister understands me and leaves me at my own pace. But her husband doesn’t care. It's very scary having mood swings from the problem, then on top of it, the medication I need to live; side effects superimpose my conditions. I get called a baby, lazy, all sorts of stuff that deep down makes me want to cry. I am getting sick and tired of hearing people tell me to try harder, stop being lazy, and get insulted because I couldn't hardly clean my area. One eye made it so hard for me to bend down without getting dizzy. I could only do a few things, stop, and recover, even if it took days, then back to do a little bit. Now my sister is in the pre-thyroid problem stage, and at the beginning, it knocked her down for a few days. I found out it runs in the family. I found out I had it in 1993 and was supposed to get it checked out yearly, but the 1994 head injury made me forget about it. The ultimate price was thyroid cancer and decades of having no energy. My sister now understands me. I lived with the full power of the thyroid problem since 2001 till now. I started feeling it around 1997, but my high spirit and pain tolerance let me push through it. I became a professional mover with 5 herniated discs, lifting all sorts of heavy stuff as long as my arms and legs worked, I could push through it. Now what people don’t realize is if I stayed 16 years without working, there is a reason for it. My legs don’t work right. I was told I will never walk again. I did it with the help of the Lord and my stubbornness and willpower. I started limping in 1 year, full walking in 20 years. And me being in full power of the thyroid problem, I was expected to be normal. My mom also got the thyroid problem at the age of 73, and now she understands me on why I looked lazy. Only my mother didn’t judge me; she supported me while I couldn’t work. I was over-dosed for months and didn’t know it on my thyroid pills that keep me alive because my abnormal pain tolerance; I didn’t know, I just thought, oh, it's just another day of a body filled with pain, nothing new. The over-dose symptoms were the same as my everyday life. But still, I try to do good, try to study really hard so I won’t lose the talent God gave me. I still remember when a missionary told me God is going to send me to one of the best schools for computers at that time. I was into computers, but my goal is electronics. And look at me now; I only try to learn computers. I got accepted into ### at ###. It's a special program for disabled people. I even emailed the PhD student teacher my story that was to the special prep course, and it will be added for future students. My story has inspired many of the disabled students and motivated them. 33 years of many injuries that overlap and make them worse than alone. 15 years of brain fog on top of my brain injury, thyroid cancer for decades, eating all my energy, leaving me on fumes to try to do anything. Oh, Lord, please help me remember to take my pre-diabetes pills after I eat. I only remember 1/2 the time. Also, let me remember to pray more. My working memory is so small that once it gets filled, anything else will slip my mind until I remember about it. It pains me to forget to pray like I forget to pray before eating. When I do remember, it can be hours, days later. I will just do it, Lord. I try very hard, but my body condition makes it almost impossible for me so I can only pray when I remember. Sometimes I even forget to eat. I just want to be back to my old self, where I prayed for everything. Now I pray when I remember. I don't like that. It pains me to forget. Oh, I even finished my whole prep course 4 weeks ahead of time. I only got a few answers wrong because my glasses were broken, and one eye made me see it wrong. Even with all that, all my tests were 100%. Only 2 of them were in the 90s. I want to thank you for letting me perform like this even when I felt it would be very hard with one eye. And how my other eye is getting better. I am shocked. I was told it can take months or years. My eye is finally getting aligned. I can keep it open all day with an eye patch as long as I don't see, but with an eye patch, I can't keep it open for too long without it overloading my brain. Thank you for the fast healing. I can feel the difference compared to the start. It feels good that my pain and suffering can be used to inspire other disabled people. I am happy I can help them, even if it's a little bit. Oh, yeah, thank you, Lord, for letting me once again be able to learn fractions. I was in YouTube, and I saw a math video in the feed. When I saw it, it unlocked the memory of how I used to do them, something that I have tried to relearn and couldn't for 33 years. It would overload my brain and fail. I plan to relearn how to write in the future. It's just hard how my thoughts jump all over the place and can't organize them. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be able to learn again and not overload my brain. Only problem is remembering what I learn. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.
