treeoflife
Account Closed
O my God, hear my prayer. Let me walk by faith here a while Lord, because I cannot tell where I am going. Lead me in the way Lord Jesus, because the path is dark, and I seek still to do righteous works. I ask for better days financially, - I ask for some shred of meaning to come out of my musical life, as well. I am very sick of failure, Jesus - and as an artist it hurts when the art is created for others, but there are no 'others' to give it to.
God, am I not good enough for the life I'm seeking? Years go by, Lord Jesus, but my prayers day after day are the same to You in my heart. This hurts me also, because God is able to do for all whatever we need - and for me, what I need is a Father in heaven that sees something worth something to Him in me. Because for 26 years of life - I have not felt complete joy, and my passion for creating spiritual work in God has left me with a wound, and not an award.
God, I believe in You - forgive me Jesus Christ if I am offending you in praying this way - but Lord Jesus, I am that human exception to 'Ask and you shall receive' - and 'Knock and it shall be opened to you' - I say this not because I know what is to come but because on account of my following God in my art and my life I didn't meet almost ANY success.
God Jesus, though I am not an envious man - it hurts me to see others my age who are on track completely. You told me to follow You, that that was the right track - and I, stupidly in my heart, thought that must have also meant my dreams in God would be fulfilled - because as I follow You I listen to You, and what I hear I speak again - so I do not understand why because I chose to write music from a young age that that should mean I lack a future on earth. That doesn't seem fair to me, Lord Almighty - and I am a byword to my friends for failure.
Men say - God helps those who help themselves - but He helps those also who follow Him despite how foolhardy the world ignorantly judged them at first. Moses followed You, absolutely without any direction but You, in the desert for 40 years.
Jesus trusted You absolutely, and there was nothing and is nothing You will not do in His name for His glory and Yours. So I am confused about it, God. I know and believe You have all power to change anything Yahweh, but why when I pray and ask and others also here ask - [and bless you all for praying here for me, because here I pray to be delivered for my own joy, so I pray God grants you full joy also in whatever way you need most] - can't I tell anything changed at all? Why is it that I pray for safety and rescue from the jaws of the enemy, who wants to devour a beautiful future marriage in You Jesus, a spouse You gave me to love and a person I am committed to be faithful to, he chews me all the harder? I cry every day lately, because I want to be a man that... as I near 30, I am starting to have to accept that You DO NOT want me to be. Musician me - I guess he didn't make God's final cut. I don't know.
But God Jesus, I am totally heartbroken because of everything lately. I feel like I was set up by God Himself to fail sometimes - that maybe not just among men, but maybe up there too I'm another byword for someone who is a fool.
I feel like one, Jesus Christ - but if I should be a fool for You it is good to me. Maybe You will have mercy, and after I die on earth You'll give me a different life where I can be me without the devil trying to choke me off the planet. I don't know what to do, God - in the game of life from turn one You told me it was checkmate, and now I feel hopeless to move around the pieces really.
I will not be happy - because this life of music and art, humble small success that I wanted - though it is in my heart, and I believe in God - as of today, its not something that with my limited perception I see You bringing to pass for me, - not because it is impossible, - but because maybe You will not speak it to me. I love You more than I love music, God - so if You are going to kill my dreams, God - don't be sparing. If Your intention Yahweh is to kill these dreams, - please don't let me suffer it. But let me go and make my heart a stone then - because if of the chiefest and most permanent impact on me of the things that I bring to God - if You want these dreams in music to pass away - better then that I shouldn't feel anything - and should become a different man altogether.
I love You Jesus, please guide me, please hear my prayer and answer my questions. Please explain it all to me in a way I will understand easily - and will remember always - because I am not like You are, and I am not too perceptive - and not always the best at making sense of what You're trying to tell me.
Amen in Jesus Christ's name.
God, am I not good enough for the life I'm seeking? Years go by, Lord Jesus, but my prayers day after day are the same to You in my heart. This hurts me also, because God is able to do for all whatever we need - and for me, what I need is a Father in heaven that sees something worth something to Him in me. Because for 26 years of life - I have not felt complete joy, and my passion for creating spiritual work in God has left me with a wound, and not an award.
God, I believe in You - forgive me Jesus Christ if I am offending you in praying this way - but Lord Jesus, I am that human exception to 'Ask and you shall receive' - and 'Knock and it shall be opened to you' - I say this not because I know what is to come but because on account of my following God in my art and my life I didn't meet almost ANY success.
God Jesus, though I am not an envious man - it hurts me to see others my age who are on track completely. You told me to follow You, that that was the right track - and I, stupidly in my heart, thought that must have also meant my dreams in God would be fulfilled - because as I follow You I listen to You, and what I hear I speak again - so I do not understand why because I chose to write music from a young age that that should mean I lack a future on earth. That doesn't seem fair to me, Lord Almighty - and I am a byword to my friends for failure.
Men say - God helps those who help themselves - but He helps those also who follow Him despite how foolhardy the world ignorantly judged them at first. Moses followed You, absolutely without any direction but You, in the desert for 40 years.
Jesus trusted You absolutely, and there was nothing and is nothing You will not do in His name for His glory and Yours. So I am confused about it, God. I know and believe You have all power to change anything Yahweh, but why when I pray and ask and others also here ask - [and bless you all for praying here for me, because here I pray to be delivered for my own joy, so I pray God grants you full joy also in whatever way you need most] - can't I tell anything changed at all? Why is it that I pray for safety and rescue from the jaws of the enemy, who wants to devour a beautiful future marriage in You Jesus, a spouse You gave me to love and a person I am committed to be faithful to, he chews me all the harder? I cry every day lately, because I want to be a man that... as I near 30, I am starting to have to accept that You DO NOT want me to be. Musician me - I guess he didn't make God's final cut. I don't know.
But God Jesus, I am totally heartbroken because of everything lately. I feel like I was set up by God Himself to fail sometimes - that maybe not just among men, but maybe up there too I'm another byword for someone who is a fool.
I feel like one, Jesus Christ - but if I should be a fool for You it is good to me. Maybe You will have mercy, and after I die on earth You'll give me a different life where I can be me without the devil trying to choke me off the planet. I don't know what to do, God - in the game of life from turn one You told me it was checkmate, and now I feel hopeless to move around the pieces really.
I will not be happy - because this life of music and art, humble small success that I wanted - though it is in my heart, and I believe in God - as of today, its not something that with my limited perception I see You bringing to pass for me, - not because it is impossible, - but because maybe You will not speak it to me. I love You more than I love music, God - so if You are going to kill my dreams, God - don't be sparing. If Your intention Yahweh is to kill these dreams, - please don't let me suffer it. But let me go and make my heart a stone then - because if of the chiefest and most permanent impact on me of the things that I bring to God - if You want these dreams in music to pass away - better then that I shouldn't feel anything - and should become a different man altogether.
I love You Jesus, please guide me, please hear my prayer and answer my questions. Please explain it all to me in a way I will understand easily - and will remember always - because I am not like You are, and I am not too perceptive - and not always the best at making sense of what You're trying to tell me.
Amen in Jesus Christ's name.
