Dear one , somethings we will not have the answers to on this side of heaven , but I do know this and that is time is running out and we either have to stay true to what we believe and that is that God is the one true living God and that we will love and serve Him no matter what is going on in our lives . satan is working overtime to distract us and to make us feel like the Lord no longer cares what is going on , but we know that he is a liar ! It is easy to live for God when everything is turning out fine in our life , the true test is whether we will worship and praise Him in the valley . Please google the song "Praise You in this storm " by Casting crowns . Let me suggest that you get alone with God and worship and love Him like never before , in His presence is fullness of joy ! Things change in His holy presence , you will be refreshed . I am praying for you and will continue to do so . Be blessed !