looken4thelite
Humble Prayer Partner
Our situation is just getting worse, and I am in prayer 24/7, and I beg for God's mercy, and peace, and ask him and beg him to teach me whatever he wants me to learn in all of this, I beg his to fill me with his spirit all day and night long. But it's not happening, and I want nothing more than to report to those who have prayed for us... "that the Lord had blessed us and lifted some of our pain and lightened our burden and gave me a sense of peace, but it is not true. Just came back from the store, my son dropped me off and I felt strong enough to take a bus home but out of nowhere I broke down crying in front of everyone and almost went catatonic. The manager called a taxi for me and cried all the way home. I told my daughter that they wanted to put a feeding tube in me and found a huge growth in my left ovary, but I am at ### lb's and far too weak for surgery. I had to go to her work to tell her after 10 months of not even being able to find her, she saw how emaciated I looked and she just said nothing, also told her that my Doctor had suggested a soft lobotomy for me, because I have been through so much pain in my life, that he just doesn't think that I can go on in this depth of pain, which would basically make me a vegetable. I told her this as well, and she just could care less. I asked her if she wanted to be notified if I die? and she didn't even answer me, she just had her manager at the Bank come and kick me out...like a dog. She hates me I mean HATES!! And I have coddled her and treated her as my little princess her whole life...for the love of God I can not understand why??? and she will give me no reason. Now I have completely lost both of my girls whom I raised and loved and nurtured alone...all alone! So I'm sorry for those of you who have prayed for us, as we are just not doing better 1%, and if I let the Docs give me a lobotomy...yes it will kill this heart pain, but will also kill my son! So I will go on suffering for his sake. Also as one here suggested, that I forgive all who have hurt me..and I have and even blessed them. But nothing matters nothing changes or gets better or easier. Perhaps God has just forgotten my name altogether. And for the last 6 months, I have sought after Jesus every waking moment. Sooo.. I am completely lost, and feel a huge burden on my son, even though I am the only family he has now. I am only suffering each day for his sake, if not for him...God forgive me, but I think I would just go to sleep forever, and pray God's mercy receive me! And that is the truth.
So if anyone believes there is any hope for me still..plz pray, because I don't think God hears me. I must be the weakest Christian on the face of the earth.
So if anyone believes there is any hope for me still..plz pray, because I don't think God hears me. I must be the weakest Christian on the face of the earth.
