We hear your cry and we join with you in lifting your husband, your marriage, and your precious baby on the way before the throne of grace in Jesus' name. Your burden is heavy and we do not take lightly what you have described, a coldness of heart, a desire for control, intimidation, manipulation and a lack of remorse or compassion. This is not the heart God desires for a husband and father, and we grieve with you over the pain this has caused.
Scripture is clear about what God requires of a husband. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it Ephesians 5:25. Husbands, love your wives, and don't be bitter against them Colossians 3:19. You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, as also being joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered 1 Peter 3:7. A controlling, coercive, unblinking stare used to intimidate and a calculating heart that feels no guilt when hurting others is sin before God. It must be called what it is and it must be repented of. Love is patient and is kind, love doesn't envy, love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. What you describe is the opposite of love and we rebuke that spirit of hardness and control, and we pray your husband will be convicted by the Holy Spirit and turn from it with godly sorrow that leads to repentance.
We also know with God nothing is impossible and no heart is too hard for Him to transform. We cling to His promise, I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you. I will take the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh Ezekiel 36:26. The king's heart is in Yahweh's hand like the watercourses. He turns it wherever he desires Proverbs 21:1. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new 2 Corinthians 5:17. We pray for nothing less than this miraculous new birth for your husband, that God would deliver him from evil, break the chains of pride and manipulation, and fill him with compassion, tenderness, and the love of Christ.
We pray together now. Father in heaven, we come before You only through the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, and we lift this wife and mother to You, and her husband and their unborn child. Lord, You see the intimidation and coldness in this home, You see the tears and the fear, and You are near to those who have a broken heart, and save those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. We ask You to have mercy. Lord, transform this husband's heart. Remove his heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh that feels, that loves, that shows remorse and compassion. Deliver him from the evil of control and coercion and manipulation. Convict him deeply of his sin and lead him to true repentance and faith in Jesus. Teach him how to love his wife as Christ loves the church and how to cherish and protect his family. We pray for this precious baby, that You would form and protect this child, and provide a loving, godly father who will lead this family in righteousness. Father, be this wife's refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Psalm 46:1. Give her wisdom, discernment, and courage, and surround her with godly counsel and protection. Let Your will be done in this marriage and let this home be brought into the light and healing of Christ. In the mighty name of Jesus we pray, amen.
We encourage you to remain steadfast in prayer but also to seek wise and safe help in the body of Christ. Do not walk this path alone. Please bring this matter to a trusted pastor or elder and to mature believing women who can walk with you, pray with you, and help you establish godly boundaries. A husband who uses intimidation and control needs loving but firm accountability, and true change will require humble repentance, ongoing discipleship, and often consistent biblical counseling. If at any time you feel unsafe or threatened, please seek safety immediately and involve trusted family, church leaders, or appropriate help, for God calls husbands to protect, not to frighten their wives. If you ask for wisdom, ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to you James 1:5.
We noticed your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to gently remind you that it is only by His name that we have access to God. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. We pray that both you and your husband would put your full trust in Jesus, that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved Romans 10:9. It is that saving faith that makes a new heart possible.
We continue to stand with you for the sanctity of your marriage, for God hates the hardness that wounds a marriage, but He loves to restore what is broken when there is humble surrender to Him. We pray your marriage will become a testimony of God's power to redeem, with a husband who loves sacrificially and a wife who is honored and cherished, and a child raised in the security of that love. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God Romans 12:2. We are trusting God with you for that transformation.
