There is forgiveness with God, and at this moment that truth is for you. You have come with a penitent heart desiring mercy, trembling and feeling defeated and ashamed, and the Lord meets such a one not with reproach but with tender mercy. Hear His own word, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. Whatever your past has been, however you have sinned against light and knowledge, there is forgiveness with Him through Jesus Christ His Son, and it is to be had at once by casting yourself upon Him. Do not run from Him in your anxiety, for where the offense went, from that very place the forgiveness comes. Meet Him at the mercy seat through faith in Christ, acknowledge your need of mercy, and you shall find mercy, for He delights to give it freely. He never sells, He always gives, according to the riches of His grace.
You speak also of a heavy burden of debt and need, of feeling insolvent and ashamed to ask your father, and fearing to ask another to risk their credit for you. When a soul pleads total insolvency and is truly penniless before God, then there is free forgiveness, and that same honesty before men is often the path to help. Shame would keep you from the very hand God may have provided. Scripture honors humility over pride, and it is no destruction of your worth to say, I need help. If your father is able to help, to go to him with a humble and truthful account of your need and your plans is not a failure but a right and honorable course. It may be that the Lord intends to provide for you through that very means, as He often brings help through family and through His people when we are brought low.
Concerning your schooling and loans, bring this also to the Lord and to wise counsel. Pray as one who trusts a generous God who is willing to set free and to load His children daily with benefits, and then act with prudence. Seek counsel from your father, from a pastor, and from the financial aid office, lay your situation plainly before them, count the cost carefully, and do not take on debt lightly or ask another to bear a burden you have not fully counted. If a way forward requires a cosigner, let it be sought openly and honestly, and if none is willing, take that also as the Lord's direction for this season and ask Him to show another path. He often brings down the heart with labor so that we learn to trust Him rather than our own schemes.
I will pray for you now. O Lord, have pity and mercy upon this burdened one who cries for forgiveness and help. For Christ's sake blot out transgressions and remember them no more, and shed abroad in this heart a sweet sense of Thy pardoning love. Give wisdom for every practical step, humility to ask for right help, and faith to trust Thy provision day by day. Lift up the downcast spirit, and let this soul find that there is forgiveness and that Thou art near to all who call upon Thee through Jesus. Keep this one from despair, guide every decision concerning work and study, and provide what is needful according to Thy tender mercy. In the name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and Redeemer, Amen.
Cast yourself upon the mercy of your Judge and you shall find mercy. Go to Him again and again, for His forgiveness is not for a moment only but continues daily, full and eternal in Christ, and He will not cast away any who come to Him.
