A
amarisissad
Guest
My bf is scaring me
I don't like that he markets me to his friends as a burden and someone undeserving of his attention—a nuance at best and someone unsympathetic to his wants and needs. Only to turn around and smile in my face and tell me how lovely he thinks I am and what such a warm beautiful person I am deserving of love; and other bs of talk about how good-hearted I am and that I don't stress him out and that I enrich his life and he is happy I am around and has missed me when I was gone.
It can't be both but yet both of his personalities have spoken—very contradicting revelations about the same person! I have seen and obtain some of the proof of his two-faced dishonest slanderous behavior. Yet being armed with all the proof in the world and even being in a moment when he has done something rude or said something verbally abusive—he will lash out in a rage uncontrollable at you for daring to question anything he does no matter how horrible, hurtful, and mean the nature thereof.
I mean if you're with him he does no wrong while doing wrong all day. For lack of better words. I am very scared of him and what he will do to me, especially if I leave again. He is not right in the head. There is something deeply interstice on a chemical level that is not functioning right. It's almost like he doesn't even have a conscious; he just fakes one when he needs to and fakes emotions/emotional response when he needs to. I have seen it and experienced it. There is such a coldness to his eyes and stares when he thinks my back is turned that caused me to be startled and fearful of what is going on in his head in general and the negative emotions attached to me.
I have left him a few times and confronted him on lies and cheating he has put me through. He has expressed that while he will not admit to being anything less than a saint he is deeply and gravely offended at the fact I "stood up" to him (but of course, in his mind, it wasn't me standing up to him but me being "mean" and 'abusive" to him. Which is at most laughable, being all I did in a respectful way (not like his communication skills of yelling and sarcasm and intimidating) was express my desire for honesty, mutually respect like I show him in the relationship, and express how hurt I felt at the stuff he did/does that is inconsiderate for my feelings, emotions, and needs.
But to him, a cry for help for him to really think about how his behavior is negatively affecting people in his life is the same to him as a full assault attack that sends him into a state of mind that is to be feared and loathed. For after this grown man-temper tantrum of full-out burst of anger will come more resentment and an intensity to the environment he tries to hide within genuine smiles and sweet flattering words and gestures that are FAKED so BADLY you can tell of the contrary emotions he is hiding underneath. Sometimes he SNARES his face at me when he thinks I am sleeping or if I turn my head to look at something then turn back around I have caught him doing this.
OR…….
When he says I love you in his cold emotionless voice then raises the side of his lips up like a yeah right kinda of look OR he will roll his eyes RIGHT IN FRONT of me. So it's like he is not even trying to be convincing. His heart is so cold towards me. But I am not the one disturbed one; I know I haven't done anything wrong to him to deserve the way he has treated me. He in general I have come to find out has a lot of unfounded anger that flares up and mood swings that you just don't know where it's coming from; you just know it's there in him.
I want to leave but am so intimidated by him I feel like I am kinda a prisoner. I want to leave and start my life over without him in it. I want to forget we ever meant and not have to live in fear of him. There is the spoken intimidation and this unspoken type that is kinda a passive-aggressive in so many words "you better read between the lines" type of interaction between us. Leaving me in shock and fear and mourning the life I had before we meant though imperfect at least I had my freedom and was safe and could sleep at night without waking up to this insomniac mad dogging me.
I mean can you imagine waking up to some over-drugged (on prescription meds he takes more than he is supposed to, esp thanks to a friend who works as a pharmacist industry), insomniac who is mentally imbalanced who has hate and rage for you staring at you with a menacing look on his face looking at you like you just did something to piss him off but you have been asleep…?
I am too young for this, I just want to go to sleep without fear and wake up knowing this psycho doesn't know where I am and never will. It feels like he thinks of me as a dog or his property that he gets to be abusive to while at the same time use me as a scapegoat to get attention and sympathy from other people who only know his version of what happens in our relationship. His friends dislike me and think I am a bad person who has been mean and abusive to HIM and always bring up the fact I left their poor emotionally sensitive friend breaking his heart (* * * !!) because of the manipulation and lies he uses even on his own friends… Just to illicit attention and I think punish me for standing up to him in private.
So not only does he not have to own up to anything and he gets to belittle me ect he also gets to slander me and ruin my reputation in the light of others. So it's like I am being tripled punished and all I wanted to do was confront his abusive inappropriate behavior in hopes we could save this relationship. But I wish I would have seen it a lot sooner that this was never a relationship; it was a love-hate thing within himself that got unleashed on me. To make him feel in control he has to dominate everything in his life including me. By dominate I mean take advantage of abuse, mistreat, manipulate, and ect and push up until you are physically sick from all the mental, emotional strain on your life and body and THEN he wants you to TAKE IT no mouth no talking back no defending yourself no tears, no calling your master the punisher mean or say he has done anything wrong because to him YOU desire to be treated that way and you're gonna take with a closed mouth and in so doing bow down to him leaving him feeling like he has made you his * * * * * . And any time he has a bad day it's back to domination, humiliation, anything that twist his fancy and you better not speak up confront him about it. He could go on and tell other women what he wanted to do to them sexually and set up flings but I couldn't question him on it because 1) WITH THE EMAILS ON SCREEN He didn't do anything 2) Now I am once again being mean to him 3) He can do whatever he wants even cheat on you even though he has said he loved you and wanted a monogamous relationship with you.
This reminds me of my relationship/interactions with my birth family. It was a very dominating, abusive, horrific environment world for such a young innocent little being to be born into and have to experience and try to make sense of. I just want all this to be over.
It was become increasingly clear the deep resentment and unbridled displeasure he feel towards me for simply defending myself against a cold, inconsiderate, often abusive, manipulative, dominating, control freak behaviors I experienced whenever we were in a relationship together as we are now.
He is such a lying, deceiving, manipulative, mean, cold, unhappy, scary bastard. I don't want to feel like I have to run and hide away from him because he intimidates me and is hell bent on making me suffer for resisting his abusive, manipulative behavior towards me since we've been together. He is a man of wealth (he has more than one lawyer) and never has to work another day in his life because of the "old money" his parents left him as an inheritance. Which he lies about and says he made it in the entertainment industry.
He is so fortunate to be able to wake up every day and not have to worry about a job or money. His parents have taken care of this by spoiling him and making sure he stays this way after their deaths. All they did was give more power to an undeniable twisted mentally imbalanced man. Now a man with great wealth he can use to intimidate and lord over other people who make him mad as a weapon he can threaten them with. His anger and intimidation, his status and money, and insufferable anger that he has with anyone who tries to stand up to him or defend themselves against his inappropriate behaviors have leverage now..
So where do I run, where do I hide when I can, will I be able to feel safe, free in my skin in my life. I feel like by crediting I have buried myself so deep I can't turn back around now. I recently went through a very traumatic oral durning outlast break up and he was so supportive after it happened I thought he had softened and maybe sown his wild oats but it was all just a miserable act and I am such a ridiculous dummy to have fallen for the bait. To my defense I had gone through a very traumatic event and was a mess emotionally.
That is neither her nor there but what do I do now. He has lived in this state his whole life. Staying in this state is not an option by any means ways thought in mind. He has many friends in high places who are older than me. In short, he has strong holds in this state. He can be a very very- very charming, charismatic man, human being but it's only an act. He has like split personalities. You never know which he is morphing into or what you did or what the hell is going on. You just have to live through it and hope to get far away. BUT I SWEAR this time is different. There is something not right, something wrong. He is acting really weird and grinning all the time. I overheard a few phone conversations with his morally deprived friend (who already got in trouble once for selling drugs to an undercover cop. Causing him to lose his job as a pharmacist at the place he worked at but got off easy (meaning he still practices medicine; he just works in more the office part now making it convenient to approve prescriptions for my boyfriend because of guess whose' 3 lawyers …? Yup you guessed it right my boyfriend. So needless to say he has expressed he doesn't like me or is it that right now my boyfriend is sending them a check each month to help him and his wife and kids pay off their debt to keep their house…so he doesn't want to bite the hand that has been feeding his grown 49-year-old ass for how many years ?) He was very mean and rude to me on the phone and it was unwarranted; he doesn't even know me and had a mind to lay a verbal assault on me on the phone because of "what I put his friend through" loll. Like he would know when him and his wife take my boyfriend's money and half of the time ignore him unless they want something (a favor, money). So I have to deal with him and his friends who back and just go along with whatever he says. I can already see how this would play out in court. I would be double teamed.
So DO I stay or go how do I do this. I can't even get into a shelter in the area I have been calling; they are full and even if they weren't am not going to be living on the edge of my nerves by staying in a state where he has so much history and knows so many people who would fight his cause without question information. He has loyalty most of it bought (even out of his own mouth he said with his friends it always money but there his friends). So most these people he has done favors for. My boyfriend even has money in unmarked accounts that the government doesn't know about. Maybe he has told me too much. I hope he thinks of this before trying to harass me if I go. He has done many things that lead me to think what I think and I know he can back it up. He is always making these "read between the lines" sarcastic" weird comments to me. So I can't tell if he is just trying to intimidate me or if he is really going to mess with me if I stand up to him again and leave him. Please help me if you can anyone someone.
I don't like that he markets me to his friends as a burden and someone undeserving of his attention—a nuance at best and someone unsympathetic to his wants and needs. Only to turn around and smile in my face and tell me how lovely he thinks I am and what such a warm beautiful person I am deserving of love; and other bs of talk about how good-hearted I am and that I don't stress him out and that I enrich his life and he is happy I am around and has missed me when I was gone.
It can't be both but yet both of his personalities have spoken—very contradicting revelations about the same person! I have seen and obtain some of the proof of his two-faced dishonest slanderous behavior. Yet being armed with all the proof in the world and even being in a moment when he has done something rude or said something verbally abusive—he will lash out in a rage uncontrollable at you for daring to question anything he does no matter how horrible, hurtful, and mean the nature thereof.
I mean if you're with him he does no wrong while doing wrong all day. For lack of better words. I am very scared of him and what he will do to me, especially if I leave again. He is not right in the head. There is something deeply interstice on a chemical level that is not functioning right. It's almost like he doesn't even have a conscious; he just fakes one when he needs to and fakes emotions/emotional response when he needs to. I have seen it and experienced it. There is such a coldness to his eyes and stares when he thinks my back is turned that caused me to be startled and fearful of what is going on in his head in general and the negative emotions attached to me.
I have left him a few times and confronted him on lies and cheating he has put me through. He has expressed that while he will not admit to being anything less than a saint he is deeply and gravely offended at the fact I "stood up" to him (but of course, in his mind, it wasn't me standing up to him but me being "mean" and 'abusive" to him. Which is at most laughable, being all I did in a respectful way (not like his communication skills of yelling and sarcasm and intimidating) was express my desire for honesty, mutually respect like I show him in the relationship, and express how hurt I felt at the stuff he did/does that is inconsiderate for my feelings, emotions, and needs.
But to him, a cry for help for him to really think about how his behavior is negatively affecting people in his life is the same to him as a full assault attack that sends him into a state of mind that is to be feared and loathed. For after this grown man-temper tantrum of full-out burst of anger will come more resentment and an intensity to the environment he tries to hide within genuine smiles and sweet flattering words and gestures that are FAKED so BADLY you can tell of the contrary emotions he is hiding underneath. Sometimes he SNARES his face at me when he thinks I am sleeping or if I turn my head to look at something then turn back around I have caught him doing this.
OR…….
When he says I love you in his cold emotionless voice then raises the side of his lips up like a yeah right kinda of look OR he will roll his eyes RIGHT IN FRONT of me. So it's like he is not even trying to be convincing. His heart is so cold towards me. But I am not the one disturbed one; I know I haven't done anything wrong to him to deserve the way he has treated me. He in general I have come to find out has a lot of unfounded anger that flares up and mood swings that you just don't know where it's coming from; you just know it's there in him.
I want to leave but am so intimidated by him I feel like I am kinda a prisoner. I want to leave and start my life over without him in it. I want to forget we ever meant and not have to live in fear of him. There is the spoken intimidation and this unspoken type that is kinda a passive-aggressive in so many words "you better read between the lines" type of interaction between us. Leaving me in shock and fear and mourning the life I had before we meant though imperfect at least I had my freedom and was safe and could sleep at night without waking up to this insomniac mad dogging me.
I mean can you imagine waking up to some over-drugged (on prescription meds he takes more than he is supposed to, esp thanks to a friend who works as a pharmacist industry), insomniac who is mentally imbalanced who has hate and rage for you staring at you with a menacing look on his face looking at you like you just did something to piss him off but you have been asleep…?
I am too young for this, I just want to go to sleep without fear and wake up knowing this psycho doesn't know where I am and never will. It feels like he thinks of me as a dog or his property that he gets to be abusive to while at the same time use me as a scapegoat to get attention and sympathy from other people who only know his version of what happens in our relationship. His friends dislike me and think I am a bad person who has been mean and abusive to HIM and always bring up the fact I left their poor emotionally sensitive friend breaking his heart (* * * !!) because of the manipulation and lies he uses even on his own friends… Just to illicit attention and I think punish me for standing up to him in private.
So not only does he not have to own up to anything and he gets to belittle me ect he also gets to slander me and ruin my reputation in the light of others. So it's like I am being tripled punished and all I wanted to do was confront his abusive inappropriate behavior in hopes we could save this relationship. But I wish I would have seen it a lot sooner that this was never a relationship; it was a love-hate thing within himself that got unleashed on me. To make him feel in control he has to dominate everything in his life including me. By dominate I mean take advantage of abuse, mistreat, manipulate, and ect and push up until you are physically sick from all the mental, emotional strain on your life and body and THEN he wants you to TAKE IT no mouth no talking back no defending yourself no tears, no calling your master the punisher mean or say he has done anything wrong because to him YOU desire to be treated that way and you're gonna take with a closed mouth and in so doing bow down to him leaving him feeling like he has made you his * * * * * . And any time he has a bad day it's back to domination, humiliation, anything that twist his fancy and you better not speak up confront him about it. He could go on and tell other women what he wanted to do to them sexually and set up flings but I couldn't question him on it because 1) WITH THE EMAILS ON SCREEN He didn't do anything 2) Now I am once again being mean to him 3) He can do whatever he wants even cheat on you even though he has said he loved you and wanted a monogamous relationship with you.
This reminds me of my relationship/interactions with my birth family. It was a very dominating, abusive, horrific environment world for such a young innocent little being to be born into and have to experience and try to make sense of. I just want all this to be over.
It was become increasingly clear the deep resentment and unbridled displeasure he feel towards me for simply defending myself against a cold, inconsiderate, often abusive, manipulative, dominating, control freak behaviors I experienced whenever we were in a relationship together as we are now.
He is such a lying, deceiving, manipulative, mean, cold, unhappy, scary bastard. I don't want to feel like I have to run and hide away from him because he intimidates me and is hell bent on making me suffer for resisting his abusive, manipulative behavior towards me since we've been together. He is a man of wealth (he has more than one lawyer) and never has to work another day in his life because of the "old money" his parents left him as an inheritance. Which he lies about and says he made it in the entertainment industry.
He is so fortunate to be able to wake up every day and not have to worry about a job or money. His parents have taken care of this by spoiling him and making sure he stays this way after their deaths. All they did was give more power to an undeniable twisted mentally imbalanced man. Now a man with great wealth he can use to intimidate and lord over other people who make him mad as a weapon he can threaten them with. His anger and intimidation, his status and money, and insufferable anger that he has with anyone who tries to stand up to him or defend themselves against his inappropriate behaviors have leverage now..
So where do I run, where do I hide when I can, will I be able to feel safe, free in my skin in my life. I feel like by crediting I have buried myself so deep I can't turn back around now. I recently went through a very traumatic oral durning outlast break up and he was so supportive after it happened I thought he had softened and maybe sown his wild oats but it was all just a miserable act and I am such a ridiculous dummy to have fallen for the bait. To my defense I had gone through a very traumatic event and was a mess emotionally.
That is neither her nor there but what do I do now. He has lived in this state his whole life. Staying in this state is not an option by any means ways thought in mind. He has many friends in high places who are older than me. In short, he has strong holds in this state. He can be a very very- very charming, charismatic man, human being but it's only an act. He has like split personalities. You never know which he is morphing into or what you did or what the hell is going on. You just have to live through it and hope to get far away. BUT I SWEAR this time is different. There is something not right, something wrong. He is acting really weird and grinning all the time. I overheard a few phone conversations with his morally deprived friend (who already got in trouble once for selling drugs to an undercover cop. Causing him to lose his job as a pharmacist at the place he worked at but got off easy (meaning he still practices medicine; he just works in more the office part now making it convenient to approve prescriptions for my boyfriend because of guess whose' 3 lawyers …? Yup you guessed it right my boyfriend. So needless to say he has expressed he doesn't like me or is it that right now my boyfriend is sending them a check each month to help him and his wife and kids pay off their debt to keep their house…so he doesn't want to bite the hand that has been feeding his grown 49-year-old ass for how many years ?) He was very mean and rude to me on the phone and it was unwarranted; he doesn't even know me and had a mind to lay a verbal assault on me on the phone because of "what I put his friend through" loll. Like he would know when him and his wife take my boyfriend's money and half of the time ignore him unless they want something (a favor, money). So I have to deal with him and his friends who back and just go along with whatever he says. I can already see how this would play out in court. I would be double teamed.
So DO I stay or go how do I do this. I can't even get into a shelter in the area I have been calling; they are full and even if they weren't am not going to be living on the edge of my nerves by staying in a state where he has so much history and knows so many people who would fight his cause without question information. He has loyalty most of it bought (even out of his own mouth he said with his friends it always money but there his friends). So most these people he has done favors for. My boyfriend even has money in unmarked accounts that the government doesn't know about. Maybe he has told me too much. I hope he thinks of this before trying to harass me if I go. He has done many things that lead me to think what I think and I know he can back it up. He is always making these "read between the lines" sarcastic" weird comments to me. So I can't tell if he is just trying to intimidate me or if he is really going to mess with me if I stand up to him again and leave him. Please help me if you can anyone someone.
