T
TexianTraveler
Guest
My 15-year-old son ### recently moved in with his dad. I knew it would be bad, since his dad is manipulative and an emotional abuser, and has taught our son to be the same. All the time ### lived with me I told him his dad had value, that it was okay to love him and want to be with him. I didn't expect the same level of support but I at least expected fairness.
When ### moved to ### I did too. As a teenager he is building his own life and that way he wouldn't have to always give up weekend plans. But he refuses to visit me during the week. He lied to his dad so I wouldn't be the one to take him to see "The Hobbit", which came out on a weekend I was scheduled to have him. He allowed his dad to give me four days out of the seventeen of this Christmas vacation.
His dad justified the action by saying that was all he got over the last five years. That was an out an out lie; I always divided the holidays equally. The conversation had all the typical emotional abuse characteristics; he attacked my sanity, said I was delusional, that I lived in a made-up reality, that I was getting as crazy as my father (who was mentally ill) that I was controlling, that I couldn't allow anyone else happiness, etc.
My problem is this. If I point out how I am being treated, how their dad always comes first and I get fitted in, I get accused of "guilt tripping" them. I have reread on Parent Alienation Syndrome and that is DEFINITELY what we've got here. I can't fight it as I have been doing.
The children's guilt will cause them to reject the messenger because they can't accept the message. So my course of action is to accept whatever visitation is offered me. This is where I need prayer.
I need strength to accept this. I need prayer to keep my mouth shut. I need prayer to keep resentment out of my heart. I need prayer to know when I can speak and when I can't, when I should yield and when I should stand firm.
I've been told that just accepting ### not visiting sends the message that I don't care whether he visits or not. But if I fight then I'm controlling and don't care about what he wants.
My ex is slowly dripping poison into his ear. I know because that is what he did to me about my mother when we were together.
So please pray for me. Pray for wisdom and patience. I really do need the serenity prayer. Accept what I cannot fight, fight what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
And pray for ###. That he will not adopt the abusive attitudes and manipulative behaviors of his father. That he will see his behavior clearly, and change of his own accord.
When ### moved to ### I did too. As a teenager he is building his own life and that way he wouldn't have to always give up weekend plans. But he refuses to visit me during the week. He lied to his dad so I wouldn't be the one to take him to see "The Hobbit", which came out on a weekend I was scheduled to have him. He allowed his dad to give me four days out of the seventeen of this Christmas vacation.
His dad justified the action by saying that was all he got over the last five years. That was an out an out lie; I always divided the holidays equally. The conversation had all the typical emotional abuse characteristics; he attacked my sanity, said I was delusional, that I lived in a made-up reality, that I was getting as crazy as my father (who was mentally ill) that I was controlling, that I couldn't allow anyone else happiness, etc.
My problem is this. If I point out how I am being treated, how their dad always comes first and I get fitted in, I get accused of "guilt tripping" them. I have reread on Parent Alienation Syndrome and that is DEFINITELY what we've got here. I can't fight it as I have been doing.
The children's guilt will cause them to reject the messenger because they can't accept the message. So my course of action is to accept whatever visitation is offered me. This is where I need prayer.
I need strength to accept this. I need prayer to keep my mouth shut. I need prayer to keep resentment out of my heart. I need prayer to know when I can speak and when I can't, when I should yield and when I should stand firm.
I've been told that just accepting ### not visiting sends the message that I don't care whether he visits or not. But if I fight then I'm controlling and don't care about what he wants.
My ex is slowly dripping poison into his ear. I know because that is what he did to me about my mother when we were together.
So please pray for me. Pray for wisdom and patience. I really do need the serenity prayer. Accept what I cannot fight, fight what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
And pray for ###. That he will not adopt the abusive attitudes and manipulative behaviors of his father. That he will see his behavior clearly, and change of his own accord.
