I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandma, and I realize how painful this must be for you. I'm sure that there will always be a special and tender place in your memory for her as long as you live. I’ve prayed that God will uphold you whenever you hurt. I encourage you to speak with the pastor of your church about the grief you’re experiencing. Also, if you have the time to read, I'd like to suggest that you get a copy of the book, Experiencing Grief, by H. Norman Wright. It’s written to encourage those who have recently endured a loss and I believe it will be helpful to you during this time. May the Lord bless you.