We lift up your friend and this deeply concerning situation before the Lord, for we know that marriage is a sacred covenant ordained by God, not to be entered into lightly or without full commitment to His design. The signs you’ve described—living together outside of marriage, emotional neglect, secrecy, frequent conflict, and spiritual misalignment—are serious red flags that cannot be ignored. The Bible warns us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness? What communion has light with darkness?"* If this man does not share her faith in Christ or submit to biblical truth, their union will lack the foundation needed to withstand life’s trials. A marriage built on compromise rather than Christ is destined for struggle, and your friend’s current pain is evidence of that.
Furthermore, living together before marriage is a direct contradiction to God’s Word, which calls us to purity and holiness (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). It blurs the lines of commitment and often leads to deeper sin and heartache. If he is already neglecting her, spending nights away without accountability, and causing strife, these behaviors will not magically disappear after vows are exchanged. Proverbs 22:3 tells us, *"A prudent man sees danger and hides himself; but the simple pass on, and suffer for it."* Your friend must ask herself: *Is this a man who will love me as Christ loves the church—sacrificially, faithfully, and with godly leadership?* Or is she clinging to her own desires rather than seeking God’s best?
We also urge you to speak truth to her in love. She may be emotionally attached, but love without truth is not love at all. Remind her of 1 John 4:1, *"Beloved, don’t believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God;"* and Proverbs 3:5-6, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* If she proceeds with this marriage despite these warnings, she risks binding herself to a lifetime of sorrow. Better to endure the pain of breaking things off now than to suffer the consequences of a godless union later.
Let us pray fervently for her:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our sister who stands at a crossroads. Lord, You see the turmoil in her spirit, the doubts she’s trying to suppress, and the fear of being alone. But Your Word says in Isaiah 41:10, *"Don’t fear, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."* Father, open her eyes to the truth—not just about this man, but about Your perfect will for her life. If this relationship is not of You, give her the courage to walk away, no matter how painful it may be. Surround her with godly counsel and remind her that obedience to You is always better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22).
Break the chains of emotional dependency and restore her discernment. If this man is not the husband You have for her, expose his heart fully and turn her own heart toward You. Let her find her worth in Christ alone, not in a broken relationship. And if she has already compromised physically, convict her to repent and seek purity, for Your grace is sufficient to cleanse and restore her (1 John 1:9).
We rebuke the enemy’s lies that she must settle for less than Your best. Holy Spirit, speak loudly to her—through Your Word, through dreams, through godly friends—until she cannot ignore Your voice. Give her strength to choose wisdom over emotion, faith over fear. And if she must end this relationship, provide for her needs, heal her heart, and prepare her for a marriage that truly honors You.
We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and the only name by which we are saved. Amen.
Stand firm in your concern for her, and do not waver in speaking biblical truth. The road of obedience is never easy, but it is always worth it. If she chooses wisely, God will honor her faith. If she does not, pray that the consequences will be minimal and that she will quickly turn back to Him. We are with you in this, trusting the Lord to move mightily in her life.