My ### and I

[Anonymous]

Please Jesus,
I pray to you that my relationship with my daughter is heal and all damage forgiven. I have suffered from depression and anger management and I have yelled at her in very bad ways and lost patience. You know I deeply love her
but have small patience with her. Now she is ### and I can feel the distance, please bring her close to me and have her trust in me and for her to feel "safe" with me.

I love her Jesus and I think I am repeating the cycle on how my mom was with me, my mom was very cold and I think I am frustrated or something but I don't want to repeat the cycle. I love my daughter deeply.

I am looking for therapist so I can come closer to my daughter as I don't want her to not love me. I do not love my mother as how my sister and brother does and I do not know why but I just don't or maybe I know why, who knows but
I am looking for therapy but the thing is that my daughter and I need to be best friends.

In Jesus name, Amen

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep love and the deep sorrow in your heart and we join with you in bringing this before the Lord in Jesus' name. We thank you for your honesty about your depression, your anger, and the ways you have yelled at your daughter and lost patience with her. We rejoice that you love her deeply and that you do not want to repeat the coldness you experienced from your own mother, and we praise God that you are seeking help so that this cycle can be broken.

We want to gently but clearly address what you have confessed. Yelling at your daughter in very bad ways is sin against God and harm to her heart, and Scripture calls us to turn from it. Ephesians 6:4 says, Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Colossians 3:21 says, Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged. Your daughter's distance and her not feeling safe with you is the natural fruit of being provoked and discouraged, and trust will need to be rebuilt over time with consistent gentleness. We also hear you say you want you and your daughter to be best friends. We understand that longing for closeness, but we want to correct that expectation with love. God did not call you to be her best friend or her peer, He called you to be her parent, to nurture, protect, teach and lovingly guide her. A friendship may grow as she matures, but your first calling is to be a safe, steady, godly parent who reflects the Father's compassion. Psalm 103:13 says, Like a father has compassion on his children, so Yahweh has compassion on those who fear him.

The good news is that God gives us power to change. Your anger does not have to control you. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, Be angry, and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil. And James 1:19-20 says, Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man doesn't produce the righteousness of God. The fruit of the Spirit is what we need in place of impatience and harsh words, Galatians 5:22-23 says, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. We encourage you to continue pursuing a therapist, and we also urge you to seek biblical counseling and pastoral support, to be in the Word daily, to pray for self control, and to learn to give a gentle answer, for Proverbs 15:1 says, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

We also hear your pain regarding your own mother. You say you do not love her as your siblings do and you are not sure why. God calls us to honor our father and mother, Exodus 20:12 says, Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you. Honor does not mean pretending the coldness did not hurt, it means choosing to forgive as Christ forgave us and releasing bitterness. Matthew 6:14 says, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. As you forgive your mother and release that hurt to Jesus, you will find more freedom to not repeat that cycle with your daughter. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. In Christ, the cycle can be broken.

Practically, we encourage you to humbly ask your daughter for forgiveness specifically for the yelling and impatience, without making excuses, and to show her with consistent actions over time that she is safe with you. Let her see you quick to listen, slow to speak, and quick to apologize when you fail. Speak life over her, pray with her if she will allow it, and let her see you seeking the Lord for your own healing from depression. Psalm 34:18 says, Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.

We pray together with you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, our only mediator and Savior, and we lift up this parent and this precious daughter to You. Lord, we confess the sin of anger and harsh words and we ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Wash this parent in the blood of Jesus and fill them with Your Spirit so that patience, gentleness and self control may grow. Heal the wounds that were caused by yelling and impatience, and restore what has been broken between parent and child. Lord, bring healing to the daughter's heart where she has felt unsafe or discouraged, and draw her close again in Your timing. Help her to feel safe, to trust again, and to know she is deeply loved. Father, heal also the wound from this parent's own mother, teach them to forgive and to honor as You command, and break the generational cycle of coldness and anger by Your power. Give wisdom to the therapist and counselors, give this parent daily strength to walk in newness of life, and let this home be marked by grace, repentance and tender compassion. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how deeply you love your daughter and how heavy it feels to sense distance growing between you. It takes humility to name the yelling and the loss of patience, and even more to notice the pattern from your own childhood and want something different for her. We admire that honesty.

We are glad you are looking for a therapist. That is a caring and responsible step for both of you, and we encourage you to keep pursuing it. If you have a primary care doctor or a trusted pastor, they can often help with a referral to a counselor who is a good fit. Please continue to reach out for that support alongside prayer.

Wanting to be best friends with your daughter is understandable, and what most helps a child feel safe is a steady, patient parent who listens and follows through. That safety is rebuilt slowly through small, consistent moments more than one big conversation. A counselor can help you sort through the hurt and frustration underneath the anger and learn new ways to respond when you feel overwhelmed, which in time can strengthen your relationship and give your daughter a healthier picture of how to handle strong emotions.

We also hear the ache around your own mother. It makes sense that would still be tender as you try to break the cycle.

Jesus, we bring this parent and daughter to You. Thank You for the love that is already there. Give wisdom and guidance in finding the right support, healing for past wounds, and patience for each day. Help this home become a place where this daughter feels seen, heard, and safe, and draw them closer to You and to each other in Your timing. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

[EnricoLange]

Lord Jesus please richly bless, protect, deliver, heal, save (those not saved) and guide them. Please help them in accordance with your perfect will Father. I ask this for them, us and all in need. Thank you and praise you. In your holy name I pray. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your honest and humble prayer has been heard, and we thank you for bringing this burden before the Lord with such tenderness toward your daughter and such sorrow for what has been done.

There is forgiveness with God, and that truth is your first hope. Scripture says, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake. This forgiveness is not partial or uncertain. It is divine forgiveness, surprising forgiveness, complete and eternal forgiveness, given only through Jesus Christ who died, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God. Whatever your past has held, however sharp your words have been or how often patience has failed, if you come with a penitent heart and put your trust in Christ, the record of debt is nailed to the cross. He keeps no back reckonings and retains no reserves of anger toward those who are in Him. He not only forgives at the first, but continues daily to forgive. Receive that mercy for yourself today, and rest in the certainty that there is forgiveness with Him.

Out of that forgiveness flows a new heart and a new way. You have seen rightly that anger and impatience wound a child and that a cold pattern learned in your own home can be repeated unless grace breaks the cycle. God alone can give you what willpower cannot, a heart that turns from sin and seeks His pleasure, bearing the fruit of love, patience and gentleness. Your desire to seek help is wise and good. Continue to pursue godly counsel and, as you are doing, seek a trustworthy therapist who will help you with depression and anger, and seek also the counsel of a faithful pastor who can walk with you in the Word and in prayer. Bring your sorrow for your mother wound to the Lord as well, asking Him to help you forgive as Christ forgave you, not to excuse what was cold or hurtful, but to release bitterness and to live free in His mercy.

With your daughter, trust is rebuilt not by demanding closeness but by faithfully giving it. A child needs a safe and steady parent more than she needs a best friend. Friendship may grow in time as a fruit of trust, but your calling now is to be the faithful, gentle guardian God has placed over her. In an age appropriate way, humbly ask her forgiveness for the times you yelled and lost patience, without requiring her to comfort you in return. Let your confession be simple and sincere. Then let your daily life preach a better message, consistent kindness, calm words, keeping promises, listening well, and a home where she knows she is loved even when correction is needed. Do not be discouraged if closeness returns slowly. The Lord often brings down the heart with labor before He lifts it up, and He honors patient, loving faithfulness over time.

We will pray for you and for your daughter.

Father in heaven, we come through Jesus Christ alone, in whom there is forgiveness of sins. We thank You that You blot out transgression and remember it no more for Christ's sake. We ask You to pour that forgiveness over this parent who confesses impatience and harsh words, and to give assurance of pardon and a clean conscience before You. Grant healing from depression and grace to govern anger, and give wisdom to counselors and pastors who come alongside. We ask You to heal the relationship with this precious daughter. Make her home a place of safety and peace. Guard her heart from fear, and in Your time restore trust and draw her close in a healthy and loving way. Break the cycle of coldness and harshness by Your Spirit, and make this family a testimony to patience, forgiveness and love that overcomes evil with good. Teach this parent to walk daily in Your forgiveness and to forgive as Christ has forgiven. We ask this in the name of Jesus, our only hope and Redeemer. Amen.