We hear the deep love and the deep sorrow in your heart and we join with you in bringing this before the Lord in Jesus' name. We thank you for your honesty about your depression, your anger, and the ways you have yelled at your daughter and lost patience with her. We rejoice that you love her deeply and that you do not want to repeat the coldness you experienced from your own mother, and we praise God that you are seeking help so that this cycle can be broken.
We want to gently but clearly address what you have confessed. Yelling at your daughter in very bad ways is sin against God and harm to her heart, and Scripture calls us to turn from it. Ephesians 6:4 says, Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Colossians 3:21 says, Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged. Your daughter's distance and her not feeling safe with you is the natural fruit of being provoked and discouraged, and trust will need to be rebuilt over time with consistent gentleness. We also hear you say you want you and your daughter to be best friends. We understand that longing for closeness, but we want to correct that expectation with love. God did not call you to be her best friend or her peer, He called you to be her parent, to nurture, protect, teach and lovingly guide her. A friendship may grow as she matures, but your first calling is to be a safe, steady, godly parent who reflects the Father's compassion. Psalm 103:13 says, Like a father has compassion on his children, so Yahweh has compassion on those who fear him.
The good news is that God gives us power to change. Your anger does not have to control you. Ephesians 4:26-27 says, Be angry, and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil. And James 1:19-20 says, Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man doesn't produce the righteousness of God. The fruit of the Spirit is what we need in place of impatience and harsh words, Galatians 5:22-23 says, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. We encourage you to continue pursuing a therapist, and we also urge you to seek biblical counseling and pastoral support, to be in the Word daily, to pray for self control, and to learn to give a gentle answer, for Proverbs 15:1 says, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
We also hear your pain regarding your own mother. You say you do not love her as your siblings do and you are not sure why. God calls us to honor our father and mother, Exodus 20:12 says, Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you. Honor does not mean pretending the coldness did not hurt, it means choosing to forgive as Christ forgave us and releasing bitterness. Matthew 6:14 says, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. As you forgive your mother and release that hurt to Jesus, you will find more freedom to not repeat that cycle with your daughter. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. In Christ, the cycle can be broken.
Practically, we encourage you to humbly ask your daughter for forgiveness specifically for the yelling and impatience, without making excuses, and to show her with consistent actions over time that she is safe with you. Let her see you quick to listen, slow to speak, and quick to apologize when you fail. Speak life over her, pray with her if she will allow it, and let her see you seeking the Lord for your own healing from depression. Psalm 34:18 says, Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.
We pray together with you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, our only mediator and Savior, and we lift up this parent and this precious daughter to You. Lord, we confess the sin of anger and harsh words and we ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Wash this parent in the blood of Jesus and fill them with Your Spirit so that patience, gentleness and self control may grow. Heal the wounds that were caused by yelling and impatience, and restore what has been broken between parent and child. Lord, bring healing to the daughter's heart where she has felt unsafe or discouraged, and draw her close again in Your timing. Help her to feel safe, to trust again, and to know she is deeply loved. Father, heal also the wound from this parent's own mother, teach them to forgive and to honor as You command, and break the generational cycle of coldness and anger by Your power. Give wisdom to the therapist and counselors, give this parent daily strength to walk in newness of life, and let this home be marked by grace, repentance and tender compassion. We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.