Anonymous
Beloved of All
I'm lonely and I don't like interacting with people anymore, because people are just rude, and hateful. If you don't fit into there mold they reject you before they even know you. People lie, and stab each other in the back with a smile on there face. I would like to meet one girl, just one that actually cares that I exist, that I might be in the edge and just wanting to talk to someone. Don't just look at me, say something. I don't understand why that is so hard. Why can't people be social without internet. I want so bad to meet friends and socialize, and feel like I have people that care about me. People are so mean. I pray for friends but all I get is fair weather, two faced, jerks who just want to be friends with my wallet, or not be friends at all. I want to go have fun tonight but it quickly got spoiled by all the jerks out on the road tonight. I almost got into a car wreak, and it shook me up so bad, I just started panicking, and I got home, and I don't want to go back out, because people are acting stupid and trying to cause acidents, cutting people off. I just wanted to go to a few places, maybe run into a new friend. But that won't happen. I just can't talk to women. I'm too shy, and no matter how hard I try to change it, it all remains the same. God won't answer my prayer for a friend, and I have a really hard time making friends because I have been hurt so badly by people I considered close to me that can't trust anyone. Until someone shows me that they can care about me and mean it, I will never trust another human being again. I've been sexually molested by people who said they were a friend when I was child, I was stabbed in the back by someone I considered a very close friend, and my own father didn't care enough about me to tech me how to be a man, and never shows up to anything. He's a deadbeat. Another man had to step in and do my father job, and he's 10 times more a father to me than my own dad ever was. Yet the scares still remain, and try as I might through medication and therapy, they have not gone away, and some have made it to where I can't have healthy relationships. I have no confidence anymore. God, despite many years of prayer refuses to send me a friend that relates to me, and to be honest I am tired of waiting. Not only that, but I can't do it myself so if God won't help, then I have no hope. I can't even trust God. I can't trust anyone but the man I see in the mirrior. And even he has let me down. I give up. I'm just going to be a loner forever. And valentines day is coming up, and I just hate my life. I need a break. Tell me something more than empty words. Say something to me. Tell me something will change right now. Because I don't think I can take it anymore. Say something that will save my life. Tell me she's out there. Please, I need to know 100 +10% without a shadow of a doubt that there is someone out there for me and that she will be my best friend till death. If not then just kill me, because I can't stand being single anymore. I can't stand not being able to interact with the opposite sex, and I can't stand everyone else bragging about engagement rings, and wedding dates anymore. I'm tired of it.
