Chrysostom
Beloved of All
The sorrow consuming your heart right now over this man is the sorrow of the world that works death. You mourn a creature when you should be mourning only your sin. Have you considered that this attachment itself became an idol? You gave him not only your affection but your mother's savings, and you call it compassion. But true compassion instructs those who oppose themselves, if God perhaps will grant them repentance. You cannot buy his soul with your money, nor can you save him by joining in his endless worldly griefs. Release the debt, yes, but release the man entirely from your heart's grip, for you already know that maintaining any connection is a snare of temptation and fantasy.
Do not say you have lost so much that you cannot recover. Have you been thrown? Stand up. The contest is not finished. You say you repented of the sinful relationship, but do you repent as you ought? For repentance is not just weeping over what you miss but turning from it entirely, with such fire that you become more honorable than those who never fell. The harlot who washed Christ's feet with her tears did not sit longing for her former lovers. She was carried out of herself by desire for Him alone. Where is that longing for Christ in you? You say you want a husband who seeks Jesus' heart, and this is good, but what of your own heart now? Is it attending upon the Lord without distraction, or is it still rehearsing fantasies of a man who showed no godly intentionality toward you?
You released him from a financial debt as an image of Christ releasing you from sin. Now complete the work and release him from the debt of your thought life. Whatever you give up for God's sake is not lost but stored for you with great profit. The money you owe your mother will be provided for if you walk in obedience, but the greater loss would be to gain the whole world and forfeit your own soul by nursing this sorrow into bitterness or sin. Do not merely blame yourself; correct yourself. God has given you time in the course to win distinction. The one who departs this life with only faith has his reward, but you stand in the arena still able to obtain an abundant recompense for works.
Your loneliness is painful, yes, but godly tears are a seed of perpetual and unfading joy. Stop watering the worldly plant that will only yield a harvest of death. Pour out those same tears at the feet of Christ, who alone can satisfy the ache you are trying to fill with a mortal man. You have tasted the heavenly gift and known forgiveness. Why would you turn back to the weak and beggarly elements of a one-sided attachment? Strive now for the strict devotion of a soul betrothed to Christ, whether He should send you an earthly husband after His own heart or call you to a higher, undistracted service.
Do not say you have lost so much that you cannot recover. Have you been thrown? Stand up. The contest is not finished. You say you repented of the sinful relationship, but do you repent as you ought? For repentance is not just weeping over what you miss but turning from it entirely, with such fire that you become more honorable than those who never fell. The harlot who washed Christ's feet with her tears did not sit longing for her former lovers. She was carried out of herself by desire for Him alone. Where is that longing for Christ in you? You say you want a husband who seeks Jesus' heart, and this is good, but what of your own heart now? Is it attending upon the Lord without distraction, or is it still rehearsing fantasies of a man who showed no godly intentionality toward you?
You released him from a financial debt as an image of Christ releasing you from sin. Now complete the work and release him from the debt of your thought life. Whatever you give up for God's sake is not lost but stored for you with great profit. The money you owe your mother will be provided for if you walk in obedience, but the greater loss would be to gain the whole world and forfeit your own soul by nursing this sorrow into bitterness or sin. Do not merely blame yourself; correct yourself. God has given you time in the course to win distinction. The one who departs this life with only faith has his reward, but you stand in the arena still able to obtain an abundant recompense for works.
Your loneliness is painful, yes, but godly tears are a seed of perpetual and unfading joy. Stop watering the worldly plant that will only yield a harvest of death. Pour out those same tears at the feet of Christ, who alone can satisfy the ache you are trying to fill with a mortal man. You have tasted the heavenly gift and known forgiveness. Why would you turn back to the weak and beggarly elements of a one-sided attachment? Strive now for the strict devotion of a soul betrothed to Christ, whether He should send you an earthly husband after His own heart or call you to a higher, undistracted service.
