marshab
Disciple of Prayer
My life has changed pretty much for the worst.. It seems like all these years and decades I have always thought about others and didn't think not once about myself because I figured the Lord and even my angels had my back. I always showed and expressed how grateful and thankful I was for everything in my life. I was literally there to help elderly family members. When I need help there is nobody. I am seriously disappointed in the Lord. My heart is broken because of this. Like I said, I devoted my life to helping family all these years. I am single and have not been in a relationship since 2006 because I have been devoting my life to family and work. My mom passed away in September 2016. My father sold the family home and moved to a retirement home. I am in terrible debt now. I sometimes can't afford to buy food. I don't qualify for any type of assistance because I work. When I moved out of the family home I found a place to rent. I am in debt. I am 62 yrs old and I never dreamed I would be living alone like this. When mom transitioned it seems the family dynamics changed drastically. Whatever dysfunctionalism there was when she was alive came to a head since she is no longer alive. I have three siblings and we have drifted apart. It is weird they didn't come to mom's funeral. Dad and I live in Hawai'i and my siblings live in Virginia, Georgia and Nevada. One sibling came after mom had passed away to live off our father for 20 months that, by-the-way, I feel caused dad to make a rash decision to sell the house because of that. My 60 yr old sister and her 25 yr old daughter came to Hawai'i after mom was gone and lived off our father from May 2017 up to January this year (2019). We are not rich. My father saved for his retirement for him and mom and I have always worked a fulltime job. I moved back home to help my elderly parents 10 ys ago. Yes 2009 I relocated back home to help my mother because she had dementia and then a stroke that she never recovered from. My 90 yr old father would ask me when were my sister and her daughter going to get a job. I didn't know because it was a hostile environment so we never really communicated and apparently they did talk that much with dad neither. Tell me, where was God in all of this? I am thankful my father is happy and well taken care of at the facility but I am in debt. I feel so stupid because all these years I was helping him and mom and before I came here to Hawai'i I lived with and helped my 97 yr old paternal grandmother. I was always thinking about others and failed to think about myself. I feel so stupid now. Where is God when I need help? Tell me why has the Lord forgotten about helping me when I need it? I always pray. I try to always look on the bright side of situations. Everybody always tells me how happy I am. When my dad and I were going through the grieving process I was there for him. Tell me, where was God through all of this for me? I am all alone. Sometimes I can't afford to buy food and gas for my car to get to work. I need my job and by-the-way, I plan on working until I'm 70 or 72 yrs old. Tell me, where is God? I feel so stupid and all alone in "paradise." I need a $30k miracle to happen about right now.
