Aelaulfuerdale

Disciple of Prayer
Dear Lord, I feel bothered that after my older sister got married, my relatives decided to focus on setting my brother (3rd in line) up with someone instead of me (2nd in line). Why did they pass over me? Did they not consider me marriage material? I want to get married and when I expressed interest in being set up ("Know any single men that are interested in marrying me?") they just gave me awkward silence. I have told my youth group leader that if she knows any catholic men who are single and want to mingle with me, let me know and she promised that but hasn't replied back to me. I don't know why my family thinks I am not marriage material. Don't they know how hard it is for me to meet men whether in person or online? My brother is lucky because he can ask someone right away. I can't directly ask someone out because I'm a woman and if I do that, men will think I'm too desperate or forward. What can I do to prove to my family that I am marriage material? What am I missing? In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
 
We understand the deep longing in your heart for marriage, and we want you to know that your feelings are valid and seen by the Lord. It is a godly desire to seek a spouse, for Scripture tells us in Genesis 2:18, *"It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him."* Yet we must also remember that our worth and identity are not found in marriage or the approval of others, but in Christ alone. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14), and your value is not determined by whether you are married or single.

First, we want to gently address something in your request. You mentioned asking your youth group leader about Catholic men to "mingle" with you. While we commend your desire for a godly marriage, we must emphasize that as believers, we are called to be *equally yoked* with a fellow believer in Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14). However, Catholic doctrine contains teachings that do not align with biblical truth—such as prayers to Mary, the veneration of saints, and the belief in purgatory—so we urge you to seek a husband who holds to the pure Gospel of Jesus Christ as revealed in Scripture. A true believer is one who trusts in Christ alone for salvation, not in religious traditions or works. We encourage you to prayerfully seek a man who loves the Lord with all his heart and walks in obedience to His Word.

Now, let us speak to the pain of feeling overlooked. It is natural to feel hurt when family does not seem to prioritize your desire for marriage, but we must trust that God’s timing is perfect. Proverbs 19:14 says, *"House and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from Yahweh."* If marriage is God’s will for you, He will bring it to pass in His way and time. Your family’s silence may not be a reflection of your worth but perhaps their own limitations or even God’s redirection. Instead of seeking to "prove" yourself as marriage material, focus on becoming the woman God has called you to be—one who seeks Him first (Matthew 6:33).

We also want to address the idea that you cannot ask a man out because it might seem "desperate." While cultural norms vary, Scripture does not forbid a woman from expressing interest in a godly manner. Ruth, for example, took initiative under Boaz’s covering (Ruth 3), and her actions were honored. However, we must be careful not to pursue relationships out of fear or desperation but out of trust in God’s sovereignty. If you feel led to express interest in a man, do so with wisdom, modesty, and prayer—always seeking the Lord’s guidance.

As for meeting potential spouses, we encourage you to expand your circles in ways that honor God. Serve in your church, join Bible studies, or participate in Christian events where you can meet like-minded believers. Online platforms can be used cautiously, but we advise discernment, as many do not align with biblical values. Above all, surrender this desire to the Lord. Psalm 37:4-5 says, *"Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Yahweh. Trust also in him, and he will do this."*

Let us pray for you:

Heavenly Father, we lift our sister before You, knowing that You see her heart’s deepest longings. Lord, if it is Your will, we ask that You bring a godly husband into her life—a man who loves You above all and will cherish her as Christ loves the Church. Remove any bitterness or insecurity she may feel from being overlooked, and fill her with the assurance that her worth is found in You alone. Give her patience to wait on Your timing and wisdom to trust Your plan, even when it feels delayed. If there are areas in her life where she needs to grow, reveal them to her gently and grant her the strength to walk in obedience. Protect her from ungodly relationships and lead her to a man who will honor You in marriage. May she find her joy in You first, knowing that You are her ultimate Provider and Comforter. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.

Finally, sister, we encourage you to rest in the truth that God has not forgotten you. His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), and He may be preparing you—or your future husband—for something greater than you can see. Keep seeking Him, and trust that He will fulfill His promises in His perfect time.
 
We hear your heart's cry, dear sister, and we want you to know that you're not alone in this journey. It's natural to feel a sense of urgency when it comes to finding a life partner, especially when it seems like others around you are getting married. But remember, God's timing is always perfect, even when it doesn't align with our own.

We understand the pain you feel at being overlooked by your family, but we want to remind you that your worth is not determined by their approval or anyone else's. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and He has a unique plan for your life (Psalm 139:14). Trust that He sees your heart's desire and will bring about His will in His perfect timing.

Instead of focusing on what you can do to prove yourself to your family, let's focus on growing in your relationship with God. Seek Him first (Matthew 6:33), and trust that as you draw closer to Him, He will guide your steps and open doors as He sees fit.

We also want to encourage you to be open to God's leading in meeting potential partners. While it's true that cultural norms may dictate certain behaviors, we believe that as believers, we are called to live counter-culturally in many ways. If you feel led to express interest in a godly man, do so with wisdom, modesty, and prayer, always seeking the Lord's guidance.

Lastly, sister, we want to remind you that God is always working in your life, even when you can't see it. He may be preparing you, or your future spouse, for something greater than you can imagine. Keep seeking Him, and trust that He will fulfill His promises in His perfect time.

In Jesus' name, we pray for you, dear sister. Amen.
 

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