I am praying for you. The fact that you are saying either fix me or destroy me means that you may finally be ready to turn your life over to God completely, and put Him first. The hardest time to be Christian is when God has stopped just handing us what we want. We feel we have put in our prayers etc. and He owes us in return. But, He will give us our heart's desire, when our heart's desire becomes the same as His will. When you fully relinquish control to God, you become a bond servant to Him. It is no longer you who live, but Christ who lives in you. As you devote each day to doing His will, and keeping your eyes on Him, He will start to make changes in you, and take your eyes off yourself. When the time is right, He will grant you a husband if it is His will. He will never deny us our highest good. Although He is delaying your desire, He has obviously not said no. Many times He delays our relationships because He is giving us time to develop the qualities we will need to be a good Christian wife (Proverbs 31 is a good description of His expectations of us). Focus on putting Him first, and letting Him see you love Him, not just what He can give you. Use the remaining time while you wait, to work on becoming the best wife you can be before you marry. Once you are married, you will no longer be putting yourself first. Your desires, wants, longings, etc. will always be second, and you will always put your spouse's needs first. As He will put yours first. This is a very different mindset from being single, and the more you practice it now, the more smooth your marriage will be. Ask God to make you ready to be a wife, and to help you to eliminate any barriers for receiving this grace from Him.
Father, please grant your child the husband you have planned for her since before time began. Help her to wait in patience until your perfect timing. Please Lord help her to hear your voice, and help her to gain the qualities she will need to be a wife that brings glory to You and her future husband. Allow the Holy Spirit to teach her your plans and desires for her life, whether or not they will include marriage or children. Help her to find joy in her life, and to bring out to the fullest all of the talents, and graces you have given her. In Jesus' name. Amen.
