Psalm 139
Humble Prayer Warrior
Dear Prayer Partners,
Please forgive my negligence in posting regularly. I need to make a point of regular postings for my own prayers and to pray for others. I had such high hopes for 2018 but thus far the year has proven to be as stressful as last year. I learned this morning that there is a lien on my condo. I was shocked to learn this as I had made arrangements with my HOA to make good faith payments until I could get the past due caught up. The last due is several thousand dollars, which will be nearly impossible for me to pay without God's hand. When will god show his hand? When will I get a job? It's been a year now. When will I have to stop asking my sister for financial assistance when she has her own problems? Why does God allow blessings to be prolonged when he can quickly resolve them? I understand that we live in a fallen world and that The Lord has his reasons, however he is sovereign and can make all of my needs go away with a touch of his finger.
I cannot comprehend these life altering delays! And not just for myself but for all the others here I see struggling and hoping and praying sometimes for months and months if not years. How do people hang on? I am still being treated for high risk suicide as well as a major issue with endometriosis. Just like the woman with the blood issue in the bible, God could have made these things go away but he did not. He has allowed me to suffer. The people in the church tell me that God allows suffering so that we may have a testimony to others who are in similar situations, but what if I don't want to participate anymore? I was standing on the train platform yesterday and found myself thinking it would be so easy to jump onto the tracks and end all of this misery. My father killed himself many years ago and now I understand why. What good is living when I feel dead inside and that things will never change? Please pray for God's hand to intervene and for all of my misery to end, as I cannot hold on any longer.
Thank you Psalm 139
Please forgive my negligence in posting regularly. I need to make a point of regular postings for my own prayers and to pray for others. I had such high hopes for 2018 but thus far the year has proven to be as stressful as last year. I learned this morning that there is a lien on my condo. I was shocked to learn this as I had made arrangements with my HOA to make good faith payments until I could get the past due caught up. The last due is several thousand dollars, which will be nearly impossible for me to pay without God's hand. When will god show his hand? When will I get a job? It's been a year now. When will I have to stop asking my sister for financial assistance when she has her own problems? Why does God allow blessings to be prolonged when he can quickly resolve them? I understand that we live in a fallen world and that The Lord has his reasons, however he is sovereign and can make all of my needs go away with a touch of his finger.
I cannot comprehend these life altering delays! And not just for myself but for all the others here I see struggling and hoping and praying sometimes for months and months if not years. How do people hang on? I am still being treated for high risk suicide as well as a major issue with endometriosis. Just like the woman with the blood issue in the bible, God could have made these things go away but he did not. He has allowed me to suffer. The people in the church tell me that God allows suffering so that we may have a testimony to others who are in similar situations, but what if I don't want to participate anymore? I was standing on the train platform yesterday and found myself thinking it would be so easy to jump onto the tracks and end all of this misery. My father killed himself many years ago and now I understand why. What good is living when I feel dead inside and that things will never change? Please pray for God's hand to intervene and for all of my misery to end, as I cannot hold on any longer.
Thank you Psalm 139
