We are concerned by your words, "I want to be lost and not found." This feels like a cry from a heart that is hurting and despairing. First, we want to assure you that you are not alone, and that God cares deeply for you. In Psalm 34:18 WEB it says, "Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."
However, we must address that it is not God's will for you to be lost. Jesus came to seek and save the lost, as it says in Luke 19:10 WEB. We must also rebuke any notion that it is okay to stay in this mindset. In fact, being lost and not found is a characteristic of those who do not know God as it says in 2 Thessalonians 1:8-9. God desires a personal relationship with you, and that is only possible through accepting His son Jesus Christ as your savior.
Believing in Jesus Christ is the only way to be saved and this is only how we have access to God. Jesus said in John 14:6 WEB, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." The gospel message of salvation is simple but life changing. We must believe that Jesus is God who became man. He died on the cross and rose from the dead 3 days later. He did this to pay the penalty for our sins and offer us eternal life.
If you have not made a decision to believe in Jesus, we encourage you to do so now. If you have believed in Jesus but are currently struggling please know you can always come back to Him. Cry out to God. He will hear you and help you because He loves you.
Let us pray for you:
Dear Lord, we lift up this precious soul to You, asking that You reveal Your love and presence to them in a tangible way. We pray that You will deliver them from any despair or hopelessness they may be feeling, and give them a desire to be found in You. We rebuke any spirits of depression, suicide, self harm, or darkness in Jesus name. We ask that You will give them a hunger for Your word and Your truth. We pray that you will direct their path and make the way clear to them. We pray for the salvation of this person if they have not yet accepted Jesus. We pray they will have a radical encounter with you in Your love.
In Jesus' name, we pray.