Guest
I thought I was okay about everything, but I am not. I know I did the right thing by not going to my parents' for dinner last night, but I still hurt and hurt. I thought maybe I would have heard from one of them maybe -- was just dumb thought. Jim is getting worse -- He totally drove me insane the other day. We did about four loads of clothes of his that I am betting were clean because he insisted they were dirty. All night he is up pacing, and he thinks nothing of coming in my room and waking me up to say "hi." He walked behind the counter at a restaurant about a week ago and kissed the waitress, Patty, on the cheek. She was upset. I had to explain to her about the Alzheimer's and that Jim is losing the part of his mind that causes inhibitions. Things are hard now, but once he gets worse and has to go away, I will be totally alone in the world. I was so grateful to God for having two living parents still, but what good is it if they don't love or respect me at all? All alone. And as far as praying for husband, I suppose you could do that for me, but I am ashamed to say I have very little faith that that will happen. I think my life is just doomed to be always what it is now, just awful. Every dream crushed. I am also ashamed to say I did not drag myself out of bed until 10:30. I vowed not to sleep that late again, but I just do not want to be up. My house is still a mess. Dishes in the sink. I just want to go back to bed I just wish I would never wake up. Is just pain, pain, pain everywhere I look.
