A
aiesha
Guest
I once believed fully in Jesus. After one incident in my teens where I felt He "failed" to keep me pure, I began questioning Christianity and subsequently all manmade religion. I never fully lost my spirituality, but as chaos and pain in my life has multiplied greatly, I felt no one was watching over me. I had resigned to being spiritual and seeking but mostly philosophical and not believing there is a Heavenly Father who hears my heart, when there is so much suffering in the world, and to good people, how could there be a God?
Now, all I have in my life are my two beautiful innocent children. I have made mistakes as a parent though my only goal when becoming a parent was to be the best I could be. Instead I found myself regretting my actions/words almost daily, praying to "something" for guidance. Please, my children deserve at least one good parent -- the other is not really in the picture, I am the only one raising them -- and please, let me be that parent. Please pray that I can keep my children. Please pray that I will only bring them smiles, that I will be the best memory they have of any person. I love them more than my own life. I vow to never wound their hearts.
I have just cried with my whole body. I threw myself on the floor with my hands to the sky. Please God, if you are there, PLEASE COME BACK TO ME, please fill my heart, please teach me, please forgive me. I said the Lord's prayer. I'm not sure Jesus is the only way, but if I have no God to believe in, I am ruled by fear. I need faith that things will be okay. A person has threatened to have my children removed from me but she is misinformed. PLEASE PRAY THAT MY CHILDREN AND I CAN STAY TOGETHER HAPPILY AND SAFELY IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS. They are my angels. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. They are my heart. I can't live without them. I Can't. Please. Show me what I must do, I will do it to be worthy of raising my children into adulthood. I know no one loves them more than me. No one understands them like I do. Let me be with them. Please God, please.
Now, all I have in my life are my two beautiful innocent children. I have made mistakes as a parent though my only goal when becoming a parent was to be the best I could be. Instead I found myself regretting my actions/words almost daily, praying to "something" for guidance. Please, my children deserve at least one good parent -- the other is not really in the picture, I am the only one raising them -- and please, let me be that parent. Please pray that I can keep my children. Please pray that I will only bring them smiles, that I will be the best memory they have of any person. I love them more than my own life. I vow to never wound their hearts.
I have just cried with my whole body. I threw myself on the floor with my hands to the sky. Please God, if you are there, PLEASE COME BACK TO ME, please fill my heart, please teach me, please forgive me. I said the Lord's prayer. I'm not sure Jesus is the only way, but if I have no God to believe in, I am ruled by fear. I need faith that things will be okay. A person has threatened to have my children removed from me but she is misinformed. PLEASE PRAY THAT MY CHILDREN AND I CAN STAY TOGETHER HAPPILY AND SAFELY IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS. They are my angels. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. They are my heart. I can't live without them. I Can't. Please. Show me what I must do, I will do it to be worthy of raising my children into adulthood. I know no one loves them more than me. No one understands them like I do. Let me be with them. Please God, please.