LifeisGolden
Prayer Warrior
I need prayer and help. I am always sad, depressed, and anxious. A vicious cycle since last Summer when my fiancé called off our wedding and relationship 7 weeks before the day. A few months later my sister was diagnosed with advanced cancer. She is only 38 and me 36. My sister is going through treatment and I am helping with her care as it is just my mom and me. Since my dad has passed. My ex has consistently contacted me and we have attempted to date/be friends but we end up in a vicious cycle of fighting because I want more and he does not right now. He says I did not love him right before and he is afraid to hurt me. Lip service I feel at times because he acts like he wants to be together forever and takes me out and then becomes distant and cuts me off as soon as I get overly emotional about where we stand. I have been admittedly emotional lately. One day easy breezy the next crying and texting him very insecure and demanding to know where we stand, etc. I know he keeps female friends which I know are a distraction. I know as long as he seeks and receives the female support (friendship or now) from others he will not need me for that. I am sick over this. We are not talking right now because I became very jealous and insecure when he went to Missouri to visit his family and told him that he had no right to tell me he loves me and wanted to be with me forever, but yet couldn't even text me when he landed from his flight. Instead he texts his 'friends'. I know because I have access to the bill. It makes me sick that he puts these casual relationships and friendships before me. I know he does because I demand a lot and push him away all the time. He told me he can't handle my neediness anymore. Since when was trying to love someone that says they love you and want you forever needy? It just feels like manipulation. Everyday I check his phone records and FB and my heart sinks because he loves me and cares, but just from a distance and doesn't see the manipulation he allows. It's my fault for allowing this. I need help to let go and let God. I live all alone. I am single, no kids, and 36. My sister is so sick. My mom is going through a divorce. I am sad every day. I have no single friends, no body. I pray but need help. I really love the man I was going to marry and I know he does me, but we need distance and time. To confirm we are not physical. I won't allow it. Help, please pray for me.
