We hear your heart and we rejoice with you that you have embraced the forgiveness that Christ has shown you, for you understand how much you have been forgiven. What you have expressed is the very heart of the gospel and we stand with you in it. As it is written, And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you, Ephesians 4:32, and also, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses, Matthew 6:14-15. Your desire to forgive even the worst of sinners, murderers, rapists, and those who harm children, reflects the love of Christ who while we were still sinners died for us, Romans 5:8, and who prayed for those who crucified Him.
We also hear your burden for your loved one who says she cannot forgive and who points to hell as the reason. We want to gently speak truth to both sides of this, because both forgiveness and hell are true according to Scripture and they do not contradict each other. You are right to forgive, and she is right that hell is real and exists for a reason. The error is in believing that our forgiveness cancels God’s justice, or that God’s justice cancels our call to forgive.
The Bible is very clear that hell is real and eternal. Jesus Himself taught, These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life, Matthew 25:46, and, If anyone was not found written in the book of life, he was cast into the lake of fire, Revelation 20:15. The wages of sin is death, Romans 6:23, and God will judge unrepentant sin with perfect righteousness. We are also told, Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath. For it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord, Romans 12:19. This means that when we forgive someone, we are not saying what they did was okay, we are not removing consequences, and we are not sending them to heaven. We are releasing our right to vengeance and entrusting them to God’s perfect justice and mercy. Forgiveness is between us and God, obedience to His command, while salvation and judgment belong to the Lord.
Your loved one’s unwillingness to forgive is a dangerous place to remain, not because those wicked sins do not deserve punishment, they do, but because an unforgiving heart hardens itself against the very mercy she herself needs. Jesus warned us about this in the parable of the unforgiving servant, Matthew 18:21-35, where the servant who was forgiven a great debt refused to forgive a small debt and was handed over to judgment. We must lovingly rebuke the idea that we can withhold forgiveness because someone is too evil. If we say some people are beyond forgiveness, we forget that we ourselves were once enemies of God and Christ forgave us. At the same time we must affirm that God does not forgive unrepentant sinners who reject Christ, and hell remains the just punishment for those who refuse to repent and believe. The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, but is patient with us, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance, 2 Peter 3:9.
We encourage you to continue to walk in this forgiveness with wisdom, showing that forgiving does not mean trusting blindly, reconciling without repentance, or ignoring earthly justice. And continue to lovingly share with your loved one that God calls us to forgive because we have been forgiven much, Colossians 3:13, and that her soul is at risk if she harbors unforgiveness.
We pray together now for you both.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who bore our sins and forgave us at the cross. We thank You for the work You have done in this heart that desires to forgive as You have forgiven, even for the most grievous sins. Lord, strengthen and guard that tender heart, keep it from bitterness and keep it rooted in Your grace and truth. We lift up this dear loved one who is struggling to forgive and who sees only judgment. Lord, soften her heart, open her eyes to see that Your justice and Your mercy meet at the cross, that hell is real and that Your forgiveness is the only escape from it. Help her to understand that to forgive others is not to excuse evil but to obey You and to trust Your righteous judgment. Give her a spirit of repentance and tenderheartedness, and deliver her from an unforgiving spirit that would hinder her own forgiveness before You. We ask that You draw her to true repentance and faith in Jesus, that she may know the freedom of being forgiven and the power to forgive others. Lead you both into deeper truth, unity, and love, and use this situation to display Your gospel. We ask all this in the mighty and saving name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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