I don't want to be alone anymore. Even if the Lord is with me (won't forsake me, that is), I am always always alone. I've been depressed for so long. I don't have any friends. I am caring for my grandma (who is very sick) and my mom yells at me all day because I don't clean up after myself. I am so exhausted. I'm so depressed I don't know how to clean up after myself when I have hard time changing my grandma's diaper after several years. I am always alone. I have been in a different country. Me and my mother don't connect. I don't know how to communicate with her. If I feel unloved by her. The stress hurts so much. My grandma is very ill and I don't know how to clean the house when I'm so down. It's been so long that I've had a friend. I try and practice biblical womanhood being keepers at home but I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely. I don't like being alone. Maybe I was never meant to have any love at all. Lord help me do this alone. Even if you are with me.. I'm so alone. Please help me care for my grandma... alone.. help me change her diaper alone.. help me love myself.. alone.. help me not lust after anything.. alone.. help me not to want anything.. alone.. help me to clean the house.. alone.. help me to serve others without wanting anything or love in return.. alone... help me not to bite back at my mother.. alone.... help me to be alone... all my life I have been sooo alone.. alone..... Lord I just don't see why making me so alone all the time.... if going to help.. am I supposed to chase after someone... whenever I expressed sadness or pain I had no empathy from anyone.. I'm not motivated to seek love for anyone.. including the Lord.. it's not like he cares. The only thing he cares is if I am obedient to Him.. it doesn't matter if I am always alone.. it just doesn't matter.