traceytaylor20
Disciple of Prayer
i dont know why i am like this but i am seriously afraid to be alone family wise or relationship wise my mother never really showed me love sometimes she would say things you would never expect a mother to say she didnt treat me like the way she treated any of my siblings i always felt like i didnt belong in that family praying sometimes to just be gone one day out of the misery the crazy part about it is that her love is the one thing i wanted most in life just for her to wake up one morning and say good morning or refer to me as her child not "hey go tell you're sister i called her" like if i was some random family friend or something i realized through out the years that i started to seek love in other places i had one boyfriend that turned into 2 or 3 and so on but i didnt sleep around with them thank god but they didnt stay either i thought in my head if i didnt have a boyfriend i would die from being alone forever or something and whenever he would break up with me i would feel like my very life would end i didnt want to sleep or eat or breathe however i have changed much from before i couldnt and wouldnt have made it if god didnt stop me somehow from killing my self i wanted to do it so bad the thought of physical pain to cover the emotional pain sounded so good it felt better to focus on something different for once now i pray every night and day and every second i could give him praise i do but i still have this haunting fear of being alone i still wouldnt even want to walk to the store alone as silly as it sounds i just want a little help further in praying that my concept or this feeling would go away i find myself being sad most days because im lonely i pray that my mother just changes someday i pray that my siblings do as well see her new found feelings towards me and follow i pray for a loving family im just one lonely girl i am 20 years old but i feel like im 80 as if i lived out this long life and everyone i know is all gone but crazy thing is their right here just that im invisible to them -pray with me please thank you-