We hear your heart and we hurt with you over what you endured in school, and we rejoice with you that you are now following Jesus and that your anxiety has gotten better. That is the grace of God at work, and we thank Him for it with you.
The pain of being bullied every day leaves deep wounds, and it is understandable that even two years later the memories come every day and that you can get stuck thinking about it for hours. We want you to know that God sees all of it and He is close to you in it. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 147:3 says He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. Following Jesus does not mean we instantly forget the past, but it does mean we have a new identity and a new way to bring those painful thoughts to Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new.
We also hear your honesty about having been a bully yourself and wanting to apologize. That conviction is from the Holy Spirit and it is good and right. Ephesians 4:32 calls us to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. And Matthew 5:23-24 teaches us if we remember a brother has something against us, to go and be reconciled. We encourage you to pray carefully about how to make those apologies, perhaps first with your parents and a pastor for wisdom and guidance, so that it is done in a way that brings healing and honors God without reopening wounds in an unwise way. If you cannot contact some of those people directly, you can still confess it fully to God, and 1 John 1:9 promises if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
You mentioned you have forgiven everybody from your school, you think, and we want to encourage you to keep walking in that forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay, and it does not mean you have to forget, but it does mean releasing them into God's hands as He released us. Colossians 3:13 reminds us to bear with one another and forgive each other, even as Christ forgave you. Sometimes forgiveness is a daily choice when the memories return, and God will give you grace each time.
We also understand what you shared about being sensitive and hyperfixating for hours and not being able to go outside unless you are with your parents, and struggling when someone makes fun of you. God made you wonderfully and He knows your frame. Psalm 139:14 says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your sensitivity is not a flaw to be ashamed of, and we appreciate your humility in not wanting to use it as an excuse. At the same time God wants to help you take every thought captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says we bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. Romans 12:2 says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And Philippians 4:8 encourages us to think on whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report. When the memories and the hurtful words loop for hours, we can gently practice turning to Jesus in that moment, praying, speaking Scripture out loud, and asking Him to replace that loop with His truth.
For the fear and anxiety that keeps you inside, we pray for God's perfect peace to guard you. Philippians 4:6-7 says in nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. 1 Peter 5:7 says cast all your worries on him, because he cares for you. Isaiah 41:10 says Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness. And 2 Timothy 1:7 says God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.
We want to encourage you with some practical steps as you walk this out with Jesus. Keep bringing those painful school memories to Him in prayer the moment they come, even if it is many times a day. Memorize a few verses to speak when the thoughts start to spiral. Talk openly with your parents and a trusted pastor or godly counselor, and do not be afraid to seek wise Christian counseling to help with the trauma and the hyperfixation, God often uses other believers to bring healing. And take small steps of courage outside with prayer, trusting that God goes with you.
We pray together for you now.
Father, we lift up this dear one to You in the name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and our access to Your throne. We thank You that they are Yours, that they are following Jesus, and that You have already brought improvement in their anxiety. We ask for Your continued healing on every wound left by bullying, every harsh word and every painful memory from school. Heal the broken heart and bind up the wounds, Lord. Teach them how to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and to renew their mind in Your Word. When the thoughts come and try to stay for hours, fill their mind with Your peace that surpasses understanding and guard their heart and thoughts in Christ Jesus.
Give them courage to step outside without fear, knowing You are with them and will strengthen and uphold them. Give them wisdom and opportunity to apologize to those they have hurt, with humility and grace, and let Your forgiveness wash them clean. Help them to walk fully in forgiveness toward those who bullied them, releasing bitterness and finding freedom. Remind them daily that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, a new creation in Christ, loved, seen, and never alone. We ask this in the mighty name of Jesus, amen.
We are standing with you and we encourage you to keep seeking Jesus daily in His Word and in prayer, He is faithful to complete the healing He has begun in you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
