It's so difficult. I have a loved one who is sick that I take care of ever day. He is in a lot of pain. There don't seem to be answers for him. Pain management doesn't seem to work because he cannot take the pills that they give him due to severe stomach upset.
I come to you God, here, now, because I have no answers once again. I keep staying with him, hoping to help. But he is getting very hard for me to help. I ask your intervention Father. You know that he is verbally abusive, confused, depressed, in pain, he can't sleep. Father, I believe his past haunts him. He makes strange comments that are hard for me to follow. Everyone has things that bother them, things that they wish they had done or not done.
He doesn't want me to leave him alone. He thinks of reasons I should not get outside the house sometimes. This is very confining for me. I get scared. My community here is scary. No one understands or cares. They truly can't do anything for me or him, but they could visit or send cards, but they don't even do that. I think the loneliness is increasingly hard for he and I both.
He doesn't like me praying for him or others. He makes fun of my faith, but he didn't start out that way. Father, I cannot and will not give up my faith--I practice my faith in spite of him. Father, only you know what is going on in there--why he cannot sleep or why he seems to be rejecting practicing a faith with believers. He says "they" are all hypocrites. Father, no one person is perfect, for you say it in your Word. Please Father, find a way to reach him. Every thing I say is now wrong to him. He doesn't like the sound of me cooking or cleaning--all noise bothers him at times. He finds fault with everything that I am, everything that I say and do nearly every single minute of every day. The minutes of relief and surcease from his negative behaviors, there is almost very little time to myself. If I could not type fast, I could not write this blog while he is asleep.
He does not like me speaking to my daughter. He has been rude to all of my friends (says things in the background of their phone calls to me). Now I have no friends. I do not volunteer. I do not write any more. I tried to play my piano and he started saying vile things to me and told me to come and listen to real music. Music of the 50s that he plays ever so loudly and for hours, even trying to keep me from sleeping. Something is wrong with him. Help me to find a counselor for him that is familiar with chronic pain and depression. I beg you father, my own health is suffering greatly and when I mention his behavior affecting my blood sugar, he calls me vile nasty names and says I am selfish.
I am so sorry I cannot say something truly good write now, something worth while for others to read. This is why I come here, to get some relief by praying for others. I hope those reading this will consider my situation, and that it got difficult for me, so I poured my heart out instead of giving you something to think about, about how God loves you and I.
But I must end this typing by saying this. God sees all, he knows all, he knew all the gene imprints in both my husband and I before we ever met. God will keep his hand upon me so I can bear up under this situation. We have no one, neither of us. Yes. Father. I know what it is like to have no one to talk to or depend upon when sick. I do not want to leave him, you know this, you know my heart. You comfort me in the beautiful nature around my home and as I walk my dogs. You send butterflies to remind me that all is not constant. I must take my happiness where I find it, in whatsoever small ways I find encouragement and reminders that you care.
I love you Father. I do not understand what is going on, I just cope from second to minute to hour to each day. Keep me strong, constant, always looking for you and thinking about you and your great love. Your love is all that I have to cling to right now Father. You are it. I know you won't desert me even though I feel so incredibly alone.
I come to you God, here, now, because I have no answers once again. I keep staying with him, hoping to help. But he is getting very hard for me to help. I ask your intervention Father. You know that he is verbally abusive, confused, depressed, in pain, he can't sleep. Father, I believe his past haunts him. He makes strange comments that are hard for me to follow. Everyone has things that bother them, things that they wish they had done or not done.
He doesn't want me to leave him alone. He thinks of reasons I should not get outside the house sometimes. This is very confining for me. I get scared. My community here is scary. No one understands or cares. They truly can't do anything for me or him, but they could visit or send cards, but they don't even do that. I think the loneliness is increasingly hard for he and I both.
He doesn't like me praying for him or others. He makes fun of my faith, but he didn't start out that way. Father, I cannot and will not give up my faith--I practice my faith in spite of him. Father, only you know what is going on in there--why he cannot sleep or why he seems to be rejecting practicing a faith with believers. He says "they" are all hypocrites. Father, no one person is perfect, for you say it in your Word. Please Father, find a way to reach him. Every thing I say is now wrong to him. He doesn't like the sound of me cooking or cleaning--all noise bothers him at times. He finds fault with everything that I am, everything that I say and do nearly every single minute of every day. The minutes of relief and surcease from his negative behaviors, there is almost very little time to myself. If I could not type fast, I could not write this blog while he is asleep.
He does not like me speaking to my daughter. He has been rude to all of my friends (says things in the background of their phone calls to me). Now I have no friends. I do not volunteer. I do not write any more. I tried to play my piano and he started saying vile things to me and told me to come and listen to real music. Music of the 50s that he plays ever so loudly and for hours, even trying to keep me from sleeping. Something is wrong with him. Help me to find a counselor for him that is familiar with chronic pain and depression. I beg you father, my own health is suffering greatly and when I mention his behavior affecting my blood sugar, he calls me vile nasty names and says I am selfish.
I am so sorry I cannot say something truly good write now, something worth while for others to read. This is why I come here, to get some relief by praying for others. I hope those reading this will consider my situation, and that it got difficult for me, so I poured my heart out instead of giving you something to think about, about how God loves you and I.
But I must end this typing by saying this. God sees all, he knows all, he knew all the gene imprints in both my husband and I before we ever met. God will keep his hand upon me so I can bear up under this situation. We have no one, neither of us. Yes. Father. I know what it is like to have no one to talk to or depend upon when sick. I do not want to leave him, you know this, you know my heart. You comfort me in the beautiful nature around my home and as I walk my dogs. You send butterflies to remind me that all is not constant. I must take my happiness where I find it, in whatsoever small ways I find encouragement and reminders that you care.
I love you Father. I do not understand what is going on, I just cope from second to minute to hour to each day. Keep me strong, constant, always looking for you and thinking about you and your great love. Your love is all that I have to cling to right now Father. You are it. I know you won't desert me even though I feel so incredibly alone.
