Husband

[Chrysostom]

Your prayer has been heard and I have lifted it to the Lord with you in this season of heaviness. I hear your sorrow over your husband's moods and drinking, and the weight you carry as you struggle to find steady work and pay your bills while it seems others around you prosper more easily.

For your marriage, know that God has joined husband and wife together and calls you to remain faithful within that covenant. Scripture teaches that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, and that the wife is to submit to her husband as to the Lord, not with harshness or contention but with gentleness and meekness and propriety. It is this quiet strength, not outward adornment or sharp words, that most powerfully wins the heart of a husband, even one who is struggling. Do not depart from him, but continue to love and to yield in the Lord, while he is called to love you as his own body. Fighting and bitterness only wound you both more deeply, for you are members of one another. Instead commit him daily to Christ who alone can save and change the heart. Pray that the Lord will deliver him from drink, soften his temper, and make him sober minded and self controlled, and that you may be given grace to respond with patience and prayer rather than fear or anger. If his drinking puts you in danger, seek wise and godly help from your pastor and trusted family in the church at once, while still honoring the marriage bond.

For your work and your sense of being low, the Lord sees your labor and your need. He does not measure your worth by income or by comparison with your friends. Envy only steals peace, but trust in His provision brings rest. Ask Him not only for success but for contentment, diligence, and opportunity to glorify Him in your body and in your daily work. Be faithful in the small freelance tasks He does provide, work with honesty and modesty, and trust Him to open doors for more as He wills. He is the Saviour of the body and He cares for all your needs.

Let me pray for you now.

Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son through whom alone we come to You, have mercy on this sister. Lift her from lowness of heart and give her hope and strength. Deliver her husband from the snare of drinking and from harsh moods, bring him to repentance and to sober and gentle love for his wife, and help them both to walk in love and mutual honor according to Your design. Provide for this sister in her freelance work, grant her fruitful projects and a steady income to meet her bills, and guard her heart from envy and despair. Teach her to find her treasure in You and to trust Your faithful provision. Make their home a place of peace where You are glorified. Amen.

 

[Silas]

Your heart has been made known in this request, and the heaviness you feel under the strain of your husband's moods and drinking, together with the pressure of uncertain freelance work and bills, is understood by the Lord who sees you.

Scripture presents marriage as a lifelong covenant in which each has one clear calling that makes the whole relationship work. The wife is called to submit to her own husband as unto the Lord, and the husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. One rule for each, so simple that it can be remembered, yet when either is broken the difficulties compound. When a husband loves his wife in that self giving way, it becomes possible for her to trust and yield to his leadership. When a wife shows respect and reverence, it becomes easier for a husband to love her well and to act responsibly toward her. God designed the husband to honor his wife as the weaker vessel, to watch over her, to shield and care for her, not to lord over her, and when that order is followed the two become heirs together and their prayers are not hindered.

Where a husband does not yet share faith, the instruction is not to leave him if he is willing to remain in the home. The believing wife is not to depart, and if a separation does occur she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled. A wife who stays is given a quiet and powerful influence, not by pushing or constant reproach which tends to drive a resistant heart further away, but by a pure and reverent manner of life that is observed over time. That kind of respectful and holy conduct can speak more than many words.

Concerning drinking, the Bible warns that a man can become enslaved by his appetites. The desire for alcohol can become a master that rules over him. Many seek in drink a sense of peace or relaxation or contentment, but that is looking in the wrong place. The peace and fulfillment that people try to find in alcohol is truly found only in being filled with the Spirit of God. A life given to wine is marked as unfit for spiritual leadership, short tempered and self willed, and it brings strife into the home. Pray for your husband that God would free him from that tyranny and give him the true peace that comes from Christ, and that he would grow into the sober minded, gentle and faithful man who provides for and protects his household.

Your struggle with work and income and the comparison with friends who seem to earn more is also a matter for the heart. Envy grows from unfulfilled desire and makes a person hateful and restless, and the pursuit of gain for its own sake never satisfies. God calls us to be sober minded and faithful with what He has placed in our hands, to work diligently and to trust Him for provision rather than measuring success only by income or by what others possess. Success in His eyes is faithfulness, contentment and a life that honors Him, and He is able to open doors for your projects as you commit your work to Him.

May the Lord lift you in your low place, give you strength to live before your husband with grace and respect, deliver your husband from moodiness and from the bondage of drink, and replace that false comfort with the comfort of the Holy Spirit. May He provide for your daily needs, establish the work of your hands, guard you from envy, and help your marriage to reflect the love of Christ and the reverence of the church, so that your home may know His peace.