C
christinasantini
Guest
I have a good friend named Mark and he has so much hurt in his heart. He even described it as huge swirling black hole that is always there. When he smiles - it's there, when he's watching tv-it's there, no matter what he's doing it's there. He always feels sad & down cast inside but puts on a face for everyone. He barely talks to anyone, because he feels like he's a man and he should be able to fix and handle it himself, plus he does want to bring anyone else down with all the hurt in his life. He won't go to church, no because he doesn't believe in God but because he feels like he has to make himself "right" first, which by knowing Mark practically means he has to make himself perfect. He has to make himself "worthy" first before he goes to church. He is very serious about that because I had him take me to the churh when I was grieving over a lost loved one and he was nervous about even being in the parking lot. He feels that before in the past he used to pray for forgiveness and then end up falling back to his same sinful ways, so he said to himself that he wouldn't pray to God or go to church until he can "fix" himself and make himself worthy of talking to God and being in God's presence. The only problem with this is he isn't going to be able to make himself "worthy", none of us are worthy of God. That's why he sent his son for us, and it says in the Bible are works are what make us worthy. But there's no telling him that because he's held on to that concept for such an amount of time that it's in grained inside him. It's so sad, because I know he hurts so bad. He feels he's unworthy of good things. The sad thing is he's a really great person. He likes to protect people, stand up for whats right, take of people, he has a super big heart, he's honest, just a super guy. Yet he holds himself to such a high standard that it makes him feel like he's never good enough. He'd do anything for someone. His Mom will say to him that she's so proud of him and how great he is, and he'll look at himself in the mirror and feel awful that he's fouled his mom, because he "really isn't worth anything, he's an awful person not worth anything.". It's so sad. He allows things he can't change to way his heart down. We are both in the military and his heart is so burdened by the soldiers with families and young kids that are going over there dying. He feels for the people over there too because when he was in Iraq he seen people such poverty stricken that it broke his heart. He seen a little girl come to him wearing a potato sack asking for some of their bottle water so they could sell it and get things their family needed. He so greived by the war because he feels like he won't be able to protect all the troops he's accountable for. He wishes he could just send himself and no one else so he could protect them all and make sure they wouldn't be hurt. It's things like that, that he can't change that way him down that he fells he fails out. He can't change the war, he can't change poverty, it's just sad. This should show he has a deep caring heart. However, he's deeply sad inside and has a disparing sad inside that is tearing him down every day. He's had it so long that he can't even remember when he didn't feel like he had that deep black hole in him. What does he do to deal with the hurt in pain? Well he drinks. This helps numb the pain, and feeling of worthlessness. He doesn't even feel he's worthy of love. Please pray for him. He's such an awesome person, and he needs to not only feel but know that he's a good person and worthy of love. He needs to know that God loves him wants him. That God values him as Gem. He needs to know that the feelings of feeling like he can't pray to God and can't come to church for fearing of losing his soul are a lie straight from Hell. I need you to pray that he will have a strong desire and hunger for God. That God will give him healing. That God will take away his desire for alcohol to heal him and have him desire to come to God for healing. He needs to be able to walk into church and open up to people so they can pour into him and help him. He needs to stop beating himself up over things he can't change but instead pray fro them and give them to God. He's getting deployed to Afghanistan in 2012, and although I know I can't rush God, but I really really really want him to hopefully be right with God and in a walk with him prior to going. Please pray for him. I'll keep trying to pour into him, but this is so much bigger than anything I can do. I can tell him he's special and he might retain it in his head for few minutes maybe couple hours but God can reach in there and heal his hurt where I can't get to him and give him a feeling worthliness and specialness and love that I would never be capable of. I've been praying for him every day and going up front to have someone pray for him every Sunday and hoping that I can get him to go to church, but I feel like Satan's taken notice to it, because when he starts to hear a little bit it's like something will happen to sweap him back away so he retreats back into himself with his hurt and alcohol, so please pray that Satan stays away from this guy who is precious to God. Thank you so much for your prayer. When he finally comes to church through God's grace and all of our prayers I will get back on here and give you a praise report to let you know. I pray and ask that you continually pray for these things until they have come to past and a praise report saying he's come to church comes about. thanks again.
sincerely,
Christina
sincerely,
Christina
