mimi125
Disciple of Prayer
Honest conversation with God.
Hello God! I don't know how to start and where. I am confused about You and our relationship, if there is any. All of my life I feel like You were not there for me, all of my life I have been a complete loser, bad grades, constantly made fun of, brought down by my own family, lonely, lied all the time, ugly body, had to wear hand me downs all the time, and here You are, got everything, supposedly full of love to me, and always there for me. I had faith in You, I loved You, I wanted to serve You, but You pushed me away. I wanted to change, I wanted to have a different life with You, but You weren't interested in changing my life and helping me out. You were busy helping everyone else. You were busy putting my sisters' lives together, You were busy working on my brother's success, You were and still are busy working on everyone else's life, but mine. You are making me feel like an unwanted leftover. You never really cared for me, all of my life I have been a loser, trusting You idiot. I believed the Bible, that You are mighty God, that You are a loving Father, full of miracles, that You are caring, accepting, forgiving, in control of everything. Well, apparently, You are not. You are not all that, You are nothing like what the Bible talks about You. The way I know You, is that You are the worst friend, You always let down, You don't keep Your promises, You don't love, You don't care, You wasted Your Son's life for nothing, You were never for me, You were always against me. The more I am asking You to bless me and help me, the more I fail. The more I rely on You, the more I fail. You brought me down to all the way to the ground, and now You are doing Your best to smash me, squish me, completely destroy me, mock me, make fun of me, and keep on telling me to trust You! Would You trust someone like that? Would You want to be treated that way? Would You want to have a father like that? Would You want to have a friend like that? Would You? Tell me! Would You? No! of course not, but why are You doing this to me? Why? Why do You hate me so much? Why? Because my dad didn't want me and I was an outcast all the time? Why? Give me an answer! I want to know why You treat me like a shit and expecting me being good? If You are not good Yourself? I am tired of this faith in You, I am tired of being treated like a crap all the time, I am tired of being fooled all the time. I AM TIRED OF YOU and YOUR FAKE PROMISES! I am so tired of all the bullshit about You. I am so tired! I don't want this anymore. I want change, a good, positive change! I want to live an honest life, not hurting anyone, and be happy. But You don't want me to be happy, but You, God, doing everything to keep me down, and to keep me sad, to ruin my life, to destroy everything in my life. Well, so far You are successful, go head and kill me completely, throw more stones my way, and screw me over and over again. You are good in screwing me over, You are good in hurting me. What great God You are. I am impressed! Thanks for making me miserable and destroying my life! Now, if You want me, if You need me, if You care about me, then restore me, rebuild me, show me that You love me, and that the Bible is true.
Hello God! I don't know how to start and where. I am confused about You and our relationship, if there is any. All of my life I feel like You were not there for me, all of my life I have been a complete loser, bad grades, constantly made fun of, brought down by my own family, lonely, lied all the time, ugly body, had to wear hand me downs all the time, and here You are, got everything, supposedly full of love to me, and always there for me. I had faith in You, I loved You, I wanted to serve You, but You pushed me away. I wanted to change, I wanted to have a different life with You, but You weren't interested in changing my life and helping me out. You were busy helping everyone else. You were busy putting my sisters' lives together, You were busy working on my brother's success, You were and still are busy working on everyone else's life, but mine. You are making me feel like an unwanted leftover. You never really cared for me, all of my life I have been a loser, trusting You idiot. I believed the Bible, that You are mighty God, that You are a loving Father, full of miracles, that You are caring, accepting, forgiving, in control of everything. Well, apparently, You are not. You are not all that, You are nothing like what the Bible talks about You. The way I know You, is that You are the worst friend, You always let down, You don't keep Your promises, You don't love, You don't care, You wasted Your Son's life for nothing, You were never for me, You were always against me. The more I am asking You to bless me and help me, the more I fail. The more I rely on You, the more I fail. You brought me down to all the way to the ground, and now You are doing Your best to smash me, squish me, completely destroy me, mock me, make fun of me, and keep on telling me to trust You! Would You trust someone like that? Would You want to be treated that way? Would You want to have a father like that? Would You want to have a friend like that? Would You? Tell me! Would You? No! of course not, but why are You doing this to me? Why? Why do You hate me so much? Why? Because my dad didn't want me and I was an outcast all the time? Why? Give me an answer! I want to know why You treat me like a shit and expecting me being good? If You are not good Yourself? I am tired of this faith in You, I am tired of being treated like a crap all the time, I am tired of being fooled all the time. I AM TIRED OF YOU and YOUR FAKE PROMISES! I am so tired of all the bullshit about You. I am so tired! I don't want this anymore. I want change, a good, positive change! I want to live an honest life, not hurting anyone, and be happy. But You don't want me to be happy, but You, God, doing everything to keep me down, and to keep me sad, to ruin my life, to destroy everything in my life. Well, so far You are successful, go head and kill me completely, throw more stones my way, and screw me over and over again. You are good in screwing me over, You are good in hurting me. What great God You are. I am impressed! Thanks for making me miserable and destroying my life! Now, if You want me, if You need me, if You care about me, then restore me, rebuild me, show me that You love me, and that the Bible is true.
