Anonymous
Beloved of All
Hi,
This is super long. I am an anonymous person that needs some serious prayer in the area of friendships. I seem to have a major problem keeping long term relationships. I know the whole “friends for a season†thing is what a lot of people say and I am ok with that, but my problem isn’t friends get busy and we go our separate ways. This is usually more discouraging. Usually within several months of many of my friendships I am having to decide whether or not to cut them loose or hang on to them. After several months, I usually silently make a selfish decision to hang on to them, but not for the right reasons. I will decide I don’t care for their personality, but I may need a favor, have a prayer request, need intercession, need to vent, etc and I will keep in touch with these people for that reason.
I know it’s terrible, but I am just being real. Lately God has been convicting me that nearly EVERYONE in my life I do this with. Almost everyone that I consider a ‘friend’ has some proclivity that I find intolerable or rubs me the wrong way. While none of us our perfect and I know we can’t go around dumping everyone who disappoints us, I find myself constantly having a “what’s in it for me†attitude in my heart. I continue to contact various people for prayer requests, intercession, sounding board, etc. but these are people whom i may not enjoy their company or crave their companionship without these things attached.
My eyes opened to how selfish this behavior was when I met a friend over a year ago whom I deeply cared about. I helped her out during a financial crisis. I had some emotional issues and had to go take a break from her. Many months after counseling, the Lord told me she never loved me but hung out with me because of the money. I couldn’t believe my ears but I got FOUR confirmations. The last confirmation came when she texted me asking to borrow a large amount of money and was acting friendly to me, but she turned down my invitation to go on a hike.
I can see how hurtful this behavior is when you really care for someone. I really need to stop being so self seeking when it comes to relationships. I have been called to the carpet on this by a sister at my old church who told me she blocked my email address because I was asking her for a favor when I just met her and she felt “used†so to speak.
I come across to people like I just want them to meet my need, whatever it is. Another friend this evening confessed to me via text message that I acted ‘distant’ and like I didn’t want to hang out with her when I lived in California (Im in Indiana now). We sort of ended it over the text message. I cleaned more contacts out of my phone, partly because I realize there are people I only seem to contact when I want something from them, not because I care about what is going on in their life.
I really hope I am not the only one with this ugly problem, but if I am on this board, so be it. Please pray that God will change my heart. I am actually really getting lonely right now. God is teaching me some painful lessons and I am in a neighborhood where there are a couple of people who like to freeload and now I am feeling like the commodity.
I am lonely and want meaningful relationships. Please pray for god to change my heart.
This is super long. I am an anonymous person that needs some serious prayer in the area of friendships. I seem to have a major problem keeping long term relationships. I know the whole “friends for a season†thing is what a lot of people say and I am ok with that, but my problem isn’t friends get busy and we go our separate ways. This is usually more discouraging. Usually within several months of many of my friendships I am having to decide whether or not to cut them loose or hang on to them. After several months, I usually silently make a selfish decision to hang on to them, but not for the right reasons. I will decide I don’t care for their personality, but I may need a favor, have a prayer request, need intercession, need to vent, etc and I will keep in touch with these people for that reason.
I know it’s terrible, but I am just being real. Lately God has been convicting me that nearly EVERYONE in my life I do this with. Almost everyone that I consider a ‘friend’ has some proclivity that I find intolerable or rubs me the wrong way. While none of us our perfect and I know we can’t go around dumping everyone who disappoints us, I find myself constantly having a “what’s in it for me†attitude in my heart. I continue to contact various people for prayer requests, intercession, sounding board, etc. but these are people whom i may not enjoy their company or crave their companionship without these things attached.
My eyes opened to how selfish this behavior was when I met a friend over a year ago whom I deeply cared about. I helped her out during a financial crisis. I had some emotional issues and had to go take a break from her. Many months after counseling, the Lord told me she never loved me but hung out with me because of the money. I couldn’t believe my ears but I got FOUR confirmations. The last confirmation came when she texted me asking to borrow a large amount of money and was acting friendly to me, but she turned down my invitation to go on a hike.
I can see how hurtful this behavior is when you really care for someone. I really need to stop being so self seeking when it comes to relationships. I have been called to the carpet on this by a sister at my old church who told me she blocked my email address because I was asking her for a favor when I just met her and she felt “used†so to speak.
I come across to people like I just want them to meet my need, whatever it is. Another friend this evening confessed to me via text message that I acted ‘distant’ and like I didn’t want to hang out with her when I lived in California (Im in Indiana now). We sort of ended it over the text message. I cleaned more contacts out of my phone, partly because I realize there are people I only seem to contact when I want something from them, not because I care about what is going on in their life.
I really hope I am not the only one with this ugly problem, but if I am on this board, so be it. Please pray that God will change my heart. I am actually really getting lonely right now. God is teaching me some painful lessons and I am in a neighborhood where there are a couple of people who like to freeload and now I am feeling like the commodity.
I am lonely and want meaningful relationships. Please pray for god to change my heart.
