tdayy
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Hey Praying People! So, I have been through some things and I was wondering if you could help me out or make sense of it. I just feel as though as I was given the short end of the stick. It will take patience to read. Thanks again! >> Start >> God, I feel like I've been given the short end of the stick my entire life. For example, I remember one summer I was literally crying daily and I will hear you numbly tell me to "sing, laugh, dance." I didn't feel your presence or the warmth in your words, everything around me was raging icicles. Then I got scolded of you telling me that I was clinging to the cross too much, instead of letting your Words (the bible) thoroughly wash over me. I tried reading your Word, sometimes I would spend hours locked up in my bedroom, because my brother was a raging monster on the outside of it and through the tears I would do my best reading although my mind was hazy and had lacked focus. However, I went to school that fall and in bible study, a girl who has the gift to prophesy told our group she was going through rough times and she went to her grandmother and her grandma gave her a warm, loving Word, that the Lord told her the next time she ever feels sad, sing to Him. She said it with a smile as if recalling a fond memory. You spoke warmly to her and with understanding, which is sweet. I hold no envy for her, because I want no one to go through the icy, alone, and strip bare moments I endured. Another is that the same girl told us that the Lord gave a Word through a man that didn't even know it was her birthday that the Lord said, "happy birthday" to her, which is very sweet. But I just remember my past birthdays when I had waited and believed all night that God was going to do something supernatural or nice to make my birthday better. My brother had told and showed me how I have no one in my family who cares that it was birthday aside from my mother who is burdened by me. So, I turned to the Lord, my heart was ripped out by my family's hate but I thought and believed the Lord was going to make it better...I was so alone, no one wanted to celebrate my special day with me so I waited on Him, but only fell asleep to receive the scariest God dream ever! I don't know why His is so mean to me or treats me this way. One time He spoke through a pastor to me and told me how I got in His way. I-I didn't mean to. I don't know why He does this to me or treats me the way He does. He's been revealing to me how I am a warrior and how my Entire name means "warrior." I didn't ask for this. I don't want to be a warrior, that path is apparently hard, alone, and cold...so very cold and alone. But, I feel as though you're pushing me into it God. Thanks. For the record, I am not envy of the girl who has been fruitful of God's love and kindness. I'm just confused and lost in His ways. God, I don't get it, please help me. I'm almost afraid to ask why, because I know what that had gotten me last time. *shiver* I don't know...help me, just please help me and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my foolishness. I don't know what I did and I'm afraid to ask. Please, just help me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. In Jesus' name.
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