Help me discern what God wants for me

[Anonymous]

I had a flashback that felt divinely guided on all the men I’ve loved, and realised I didn’t love my current date as much. I felt total devotion to one of these men and now feel like that has been sucked out of me and I can’t feel it again. What are signs I’m being called to a season of singleness ?

 

[Articles]

We have heard your heart and we join with you in seeking God's will together in Jesus' name as you ask for discernment about love, devotion, and whether God is calling you to a season of singleness.

We understand that flashback felt powerful and even divinely guided as you looked back over the men you have loved and compared those feelings to your current date, and that you felt a total devotion to one man that now feels empty and unable to be recovered. We want to gently encourage you to test what you are feeling against the Word of God, because our feelings, even very strong ones, can be misleading. The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt, who can know it, Jeremiah 17:9, and we are told Beloved, don't believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world, 1 John 4:1. Not every intense memory or emotion is God's voice, and God will never guide us in a way that contradicts His Word. True discernment comes when we Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight, Proverbs 3:5-6, and when we ask for wisdom, for if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him, James 1:5.

We also want to lovingly address what you have shared about loving many men and dating. In God's design, romantic love is not meant to be spread among many relationships or measured by intensity of feeling, but to be expressed within a courtship that is intentionally moving toward marriage between a man and a woman who are both believers in Christ. We believe in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and we encourage that any dating relationship be viewed as courtship with the goal of finding a godly spouse, not simply a partner or companion. We are told Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity, 2 Corinthians 6:14, so the first question for any man you consider is whether he is a faithful follower of Jesus. We also must speak honestly about purity, because if any of those past loves involved sexual intimacy outside of marriage, Scripture calls that fornication and calls us to turn from it. For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4. If that has been part of your story, we encourage you to bring it to the Lord in repentance and receive His forgiveness and cleansing, for He is faithful to restore you.

You asked what are signs you are being called to a season of singleness, and we believe that singleness is not a punishment but a gift God sometimes gives for our good and His glory. Scripture says the unmarried person cares about the things of the Lord, how she may please the Lord, 1 Corinthians 7:32-34, and that this allows for undistracted devotion to Him. Signs God may be leading you into such a season include a need for healing from past attachments and comparisons, a sense that your devotion has been poured out on people rather than first on God, a lack of peace or clear direction about marriage with your current date, a desire to seek first God's Kingdom, and his righteousness, Matthew 6:33, above seeking a relationship, and an opportunity to grow in contentment and delight in the Lord Himself. Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart, Psalm 37:4, reminds us that when He is our first delight, He shapes our desires to align with His will. A season of singleness can be God's gracious invitation to let Him refill what feels sucked out of you, to learn that total devotion belongs to Him first, and only then can it be rightly given to a godly husband in marriage.

We noticed your request mentions God but does not mention Jesus, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus Christ that we have access to God and discern His will. Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus Christ, believing that He died for your sins and rose again, confessing Him as Lord, for if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10:9. It is in His name we pray and in His Word we find clear guidance.

So we pray together for you now. Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son and we lift up our sister to You. Lord, You see her longing for clarity, the ache of past loves, the confusion over her current date, and the emptiness she feels where devotion once was. We ask You to pour out Your wisdom upon her liberally and to make her path straight as she acknowledges You. Heal her heart from past attachments, cleanse her where there has been sin, and forgive her through the blood of Jesus. Teach her to delight herself in You first and to seek Your Kingdom above all else. If it is Your will for her to walk in a season of singleness, give her peace and contentment in that calling and use it to make her undistracted in devotion to You. If You are preparing a godly marriage for her, help her to pursue it only with a believing man in purity and with marriage as the goal. Guard her from being led by feelings alone and help her to test every thought by Your Word. Fill what feels empty with Your perfect love and restore to her the joy of belonging fully to You. We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus, amen.

We encourage you to use this season to press deeply into Scripture daily, to pray and even fast as you seek wisdom, to seek counsel from mature Christian believers, and to step back from dating until you have clarity and healing. God is not withholding good from you, He is leading you toward what is best, and as you walk with Him, He will faithfully show you the next step.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how unsettling this has been for you, that flashback bringing up so much comparison and leaving you wondering where your heart is and what God is inviting you into next.

It makes sense that a rush of memory and strong feeling would feel like guidance, and also leave you questioning it afterward. In our experience discernment rarely comes from one intense moment alone. It grows over time through prayer, honest reflection, and the wisdom of people who know you well, and what looks like devotion in memory can feel different when we are not in that season anymore. Not feeling the same intensity now does not necessarily mean something has been taken from you, it may simply mean you are seeing more clearly what is present today.

A season of singleness is not always marked by a dramatic sign. More often it is a quiet sense of needing space to heal, to regain steadiness, and to seek God without the pressure of evaluating a dating relationship. Some find that freedom, time for friendships and calling, and a growing contentment in being single for now are gentle indicators that a pause is wise.

One next step that could help is to give yourself a defined pause from dating, even a few weeks, and use that time to talk with a trusted pastor or mentor who knows your story. Writing down what surfaced in that flashback and what you are noticing in your current dating relationship can help you sort what is memory, what is longing, and what is present reality.

Father, we bring our friend to You in Jesus' name. Give calm and clarity in this questioning, heal places that feel empty or pulled in different directions, and lead with Your steady wisdom as next steps become clear. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your heart is asking after the will of God, and that desire itself is to be taken seriously and tested by the Word of God rather than by the stirrings of memory or feeling. You speak of a flashback that felt divinely guided and of devotion that seems to have been sucked out of you, leaving you unable to feel again. Feelings are real and they move us deeply, yet they are not a sure guide to the voice of God. The Scriptures teach us to judge every impression by what is holy and true, for the calling of God is not according to our works or our emotions, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.

That calling, where it is truly of God, is always a holy calling. It forbids all trust in our own doings and conducts us to Christ alone for salvation, and afterwards it purges us from dead works to serve the living and true God. It is a high calling, a calling from on high, and a heavenly calling that lifts up the heart to eternity, to heaven and to holiness. If you would examine whether you are being called to any season or service, look first for these marks. Does the thought draw you nearer to Christ Himself, to nourish holiness, to love chastity and truth, to seek first the kingdom of God. Does it make you desire to be the Lord's wholly, to give undivided attention to Him.

The Lord Jesus still says, Come to Me. His favorite word is Come. Not go to a feeling, not go to a memory, not go to Moses, but Come to Me. He calls sinners to Himself by a personal trust, not to doctrine or ordinance first, but to the personal Saviour who humbled Himself and gave Himself for us. To come to Him is to lay your hand upon the sacrifice, to receive Him as outside of you, to trust His blood and righteousness alone for salvation, and then to take Him into yourself by faith, to feed upon Him and to learn of Him. We are not only to bear a yoke, but His yoke, and we are to take it upon us and learn of Him as our Teacher.

For this reason do not put off the great business of coming to Christ while you try to interpret a past devotion or a present lack of affection. Tomorrow is the idiot's cup which he fableth to lie at the foot of the rainbow, but which none hath ever found. Everything crieth Today, and the Holy Ghost saith, Today if ye will hear His voice, harden not your hearts. If you have a desire to come, if you are forcing your way through the ashes to get to Christ, it is because Christ is calling you. Listen to Him while He speaks and come down without delay, as Abram did when he was called. He went at once and did not pause to ask a single question. He set out for Canaan and to Canaan he came. Many try to go to Canaan and yet to stop at Haran, to serve God and yet to live as they used to live, but effectual calling will not allow a divided heart.

You ask for signs of a season of singleness. The Word does speak of singleness as a good and holy estate when it is used for undivided devotion to the Lord, not merely as a pause between affections. Consider these things before the Lord in prayer and in the light of Scripture. Is there a growing desire for holiness and purity, to keep the body and mind for the Lord according to His design that marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and that the intimacies of love and dwelling together belong within that covenant alone. Is there a willingness to be content without a human partner for now, that you might give meat to your household of faith, lay your hands to the spindle of useful service, and eat not the bread of idleness. Is there a settled peace in waiting upon the Lord, rather than a restless searching from one affection to another. Is there a call to serve, to learn, to be nourished and to nourish others, with your heart safely trusting in Christ who says to His people even in their lowest estate, I am married unto you.

Do not therefore take a diminished feeling for one person or a heightened memory of another as a certain sign from God. Bring every thought to Christ. Ask Him to teach you, for it is the ignorant whom He invites to come that He may teach them. Sit before Him and say, Lord, speak to me, help me to apply every word to my own case, help me to lay hold of every promise. He delights to save unto the uttermost all that come unto God by Him, and He is with His people always to plead for them.

Seek first to be truly His. Turn from every way that is not holy, trust only in the Lord Jesus for salvation, and yield yourself to love and obey Him. In that place, whether He leads you in time to holy marriage or keeps you in singleness for a season or for life, you will know His will not by a flash of feeling but by a heart made holy, lifted up to high things, and kept in rest by coming to Christ Himself.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.