Abhigna
Disciple of Prayer
Hello, I come here to confess my sins and seek prayer on behalf of me and all those who read this. When I was 4 years old and my brother 8 months old, my mother died by committing suicide due to some family issues. My dad had a second marriage, and she was very good. Though she did not replace our mother, she is good at heart. Myself and my brother were both brought up by my grandparents. My dad, who had a second marriage, has another 3 children. We were never dependent on him, though we know he is the only one supporting our education and our needs, though we stay with his parents. We rarely visit our parents. So, from childhood, my only intention was to see my brother happy, and I tried a lot to not make him feel my mother's loss. Years passed by, and I completed post-graduation, and my brother his graduation by the grace of God. We were born Christians by birth, and I was a little more prayerful than my brother. Though I did not ask God anything, he was always with me. But, the only thing is I do not have any guidance from my childhood on how to be and how not to be. God was always taking care of me, and I could feel this many times in my life. My brother was a little stubborn from childhood, and during his last year of graduation, he wanted a cell phone. I then only completed my post-graduation and was in search of a job. He was asking so stubbornly that I could not say no. I did not know what to do. Whenever he doesn't get something, he used to feel that only if he had a mother, he would share his needs with her. I do not like him to feel like that. The first time I took a hand loan from my cousin and bought him that. That cell phone costed 14,000 INR. Later, I got a job. But, my salary was so low that I could not repay back that. To repay that, I have taken another loan. So, this continued. I could feel where I was going on like this, but had no option or anyone to help me out. I know this is only because of my own doings, but I was helpless. Meanwhile, I got married. I thought of sharing about the debts with my husband. But, initially, he used to stay somewhere else, and myself in another place, and we had some differences of opinion on understanding each other. So, I did not say anything to him. Later on, we both started working at one place, but my debts increased so much that I feared to share with my husband because I know the way he thinks, and I know I will lose my family if I share. I never cheated anyone in repayment of interests. I struggled a lot and am still struggling past 9 years. Now with 2 kids before my eyes, I could not continue to live like this. I want to be loyal to my family. My brother is married and is just now settling. I do not want to make him responsible for the debts. From past 2 years, I am praying to God like anything to give me a single chance to start my life again. I repent so much for what I have done. Now I feel that if my mother would have been alive, probably my life would not have been like this. I miss her so much now. I wanted to come out of this badly, but no one to pray on my behalf to God, to show a way to come out of this. Please, I pray all who read, please and please pray for me. As a human, everyone does mistakes, but with much repentance, I come to all of you to carry on my burden to God to deliver me from these debts. I tried a lot for online loans, but some cheated me by taking some money upfront, and some posted my name as a fraudster. I am not so. With much genuineness and frankness, I come before you all to pray for me in this Christmas season. Tomorrow, I have to pay 2 lakhs, and I do not have any source except leaning on God's shoulder to show me a way. I do not want to make the mistake my mother had made and leave my children as orphans. I want to start a second life with all Glory to God. Daily meditating on God's word of forgiveness and his help in need. I know I have done a mistake, and my situation is because of the things I have done. But, I also hope there is value for repentance. Whenever we do some wrong, we look for one chance. With that hope to get a single chance from God, I am before his feet. I was always so unfortunate from my childhood, and I now come to God to touch me and make me his own, making me feel his presence. Please pray for me, my brothers and sisters, that I may come out of this situation, giving all the Glory to God, being a loyal vessel to him. Please pray to God to give me one chance and wipe my past hidden life. - Amen
