Hello, Four years ago I sent a prayer request to you and my prayer was answered. I am at a point in my life that I just feel completely sad, stuck and alone. My soon to be ex husband is a police officer and former Marine who served in Iraq with diagnosed PTSD. I believe he has a sex addiction and states in the instances that I will give you further in this email that I never showed him enough attention and not enough intimacy in the bedroom and out of the bedrroom. He blames me for the downfall of our marriage based on the lack of intimacy. In October my husband of almost 14 years (Feb 23) left me for another woman. Sadly, this is not the first time. He cheated on me once with a friend of mine that I worked with. He said that he was helping her with her husband who was addicted to pills and he was a shoulder for her to lean on and it ended up in a one night stand. They hid that from me until her husband found out and was threatening to tell me. He and my then friend made up an elaborate story, which I believed and then he finally came clean and told me the truth. I forgave him and we went to marriage counseling for a shot time until he decided he no longer wanted to participate. It wasn't long after that he met a woman on Instagram and was flirting with her online where our mutual friends and even I could see it. This woman was apparently going through a divorce and he was a shoulder for her to cry on. He supposedly was helping her through her difficult time. He told me I was making a big deal our of nothing and that nothing was going on. He continued despite my pleas to stop. He ended up leaving at that time telling me that I accused him of cheating enough that he figured he might as well do it. At that time he moved out in December and then in February he came back stating he had made a mistake and that he loved me and that I am the love of his life. I sent a prayer request to you then. I prayed to God, I cried to God so many times. I even asked God on 3 separate occasions to give me a sign that if our marriage wasn't over to please show me a very specific sign. I did that 3 times and each and every time he answered showing me exactly what I asked for all 3 times. My husband moved back in the same week the woman he met was moving into his apartment. This year he was introduced to another woman through a female friend of his (he has a ton of female friends). He ended up convincing this woman to get a divorce from her husband (supposedly because he would take his anger out on her in the bedroom). As you can guess, he was her shoulder to cry on. they talked and texted daily. I again brought it to my husband how uncomfortable it made me and he told me I was making too much of it and stop being jealous. Well, In October he moved out . He moved in with her. Before he moved out though he slept on the couch here at home. Then he started leaving and not coming home over night. Then it was for entire weekends. Leaving the girls and I here and not knowing where he was for sure or when he would be home. I always knew where he was. It really hurt my kids and me. He got a tattoo and had her initials and date of birth placed in it. He started a Facebook account and plastered pictures of them together for all of our friends to see. Pictures of him and her kissing each other. It was gut wrenching and he didn't even care and neither did she. He even asked me if when he married again if I would be his "side piece". I know it sounds insane there was so many more heartbreaking things he did to me and I still wanted my husband. A part of me still does. It's really pathetic. We have filed for divorce, and he has asked her to marry him already once our divorce is final. We have two girls old enough to understand whats going on, but still young, they witnessed everything. He gave them a front row seat showing them how a man shouldn't treat a woman and he didn't care. I should say I am wife number 3 and obviously she will be number 4. I feel like he is a narcissist. When we met it was on a blind date in May. He pushed the relationship right along. Moving in with me in June. I thought the divorce process had started with him and his 2nd wife, but what I found out later, it had not. He had asked me to marry him before his divorce was final and told me he thought he was going to be deployed so we rushed things. He got divorced in November and we got engaged that week. We got married in February. As I write this I am seeing a pattern. He always blamed his 2nd wife for the downfall of their marriage and he said his first wife was a mutual agreement. He says his new love is the love of his life and he is happier than he has ever been . He says that if I would have been intimate in the bedroom we wouldn't be in this position and getting a divorce. This has been really hard on our oldest daughter, she doesn't want to go to her dads and his fiance's house. She's afraid to tell him what's bothering her for fear he will yell at her. They used to be so close, but his actions have unfortunately, ruined that. When he lived here he used to gang up on me with her and they would pick on me till I cried. He'd tell me I couldn't take a joke. She hasn't done that at all since he's been gone. My youngest will go see and spend time with her dad and his fiance and her kids. She has the best heart and doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but she says it is very hard on her. Its hard on her when her sister won't go and spend time with her dad as well. I try so hard to be strong, but I cry almost daily. I feel completely broken. I'm devastated It hurts so badly to know that that he is with the love of his life and happier than he ever was with me. What in the world is wrong with me. He says he put me on a pedestal and gave me everything I ever wanted. I didn't care about that. I have been in a very dark place. In the beginning I had contemplated killing myself, I had the pills out and in my hand. I'm a nurse I know what it takes, I looked down and there was a passage in a devotional I read and I felt it was God telling me to stop. It's why I'm still here today and no longer have those feelings. I cry daily, I am emotionally exhausted. I wonder what is wrong with me. Why would God allow this to happen. I don't believe he wants divorce. I'm afraid this is punishment for me. I did have an affair with a married man when I was much younger and I am so ashamed of it. I have asked multiple times for forgiveness from God for that HUGE mistake. I read my bible and devotionals Joyce wrote daily. I am 48 years old. I am so afraid I will not find a man who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. I know I will never be alone because God is always with me. I know God loves me. It would be nice to have an earthly man to love me and my daughters. Someone who can show my girls how a man should love their mom. I pray every night for God's strength, grace and courage. I pray for him to help me get over this trauma. I pray for a man to love me. I pray that the girls and I will be okay and get past this. I pray we have an abundant, safe life, close to God and that we can make it on our own financially. I pray for peace and that I make good choices. I sometimes wish he would regret what he has done and that what he's done to me, he will do to her. I sometimes wish that he's not really happy. I have forgiven them, but will never forget. I know God does not want me to wish those things and I need to rise higher. I'm trying to work on that. Please keep the girls in your prayers as well as myself, we could really use them. Part of me wants my husband to come back which sounds absolutely ridiculous. With all the prayer and reading of the Bible I do I just am not sure I am hearing from God. I guess I don't know what to listen for or look for. I feel lost.
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