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Allie M.
Guest
I believe in God and I try to pray daily. I don't think at this point I would have the courage to kill myself, but I'm always having thoughts about it and I feel like if this continues, one day I'll just do it. I don't want to hurt my mother or any of my family. I know I have a responsibility to stay alive just to protect them from the pain that comes with losing a family member, regardless of how much you did or didn't get along with them at the time. I'm just so depressed... I feel like I have nothing going for me and my future is panning out to be the exact opposite of everything I've always wanted. I feel like I have no one and nobody to talk to. Nobody really cares. They all say they do, and in a sense they do care, but only to a certain degree. Their actions tell me otherwise. I don't feel like anyone truly loves me for me or my personality at all. I don't want to be the person I've grown to be. I hate myself. I hate my body, my face, my hair, and my personality. I'm boring. I'm lazy and I'm quiet and I'll do anything to avoid confrontation even if it means not talking to anyone at all until it all builds up and I can't contain it anymore and start yelling at everyone. I don't see the point in life at all. It's just a cycle of doing things I really don't want to do. Going to school, getting ready to impress everyone every day, getting a job, getting married, and having kids. We're all expected to do all of these things and I just don't want to. So I feel like life just sucks and I don't know what to do with mine. I'm never going to be good enough to do anything I want to do and I'm just do unhappy right now. People at school like me and try to talk to me but I'm do depressed that I isolate myself from them and make myself into a loner. Maybe it's a comfort zone since no one ever wants to talk to me at home? I don't know. I just hate life and almost everything about mine right now. Please say a prayer for me. I don't know what else to do but pray to God that things get better. I have been, but nothing seems to be looking up. I asked for therapy too , but that was ignored. Sorry for the length by the way. I'm trying to understand what my problem is myself.
