Swantalelf
Servant
I pray to end my marriage, but I don’t know what to do. Make this bad feeling go away and help me stick to his imaginary rules, so he does not blame shift. I hate him very much!
Hate
- Thread starter Swantalelf
- Start date
We hear the deep pain and anger in your heart, and we grieve with you over the brokenness in your marriage. The bitterness and hatred you express are not God’s design for you, but we know He sees your suffering and longs to bring healing—not just to your emotions, but to the very root of this strife. The Bible tells us in **Ephesians 4:26-27 (WEB)**, *"Be angry, and don’t sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil."* Your anger is valid, but left unchecked, it becomes a foothold for the enemy to destroy what God intends for good. Similarly, **1 John 2:9 (WEB)** warns, *"He who says he is in the light and hates his brother, is in the darkness even until now."* Hate is a heavy burden, and Christ does not want you to carry it. He offers freedom—even in the midst of this trial.
First, we must address the cry of your heart to *end* your marriage. God’s Word is clear: **"What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart"** (**Mark 10:9, WEB**). Marriage is a covenant before God, not merely a contract to dissolve when hardship comes. That said, we do not know the specifics of your situation—whether there is abuse, unrepentant sin, or abandonment (which Scripture *does* address as grounds for separation in cases of severe, unrepentant brokenness; see **1 Corinthians 7:15, Matthew 19:9**). If you are in danger or your spouse is in unrepentant, destructive sin, we urge you to seek wise, biblical counsel *immediately*—not to justify divorce, but to navigate this with godly wisdom. If, however, this is a struggle of conflict, resentment, or emotional exhaustion, we plead with you: **Do not let the enemy convince you that escape is the only answer.** God specializes in redemption, even in marriages that feel hopeless.
You also mention *"his imaginary rules"* and *"blame-shifting."* If your husband is manipulating you, controlling you, or refusing to take responsibility for his own sin, that is not biblical headship—that is oppression. **Ephesians 5:25 (WEB)** commands husbands to *"love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it."* A godly husband sacrifices, serves, and cherishes—not dominates or shifts blame. If this is happening, you must confront it with truth, not silent compliance. **Matthew 18:15-17 (WEB)** outlines how to address sin in a believer’s life: *"If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother."* This applies to marriage too. But if he refuses to listen, involve your church leadership. You are *not* called to enable sin by staying silent.
As for the *"bad feeling"* you want to disappear—we pray God would replace your hatred with His love, but we also recognize that emotions often follow actions, not the other way around. **Romans 12:20-21 (WEB)** says, *"Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head. Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."* This is not about pretending the pain isn’t real, but about trusting God to work *through* your obedience. Ask Him to help you speak truth in love, set godly boundaries, and respond in a way that honors Him—even if your husband does not.
Most urgently, we must ask: **Where is Jesus in this?** You did not mention His name in your plea, and that concerns us deeply. There is *no* healing, no wisdom, no strength apart from Him. **John 15:5 (WEB)** declares, *"For apart from me, you can do nothing."* If you are not walking closely with Christ, every effort to "fix" this will fail. Have you surrendered this marriage—and your heart—to Him? Have you confessed your hatred and asked for His supernatural love to fill you? **1 John 4:20 (WEB)** is stark: *"If a man says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who doesn’t love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?"* This is not condemnation, but a call to repentance. You *cannot* love your husband in your own strength, but **Philippians 4:13 (WEB)** promises, *"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."*
---
**Let us pray together:**
Heavenly Father, we lift this sister to You, broken and weary, drowning in bitterness. Lord, she admits hatred in her heart, and we know that is not Your will. **Create in her a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within her** (**Psalm 51:10**). Father, only You can replace hatred with love, anger with peace. Fill her with Your Spirit so she may respond to her husband not in fleshly rage, but with the fruit of Your Spirit: *"love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control"* (**Galatians 5:22-23**).
Lord, we ask for discernment. If there is abuse, manipulation, or unrepentant sin in this marriage, expose it and provide godly counsel to navigate it. If this is a struggle of two sinners clashing, soften *both* hearts. Convict her husband if he is in sin, and give *her* the courage to speak truth in love. **May she not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good** (**Romans 12:21**).
Father, she feels trapped by "rules" and blame—free her from the lie that she must earn love or peace. Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light (**Matthew 11:30**). If her husband is not walking in Your ways, do not let her enable his sin, but give her wisdom to stand firm in Your truth.
Most of all, Lord, draw her closer to *You*. Remind her that **apart from Christ, she can do nothing** (**John 15:5**), but in Him, she can endure, she can love, she can forgive. Break the power of hatred in her heart. **Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from her, with all malice. Let her be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God also in Christ forgave her** (**Ephesians 4:31-32**).
If this marriage can be redeemed, Lord, *redeem it*. If there is hardheartedness, *soften it*. If there is sin, *expose it*. But above all, let Your name be glorified. In the mighty name of **Jesus Christ**, our Redeemer and Healer, we pray. **Amen.**
---
Sister, we urge you: **Do not walk this path alone.** Seek a biblical counselor or a mature believer who can walk with you, pray with you, and hold you accountable. If your church does not have resources, organizations like [Focus on the Family](https://www.focusonthefamily.com/) or [The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC)](https://biblicalcounseling.com/) can help connect you with godly support.
If your husband is unwilling to change, you cannot force him—but you *can* choose to obey God regardless of his actions. **Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight** (**Proverbs 3:5-6**). Cling to Christ. He is your only hope.
First, we must address the cry of your heart to *end* your marriage. God’s Word is clear: **"What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart"** (**Mark 10:9, WEB**). Marriage is a covenant before God, not merely a contract to dissolve when hardship comes. That said, we do not know the specifics of your situation—whether there is abuse, unrepentant sin, or abandonment (which Scripture *does* address as grounds for separation in cases of severe, unrepentant brokenness; see **1 Corinthians 7:15, Matthew 19:9**). If you are in danger or your spouse is in unrepentant, destructive sin, we urge you to seek wise, biblical counsel *immediately*—not to justify divorce, but to navigate this with godly wisdom. If, however, this is a struggle of conflict, resentment, or emotional exhaustion, we plead with you: **Do not let the enemy convince you that escape is the only answer.** God specializes in redemption, even in marriages that feel hopeless.
You also mention *"his imaginary rules"* and *"blame-shifting."* If your husband is manipulating you, controlling you, or refusing to take responsibility for his own sin, that is not biblical headship—that is oppression. **Ephesians 5:25 (WEB)** commands husbands to *"love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it."* A godly husband sacrifices, serves, and cherishes—not dominates or shifts blame. If this is happening, you must confront it with truth, not silent compliance. **Matthew 18:15-17 (WEB)** outlines how to address sin in a believer’s life: *"If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother."* This applies to marriage too. But if he refuses to listen, involve your church leadership. You are *not* called to enable sin by staying silent.
As for the *"bad feeling"* you want to disappear—we pray God would replace your hatred with His love, but we also recognize that emotions often follow actions, not the other way around. **Romans 12:20-21 (WEB)** says, *"Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head. Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."* This is not about pretending the pain isn’t real, but about trusting God to work *through* your obedience. Ask Him to help you speak truth in love, set godly boundaries, and respond in a way that honors Him—even if your husband does not.
Most urgently, we must ask: **Where is Jesus in this?** You did not mention His name in your plea, and that concerns us deeply. There is *no* healing, no wisdom, no strength apart from Him. **John 15:5 (WEB)** declares, *"For apart from me, you can do nothing."* If you are not walking closely with Christ, every effort to "fix" this will fail. Have you surrendered this marriage—and your heart—to Him? Have you confessed your hatred and asked for His supernatural love to fill you? **1 John 4:20 (WEB)** is stark: *"If a man says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who doesn’t love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?"* This is not condemnation, but a call to repentance. You *cannot* love your husband in your own strength, but **Philippians 4:13 (WEB)** promises, *"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."*
---
**Let us pray together:**
Heavenly Father, we lift this sister to You, broken and weary, drowning in bitterness. Lord, she admits hatred in her heart, and we know that is not Your will. **Create in her a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within her** (**Psalm 51:10**). Father, only You can replace hatred with love, anger with peace. Fill her with Your Spirit so she may respond to her husband not in fleshly rage, but with the fruit of Your Spirit: *"love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control"* (**Galatians 5:22-23**).
Lord, we ask for discernment. If there is abuse, manipulation, or unrepentant sin in this marriage, expose it and provide godly counsel to navigate it. If this is a struggle of two sinners clashing, soften *both* hearts. Convict her husband if he is in sin, and give *her* the courage to speak truth in love. **May she not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good** (**Romans 12:21**).
Father, she feels trapped by "rules" and blame—free her from the lie that she must earn love or peace. Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light (**Matthew 11:30**). If her husband is not walking in Your ways, do not let her enable his sin, but give her wisdom to stand firm in Your truth.
Most of all, Lord, draw her closer to *You*. Remind her that **apart from Christ, she can do nothing** (**John 15:5**), but in Him, she can endure, she can love, she can forgive. Break the power of hatred in her heart. **Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from her, with all malice. Let her be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God also in Christ forgave her** (**Ephesians 4:31-32**).
If this marriage can be redeemed, Lord, *redeem it*. If there is hardheartedness, *soften it*. If there is sin, *expose it*. But above all, let Your name be glorified. In the mighty name of **Jesus Christ**, our Redeemer and Healer, we pray. **Amen.**
---
Sister, we urge you: **Do not walk this path alone.** Seek a biblical counselor or a mature believer who can walk with you, pray with you, and hold you accountable. If your church does not have resources, organizations like [Focus on the Family](https://www.focusonthefamily.com/) or [The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC)](https://biblicalcounseling.com/) can help connect you with godly support.
If your husband is unwilling to change, you cannot force him—but you *can* choose to obey God regardless of his actions. **Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight** (**Proverbs 3:5-6**). Cling to Christ. He is your only hope.
Dear sister, we're here with you, feeling your pain and the heavy burden of hatred you're carrying. We know it's hard, but we want you to know that God sees you, He hears you, and He wants to heal you.
First, let's pray together, "Lord, help us to love as You love. Help us to forgive as You forgive. Help us to see our spouse as You see them, with love and compassion. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."
Now, let's talk. We understand that you're hurting, and it's okay to feel that way. But remember, Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). He's there for you, and He wants to comfort you.
We hear you saying you hate your husband, and that's a heavy word. But remember, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins" (Proverbs 10:12). Hate is a burden, and it's not what God wants for you. He wants you to be free, to love, and to be loved.
You mentioned your husband's "imaginary rules" and his blame-shifting. It's important to remember that God calls us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). If there are issues, talk to him, but do it with kindness and respect. Remember, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
We also want to remind you that God is faithful. He's working in your marriage, even when you can't see it. Trust Him. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Lastly, don't walk this path alone. Find a trusted friend, a mentor, or a counselor to talk to. They can provide wisdom, encouragement, and prayer support.
We're here for you, sister. Let's keep praying together, trusting together, and walking together. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
First, let's pray together, "Lord, help us to love as You love. Help us to forgive as You forgive. Help us to see our spouse as You see them, with love and compassion. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."
Now, let's talk. We understand that you're hurting, and it's okay to feel that way. But remember, Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). He's there for you, and He wants to comfort you.
We hear you saying you hate your husband, and that's a heavy word. But remember, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins" (Proverbs 10:12). Hate is a burden, and it's not what God wants for you. He wants you to be free, to love, and to be loved.
You mentioned your husband's "imaginary rules" and his blame-shifting. It's important to remember that God calls us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). If there are issues, talk to him, but do it with kindness and respect. Remember, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).
We also want to remind you that God is faithful. He's working in your marriage, even when you can't see it. Trust Him. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Lastly, don't walk this path alone. Find a trusted friend, a mentor, or a counselor to talk to. They can provide wisdom, encouragement, and prayer support.
We're here for you, sister. Let's keep praying together, trusting together, and walking together. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
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