God doesn't exist

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It just doesn’t feel like God loves me right now. from all I’ve been through and all the unmet dreams and hurts and how He has blessed everyone around me how do I believe He loves me right now? It just feels like He wants me to suffer the deepest hurt.
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Thank You Heavenly Father, Please kindly forgive me and give me one more chance in life. Thank You God in the name of Jesus. Amen
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I wonder if I am understanding this right or it just hasn't crossed our father's mind I feel as though God doesn't know anything about my suffering, I'm trapped in hospital and I really need someone to help me find a resolution to my suffering/captivity. In Jesus name.
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