Tim12345
Disciple of Prayer
Hi all
Just an update - If you have been following my thread. Things have gotten worse this week - a lot. Health has slipped down some more. I have been putting in 80-100 hour work weeks for years. Right now I can barely do a few hours a day without falling over. I keep speaking Scripture to my body, but it keeps getting worse. The attacks against my business have become monumental. They are so obviously designed to harm me that it is amazing. Vendors have been cheating me to the tune of thousands. I've caught them with documentable proof, but they hide. One is one of the largest corporations in the world - you know what kind of battle that is. Customers have become massively impatient beyond belief - even to the point of lying about details. I am so tired I can't battle this anymore. I've never been a whiner. And I hate the way I am sounding on this. But wow I need a prayer warring partner if ever there was a need for one. I cannot believe that God has brought me this far to let me die at this point. Or let the vultures swoop in and destroy my life's work. I am so close to having the Bible research center ready to go. I've poured every dollar I had into it. And there is no reason for why business has slipped down so low. I'm beyond tired. I even set up a "gofundme" page. Nothing came in and it’s been up for quite a while now. I'm at my end.
Even now as I pray and fast trying to break through to get God's direction. I'm battling attacks from the enemy like "God doesn't respond to crying." And "you think you can outlast God by a hunger strike?" This is not crying or whining. Nor is it a hunger strike. I know that I know that God is my source. He can do all things. I've seen Him perform wondrous things before. And believing for Him to part the sea waters again now. To put it in those terms, the sea's waves are on my toes. And Pharaoh's chariots are so close the horses are slobbering on my heels. I don't pray for riches. I pray for God's knowledge and wisdom. What do I do? I have examined myself to the nth degree trying to figure out what or where I went wrong. And I can come up with very little.
That is what is so scary to me. I've been waling with God for a long time. And He has always given me leading. But this mess, which has been degrading for months now, has drained my money. All resources. All health. And hope is shattered. I have a hard time believing that He brought me this far to leave me hanging like this. In the natural the only thing the world recognizes that I have to fund things moving forward is some equity in my house. I’ve been trying to get the mortgage company to re-fi, but it looks like they are smelling blood & they can swoop in and take my house & turn a quick profit better then re-fi for me. I’ll gladly give up my house if I know it is what God wants. But I have no indication that that is His will and what would I do with the business and the ministry library vision without a place?
I also have the overwhelming sense that the answer is so close that it is at the doorstep. But I keep looking. Nothing come. I keep asking. Nothing. I keep reminding God of His promises – “never leave you or forsake you.” Nothing. Not even crickets chirping. If God intends for me to perish, then I say “yet though He slay me, yet will I continue to serve Him” the best way I know how. Perhaps after I’m gone, something good will come out of everything? Let’s face it, there have been many people in history that have done mighty battles but their life’s battles were only fruited after they were gone. Ok. I would think I’d have some measure of peace that everything is going to His plan then. But the torture of what I’m going through now has overwhelmed me.
Lately, all my Bible studies, and even what I keep hearing in every sermon at church or on TV even is that God turns things around in a second. I know that. And so my faith is pumped up for a minute. Then more hell attacks and my faith is knocked back down again.
I’ll keep you all updated. Can you imagine the praise report telling of the miraculous things God does to fix all this? Wow…
Just an update - If you have been following my thread. Things have gotten worse this week - a lot. Health has slipped down some more. I have been putting in 80-100 hour work weeks for years. Right now I can barely do a few hours a day without falling over. I keep speaking Scripture to my body, but it keeps getting worse. The attacks against my business have become monumental. They are so obviously designed to harm me that it is amazing. Vendors have been cheating me to the tune of thousands. I've caught them with documentable proof, but they hide. One is one of the largest corporations in the world - you know what kind of battle that is. Customers have become massively impatient beyond belief - even to the point of lying about details. I am so tired I can't battle this anymore. I've never been a whiner. And I hate the way I am sounding on this. But wow I need a prayer warring partner if ever there was a need for one. I cannot believe that God has brought me this far to let me die at this point. Or let the vultures swoop in and destroy my life's work. I am so close to having the Bible research center ready to go. I've poured every dollar I had into it. And there is no reason for why business has slipped down so low. I'm beyond tired. I even set up a "gofundme" page. Nothing came in and it’s been up for quite a while now. I'm at my end.
Even now as I pray and fast trying to break through to get God's direction. I'm battling attacks from the enemy like "God doesn't respond to crying." And "you think you can outlast God by a hunger strike?" This is not crying or whining. Nor is it a hunger strike. I know that I know that God is my source. He can do all things. I've seen Him perform wondrous things before. And believing for Him to part the sea waters again now. To put it in those terms, the sea's waves are on my toes. And Pharaoh's chariots are so close the horses are slobbering on my heels. I don't pray for riches. I pray for God's knowledge and wisdom. What do I do? I have examined myself to the nth degree trying to figure out what or where I went wrong. And I can come up with very little.
That is what is so scary to me. I've been waling with God for a long time. And He has always given me leading. But this mess, which has been degrading for months now, has drained my money. All resources. All health. And hope is shattered. I have a hard time believing that He brought me this far to leave me hanging like this. In the natural the only thing the world recognizes that I have to fund things moving forward is some equity in my house. I’ve been trying to get the mortgage company to re-fi, but it looks like they are smelling blood & they can swoop in and take my house & turn a quick profit better then re-fi for me. I’ll gladly give up my house if I know it is what God wants. But I have no indication that that is His will and what would I do with the business and the ministry library vision without a place?
I also have the overwhelming sense that the answer is so close that it is at the doorstep. But I keep looking. Nothing come. I keep asking. Nothing. I keep reminding God of His promises – “never leave you or forsake you.” Nothing. Not even crickets chirping. If God intends for me to perish, then I say “yet though He slay me, yet will I continue to serve Him” the best way I know how. Perhaps after I’m gone, something good will come out of everything? Let’s face it, there have been many people in history that have done mighty battles but their life’s battles were only fruited after they were gone. Ok. I would think I’d have some measure of peace that everything is going to His plan then. But the torture of what I’m going through now has overwhelmed me.
Lately, all my Bible studies, and even what I keep hearing in every sermon at church or on TV even is that God turns things around in a second. I know that. And so my faith is pumped up for a minute. Then more hell attacks and my faith is knocked back down again.
I’ll keep you all updated. Can you imagine the praise report telling of the miraculous things God does to fix all this? Wow…
