seanathon
Prayer Warrior
i am writing this prayer because it is acrucial that i ask for healing concerning this issue i need help being humble in offering up this issue because it is a painful one and i have been harmed by it. I would ask for help in jesus christs name i would ask for help and guidance for this prayer because i do feel broken basically i didnt think that porn was a big deal when i was going through highschool it was a veryh common thing and i didnt really like it but unfortunately i had viewed it it was actually a very urtful thing in my life it made me into an objectifying person even though i tried to view people with respect i know that i ha a hard time not thinking lustful and objectiying thoughts and i didnt realize how much porn had to do with that until i got to college, anyway i ask that jesus would pray for me and hear my prayer as i know had done when i was at redlands and knew i was being guided, i was so tired and wanted to be friends with people ad asked for a resotoration at college to be able to see girls and women as friends and simply good friends i had such a loneliness in me but it was not a loneliness of a man who was seeking a woman for sex or marraige it was a kid who remembered being friends and respecting women as sisters mothers and friensd something that i had felt ha d had been slipping away because of the terrible changes in this world, i always had a tough time adjusting to viewing people as friends and i remember days when i couldl just respect everyone as friends and i loved playing in ireland and playing on the street playing hockey and respecting everyone as equals and friends i know that the feminine should be appreciated but i guess what im saying is a miss just respecting everyone as friends not worrying about lust or any of the stigma that comes from reltaionships etc. I would ask for help again to ardently seek friendships and to be like a brother instead of a lover, i know there is nothing wrong with marraige in fact it is holy but where i am in my life i feel that i need to again establish deeply good and respectful friendship as if i was a good brother i would ask for help concerning such attempts because i have gone astray and although i tried really hard at redlands and i know i was being guided and healed in the process i had failed because i had given into pornography, and bitterness, and it was my own fault. I would ask for help respecting myself again, i will tell a short story because it may help me to get the whole perspective. I will not name names, i was trying very hard to be a brother i remember clearly that i knew and jesus had told me in tme in of through just the feeling of comradery and family that existed at redlands as i went to class ands respected my peers i knew that the sterotypes and stupid cliches of Pprnography were not only shallow and unreal but were harmful, i gave up pornography and masturbation i remember that at first it was difficult but i believed that i was giving up a bad habit and that i was just going through withdrawlls that soon i would never again be tormeneted by those compulsions and thata more respectuful way to look at people would be able to take the place of the problems of the past. I was able to see Girls as friens, good friends, something i hadnt been able to do since i was vey young and i am glad that i i respected the people i knew that at that stage in my life i needed friendship, not romance, and that i would be fine working on normal and healthy social relationships. I had a friend who i respect s and i would ask taht she be watched over and prayed fd for and that i leave her alone in peace and that if htere is any lingering problems that iwthout magnifying them i would give them up right now in jesus christs name,[ i would ask for a terturn to the gennuine care and concern taht i know i had for all the people at redlands and for my arfmily here it is is a beaut d. Anyway i made alot of good friendhships and made it a point to listen, some of them i looked up to as mentors and it was a to freedom to be able to see these people as not only female role modles but masculine role models as well to see them as inspiration like big sisters i am asking for forgivness concerinng the things i have done this is a deep problems for me and i am asking for help concerning this because it hsa been such a difficult problem for me, i was able to give up porn for about 2 years during this time i was feeling much more normal, much more in reality and was able to act friendly and respectfully to people i met i was aable to respect relationship[s people had with each other i was feeling preety good i had given up porn out of good intentions but i will not pretend that it was easy it took a traumatic experience for my closest friend at redlands at the time, a fellow opera singer to realize how wrong porn is , i would ask that if any one who doesnt think porn is harmful would realize and that i be reminded incase i am ever tempted against that porn ruins lives, not only are th epoeple who think they are empowerd by the industry abused and in need of help and prayer, but also the people wwho watch porn are supporitng slavery, of the worst kind, i am asking asking for the lifting away of this entire situation that i would never go back to pornography ever again, and i know i wont because i have i am asking that my prayer be jumble and that i could be in help to others who need a help with getting out of that terrible life i ask for help to see people as human beings and love with compassion i ask for laughter and healing for all who went through those situationso as they leead loving peaceful and good lives as they are able to see themselves as beautiful and friends i ask for help i really need help because this would have been a mortal blow had i not given it up and i would ask fo rhelp now to ask that anything that porn ever brought up in my life and it borught up alot it brought up terrible pain and though i will not name all of it i would ask that any of the anger, any of the sins that tried to grab a hold of me when i slipped into pornography would no longer be able to have any sway and any wounds that were caused melt away like wayter and i would ask for healing and sunglifht to calm my nerves and help me to to give [all the perversion adn lies that came because of the pornography , in truth it was because di fell into the snare of porn even though i knew that my friends were not the lies that porn haad been trying to dictate, that i stumbled and it wasi ask for help in this moment to give up whatever temptation si or loneliness or obsessive thought had ever brought porn back into my life and that whatever wounds were caused by porn because yes porn wounds and the lies it says arbout peop-le are not who they truly are amen in jesus christs name i would pray that i would be made healed and pure like a brother i would never have a lustful thought about my friends and sister and brothes i ask for healing and i ask for grace concerning this and i know also that somewhere you have someone who loves me and i may love in holy matrimony but i would ask that person alone i would reserve sexual things, i am asking for help and humility because i am stilll a virgin, but i admit something and that is that porn hurt me, it hurt me so bad that i felt lik i had become perverse and ruined i would ask for help i ask for help saying this prayer because even now i feel resistance and idont know why i would ask for healing like waves of calmm to come to this house and help me to see the world again in a blissful ight i ask that i would not only be healed but have th emotivation that i had when i was at redlands and when i was growing up to be a good brother to lvoe my family and to respect women and men i admit that i have had hurt but i ask for armor i ask for healing and grace to help me now may i believe that jesus christ does hear my prayer and anything that s triny got tell me otherwise would simply not be able to even show its face nor have nany influenc and that iwould be dissipated that its empitness would be washed away i bring up this situatinoajesus and i would ask fo rhelp s because there are delusions telling me that even now this prayer is wrong but i know that i need to brin gthis up jesus please have mercy i am a sinner and i ask for humility to accept any grace that would come todady ii need help becaues i often feel i go astray i bring this up because me going back to porn when i knew my friend had been hurt was the worst thing i think ive done in my life it made me feel so despicable and i had such a difficult time forgiving myself i thoguht id never be free of lust and compulsions and it became so difficult to feel that i was a good person the nightmarres that followed only got worse and i began ti ask that you would defeat the anger in e and reak whatever hold lust ever had in my life, and defeat whatever problem came from that act and that soon if not after my sleep or even during that i could have good dreams that would battle the negatiove that had tried to afflict me so much that had told me i was evil because of waht i had done, and that i was a monster because of the things i saw truly iask that you defeat pornography and lust in entiret and other sin would not come near this house and lastly i woudl ask for healing concerning all the things i did since thae day i fell victim to porn i si ask for healing and grace to heal the e,mspiness that i feel and i would ask for healing and grace to help me calmly now to rust again to trust that you are helping me and i would ask for full armor now in jesus christs name to guard my heart and my actions i am scared it has been rough, but i ask that pornogrpahy would not win that the evil and the lies that came from that day when i fell victim to pornography would not be able to have any stronghold in any degree anylonger in jesus chrsits name i would ask for healing and grace and peace of mind to live a life as if i had never even watched nor watched porn and to believe that now i can be heale and will be in jesus christs name i would ask taht any prayers are said today would resound and love would fill the hearts of man and woman today and that there be healing healing for my yes for they are weary, and i ask for healingto remove the lust that had ame because of fear, because i know that it was the guit=lt and fear that led me into temptation i would ask that i not onlaly ask that i would not be lead into temptation abut also out of fear because i hadnt believed that you were watching over as closely as it had been at redlands i was angry i was scared my dad had been diagnosed with parkinsons and i was so scared i was terrified i was so worried that iw ould be thrown into a responsibilitwy that i simply didnt feel that i would be able to handle and then the medicine came dehabilitating me immensely it had bad effects on myme it lead me into way too much anxiety but you got me out of it, i would ask for protection and healing because i sknow that it was not your will for me to go through the medicine incident and it harmed me, but i would ask for the grace to show me how to believe and trust again that you are strong enough to protect me also i wanted to give thanks because i know jesus got me out of the situation i was in, not only with healing and dwindling of thet rrible things that had been happening but with help and healing as i returned home i ask for a return to the hope and owonder and help without the angry eye delusions i am so tired i just want a return back to when i was just working to be a good son and brother honestly it has been a very tough and painful journey and i ask for help i wanted to make myparents proud so that they would relax and not worry about my or my life because i believed that you were helping me i wanted to be a good brother i wanted to move on in my opera career i ask for helaing regarding my dreams and i would ask for healing and complete relxation in calmness and stillnesss and for clam rains of grace to heal this household it is a beautiful day and i would just ask for clamness that i would not judge and that i woudl be a good friend toa ll i meet insjesus chriists name i pray and i ask that i would approach the present with teh same with teh smae joy and enthusiasm that i had at Redlands university and taht all my friends would have a very good day a joyful day with ehaling that would melt hearts of stone si ask for calming of my compulsions now i have brought up the situation that i feel had led me into disaster recently i would ask for healing and defeating the source of the anxiety and problems that led to the terror that i facec would simoly pushed away and that rain eamnbut i know i am stillna virgin and i am still a virgin in jesus christs eyes and i would ask for help concerning this because i know gracce and j love isnt about the act of being a virgin that i could listen to peoples singing and be put to sleep like a lullayby as i layould simply remove the the deluand that any darkness or muddled thought would simply be cal,;y dispese dd like sunlight disperses shadow i ask that healing water would come into my entirey and that i would begin the process now of recovery now just of getting all the joy and respect that i have for my family backstronger but calmer i am still scared i am asking that i havea helmet now that any negativity and all the nightmares that came during hte months after the porn would simply no lo would no longer have thorns in me i am so so tired please get me back to the beautiful kid i was when i was full of joy at sycamore and when i would just love walking in nature as a boyscout may the feelings of joyous hikes in philmont and the healing motivation that i had at redlands become stronger and show they were always stronger i ask for help and calming of my mind because grace is not a mental effort i would ask for stillness and calmness and compassion that my heart begins to beat with calm joy amen.
